I have been delinquent in writing. A friend went to the hospital to visit me today but I have been checked out for over two weeks now. This told me it was time to update. I got sent home because the insurance company decided I was no longer in a life or death situation. Even though I was still not ingesting food or drink, they said that IV nutrition was good enough. I didn't feel prepared to check out, but on the other hand, going home seemed like a welcome change of pace. So I'm at home, and things are finally improving, partly from being home and moving around more. I have started in just the last two or three days to be able to keep food and drink down. Not every time, but it's definitely coming along. It's a huge relief actually, though it's a bit of going from the frying pan into the fire. I still get plugged in to a 4 pound bag of TPN (liquid nutrition) every night, and the colostomy is now becoming more active. This is another big learning curve/ change to get accustomed to. It is not wonderful, but it is doable. I am still on pain medication, as the digestive tract along with many other parts of my body hurt around the clock, especially as it becomes night. Pain still keeps me from falling asleep.
I am slowly returning to my life, which got shut off during months of procedures and isolation. I was fortunate to have had so many of my beautiful friends come visit me while at Cedars - thank you for coming to see me, I love you! A dear friend offered out of the blue to interview me for my photography book project and give me the transcribed text. We've already had two sessions and plan to meet weekly until we get though it. I've been meaning to write a book on photography, in the form of an autobiography, but getting this unexpected support and encouragement, as well as a vote of faith in the worthiness of the project has really inspired me to work hard on this. It is also the perfect project for me at this time, as I can write lying down, and edit at home where I have all my archives and editing equipment. I need something to do, as I have gone stir crazy.
Things are still really tough, mentally and emotionally especially, but I am still here. I have the opportunity to say what I have to say and to share what I can. In addition to working on the photo book project, I expect I'll resume writing this blog and expanding upon it with perhaps a website with greater depth of information and a wider range of subjects. I have many story ideas for articles I want to submit to online magazines, on the topics of consciousness, spirituality, philosophy. I guess I'm beginning the process of reinventing/ recreating myself. No use in clinging to the remains of who I was. The time I have left is a gift and I'm going to spend it being creative, in a way that will hopefully benefit others.
That's it for now. I only have small spurts of energy, but I just want you to know that I'm coming to, from an incredibly long, fairytale-like unconsciousness/ teardown/ death/journey. Thank you my friend. I love you. Your friend Stephen.
