#phobert

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had to spend a good minute thinking about it between work and being sick. also off topic kinda but phobert is such a silly ship name and I love it

anyway I can't really decide on how exactly they meet but the funniest scenario is Phobos being able to gloat to Doc that he stole his quartermaster using his "superior, irresistible charm." meanwhile Bert just thinks Phobos is funny, albeit a bit eccentric, and also he's got money so like. Bert isn't gonna say no to that

Bert thinks the whole "I'm a god" thing is just a very committed bit for the first several months, sometimes he'll teasingly humor it and other times he'll laugh it off with a wink and tell Phobos he's cute. Phobos can't even bring himself to be mad about his godhood not being taken seriously because there's something so endearing about the way Bert says it

you can pry my 'retired boxer' Bert headcanon out of my cold dead hands but Phobos watches a few of his old fights and really likes the power he packs

Bert calls him "darlin'" but only when he wants something, otherwise his name is Phobe

Phobos calls Bert "my love" all the time but it took him a couple weeks to actually learn the guy's name, higher priorities and all that

Bert steals clothing but will deny it to hell and back despite the sweater he's wearing being at least 5 sizes too large for him. this is his sweater and it's always been his sweater