#phitawan

Because I think it's super impressive that Pathapi broke apart Tamtawan's entire collected facade in thirty seconds.

Meticulously, too.

First, Phi licked his mouth, which is something he remembered doing to Tam years ago. And is still an absolutely buckwild thing to do in the first place.

Now, if you'll notice, class, Tam's eyes are still open here because he's frozen and has no idea how to take back control. This is him at his most vulnerable in the entire series so far, because even in the bathroom scene, Tam was able to retreat after Phi asked him directly why he left. Here, he can't hide. Phi's already seen everything he's been keeping in his bedroom, and now Phi knows Tam still loves him.

And it's that lapse in Tam's control that allows Phi the chance to kiss him, which gets Tam to close his eyes.

Immediately.

Even though it's not even a proper kiss, just a grazing of lips, that's the first time Phi's kissed him in years.

And this little face-off is delightful to me, because the difference in their expressions couldn't be clearer: Tam's still on the back foot, and Phi's carefully measuring how affected Tam is by what he's doing.

Intimate scenes like this can provide a ton of nuanced information about a dynamic. And there's history in Tam's eyes. Up until this point in the series, Tam's mostly been able to keep up a front or run when Pathapi gets too close, but this is the first time he's not trying to do either.

I think he's choosing not to. Once he swallows there, he's made up his mind to follow through on this Terrible Decision (TM).

And Phi's expression shifts to this intriguing mix of, like, smug and annoyed. He's already asked Tam why he came back twice and asked him why he left once; I think he's decided not to ask anything more. He's seemingly content with the temporary win of 1) having the upper hand, and 2) Tam letting him have it.

The second kiss is longer and more engaged on both sides. Tam even closes his eyes for it again. But Phi's still the one who goes in for it. Still the one leading.

And that last separation -

Phi stops the kiss and gets to see for himself that every defensive wall Tam had up has been wrecked.

And now my favorite bit:

This part is quick, but there's so much going on in it. Tam's brought his hand up to Phi's neck and jaw, and Phi's expression has changed again to pure want and focus, whereas Tam is just intent on Phi's mouth and the moment.

And this time, Phi doesn't initiate the kiss. Tam does.

This whole scene is phenomenal, but I especially love everything about this nonverbal section.

In thirty seconds, Pathapi managed to shatter Tam

and find his Tawan underneath.

So yeah, Krist and Singto are stupidly talented actors and this scene in their hands is so wildly nuanced and hot, they get a standing ovation for it for all eternity.

First, he’s been shown to struggle with direct communication any time it’s about feelings or something he’s not confident about. His job and his vision, will argue someone down. Defending Phi, all day every day. In every flashback where Phi has mentioned the two of them on a billboard, Tam seemed awkward and hesitant and seemingly has swallowed whatever he wants to say and has played it off with a joke or a I want that for you or you know I’m more interested in behind the scenes. In the current day, any time Phi tries to talk to him directly about why Tam has returned, what he really wants, why he left, Tam refuses to fully engage. He jokes, he pulls up the fact that Phi set the rule they would only talk about work. He tells Phi that he wants to have his show on a billboard and only wants Phi’s face on it (which is Phi’s dream), but we the audience know Yong called Tam and basically said you’re the only one who can save him and if you still love him come home and that’s why he’s here. And in this bathroom scene, after the you said we would only talk about work fell, Tam said he couldn’t talk about it yet (has been unable to for three years) and promised he would explain it all to Phi when he was ready. He knew he was leaving and he didn’t say anything at every chance he had. He’s also not let Pathapi into anything of his life really: where he went, what he’s done, where he lives now, haven’t been in his car. Even when he helped Phi cook, they did it at Phi’s condo. He didn’t let Phi drive him home.

Then we have the fact that everything he has done narratively this far, aside from their joint projects (though arguably those count as well), has been about Pathapi and his success. Every action we have seen Tam take is in service of Phi and not himself, even his bids for forgiveness and flirting exist in spaces and situations where he’s trying to protect Phi or encourage Phi to not take shit from Tae or the female producer. He’s fought to get them a production team, has been doing things to take care of Phi in the past and the present. When Phi asked him to leave if he lost the demo contest, Tam immediately agreed. He found a way around it. But he agreed that he would leave and Phi would never see him again. Like, his entire existence even his return is to help and support Phi. So…why did he leave?

Well, I’ve got theories but before we get there, Tam seems to suffer from a lack of self esteem that to me informs a lot of his choices. Not when it comes to work. Professionally he’s very confident and he’s very confident in Pathapi as a person and as a reporter. But when it comes to Tamtawan, personally? Hooboy. This man cannot fathom that his leaving broke Pataphi. He asked Gie what happened to phi with a straight face and she just looked back at him and said: you tell me? You left and it broke him. And Tam looked stunned. Same thing happened when Phi yelled at him in the bathroom. He said sorry, tried to defend with the “you said you only wanted to talk about work” before promising to tell Phi what happened. Tam has been very pleasantly surprised at any revelation that he still matters to Pathapi. And prior to people revealing that Tam broke Phi, from his perspective of leaving (we don’t know what happened between the text and Tam’s return) but Tam left and Phi’s dreams came true. Phi got to be the star reporter “Prince Phi,” he got his billboard and the condo facing it.

And from everything we got today for the run-up to Tam’s departure, I do wonder if all of these things wove together to give him a feeling that he would figure out the right way, time, place to explain to Phi what was about to happen. But there was never going to be a right way, right place, right time for we’ve been together for 5 years and I’m going to Australia. And I’m certain there’s more to it than that but…as a collector of gays who are trying to find the right place, right time, right way to say something and fix it all neat before coming clean…I wouldn’t be surprised if this was a very bungled attempt to protect Phi that did the opposite.

In ep 3, we get Phi talking about quitting and moving home to help his mom with the salt farm, Tam telling Phi he needs to not be so kind and roll over when other people don’t do what he asks and Phi saying he has Tam to take care of things for him (and Tam does take care of many things for Phi), and Phi’s mom’s food is helping them stay fed. All of that wrapped with Phi getting a chance to be on screen for the first time since Yong hired them… And I have so many questions about the very apparent codependency of their relationship and what Tam’s dreams actually are and how those were fed or starved by this relationship. I wonder what seeds might have been dropped by Tam that may have gotten glossed over. I do feel that Tam wanted Phi to stay with Good News. “Tomorrow, I need you to keep going no matter what happens.” Was the you need to not keep giving in for both of them, and the I need you to keep going? Did he worry if he told Phi, he would get talked out of going? I…the way he sobbed after he sent the text.

tam: i told you to stop introducing me like that.

Let's hear from some teens going through relationship problems and give them space to vent their feelings.