#phdissues

Thesis:

It’s as if all the chapters are perfectly making sense in my head, but I am afraid to write some words and thoughts out and make adjustments. My friend just finished his thesis and I am so happy for him! And really worrying about my pace, because I was supposed to be done NOW.DH always asks how he can support me. There really is no way. I just have to do it.

I am just slowly thinking, now is the time to just finish it up and hand it in, no matter what the grades are. I am not getting younger. I want to live without the burden of the thesis every day, worrying everyday. Obessing over past mistakes and bad writing.

Upcoming Conference:

A professor I highly respect gave me an extended deadline for my proposal of the conference he is organizing, and a very detailed feedback on my original proposal I submitted to him in time. He practically wants some details altered; and I should be flattered he takes his precious time to give me that extra attention and this tremendous chance; but I have difficulties in executing. I am always questioning myself. “Is it good enough?“ or “What if he doesn’t like what I changed in the text?“ or “Maybe he thinks the original proposal was so ridiculous that he, out of spite, was commenting in detail on it?“

Upcoming publication:

I have been postponing this for months. I don’t know why. I love the style and it is only 350 pages or so. Usually, it takes me one day to read through, and another to read again, so I can make notes and focus on the passages I need for the publication. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Issues:

So, apparently I have many treats for Asperger syndrome (which runs in the family; I just never considered myself for having it, since I am objectively the most stupid person in my family- surrounded by far-above-average-intelligent/if not brilliant family members and sibling), and the clinic wants me to come in for a proper examination. I am quite dumbfounded by this, but it would explain a lot. Just afraid I could be some freak with psychological issues unrelated to Asperger’s.

Vacation:

Other than the conferences and jobs outside of the city, which have been a welcoming distraction from working at my home-office, I haven’t had a proper vacation for 1 year and 9 months(!). So DH and I are finally going on a two-weeks trip to meet with family overseas, have some business meetings, catch up with friends. It will be a good opportunity to just let go of the stress and enjoy life a bit.