#philmd

*Spoilers for all of AoS/S7.

How many times does Phil Coulson have to say “Don’t bring me back to life if I die” before people respect his choice and his personal autonomy?

Ever since the first season of this show he has been adamant that people not forcibly bring him back to life when he dies. He literally chewed out Fury for doing it.

We were front row seat to his agony throughout S1, S5, and S7 about how the other characters won’t respect his wishes and about him feeling wrong/out of place when they kept forcing him back to life.

It took everything in PhiLMD this season to finally separate Coulson’s feelings of wanting to rest from the anger at his/Coulson’s wishes being ignored and from his (PhiLMD) own new feelings as an individual being. He finally settles on trying to figure out who he is at the end of the season while still being open to having relationships with the others. This was such a healthy and positive change for him. And it was even healthier to have all the people he/Coulson loved actually respect his choice on whether to deactivate or not instead of trying force to him to be with them.

May will be fine. She has always had a will to keep living and keep moving forward that Coulson, frankly, did not share after he was killed by Loki. And Coulson’s desire to finally rest only grew stronger the more times he was killed and resurrected.

May has a life outside of Coulson that she values. She has a desire to nurture her own future as a mentor and as a teacher. She is not unhappy or miserable. She has reconciled with Bahrain and her title as the Cavalry. She has reconnected to her emotions in a real and tangible way. She is finding fulfillment in her new career and her new empathy power. She is at peace for the first time in over a decade. She has been launched into a fresh, new stage of her life with so much to discover about herself and the way she fits into the world.

Would she be happier with PhiLMD? Maybe. I actually don’t know. PhiLMD is not Coulson. He’s not a build-a-boyfriend for her to have instead of the actual man she loved. May expressed real frustration earlier this season over the back and forth with him dying and not dying. That was painful for her and she very clearly stated that she does not want to go through that any more. PhiLMD has parts of Coulson and I honestly think she could really fall for this version of him too but there would always be this painful reminder that her Coulson is still dead. I don’t want that for her, at all.

I love Philinda, I really do...but I love May, Coulson, and now PhiLMD as individuals more. I’m okay with an open ending for them where they are both happy and finding peace with themselves as their own persons while also being open to each other if they so choose. There is a real emotional truth to that.

Marvel giving Phil Coulson and Agents of shield fans a early Christmas present this year.

That is so fucked up and pisses me off multiple times per week.

Yeah, the human!Coulson whom the others originally knew and loved had already been dead for three years by then, but PhiLMD had been an amazing friend to all of them for the entirety of season seven. Despite that, the only person who expressed any concern whether he lived or died was Daisy, and even she had fucked off into space instead of sticking around to make sure that her friend was okay.

PhiLMD was a new unique person whose life had its own inherent worth, but none of the people he loved gave a shit about him in return.