#phantasticphil

Less than ten minutes into an episode of Buffy, Philrealises that his shoulder is damp.

He peers down at the offending spot only to find a mess ofbrown hair obstructing his view, tucked into the crook of his neck in a waythat might tickle if he wasn’t so used to its presence. He reaches up and cardshis fingers through it. “Couldn’t even stay awake long enough to meet thepraying mantis lady, huh?”

Dan scrunches his nose, looking for a moment like he might wakeup, before burying his face even further into Phil’s shoulder.

“Guess you’re right. It’s not a very good episode, is it?”He grabs the remotes, turning off the DVD player and then the tiny television. Theroom goes mostly dark, illuminated only by the streetlamps and headlightsoutside. The orange and yellow lights filter through the blinds and catch onDan’s hair, giving it the illusion of warmth on an otherwise chilly night somewherenear the Kentucky-Ohio border.

“You did this the first time we met. Do you remember?” Heknows Dan can’t hear him, but he doesn’t mind the one-sided conversation. Afterall these years, there are still things that Phil can only say to Dan when he’sasleep. They don’t need saying, really, because Dan knows. But sometimes Philfeels the need to get the words out into the open, even if he is the only onewho hears them. “You wanted to pack as much into that day as possible, seeevery place in Manchester I’d ever been, even though you spent three hours onthe train that morning and hadn’t slept the night before. You tried your bestto hide it, but then you conked out before we even made it back to my parents’house, sleeping on my shoulder like that’s where you belonged. Like I wasalready yours.” He smiles at the memory. “I suppose I was.”

He rests his cheek on top of Dan’s head. “Everything was sonew and exciting then. And — I have to admit — a little scary. I never expectedto find the love of my life in the Twitter comments. But then there you were,and I was terrified of losing you before I even knew what was happening. Younever said it, but I think you were scared too.

“Sometimes I wish I could go back and tell past-me and past-younot to worry, that they won’t grow apart and that their life together will be great— better than they could have even imagined. But then, I guess it’ll be a nicesurprise for them, yeah?”

He yawns. He knows they should lie down, that if they go tosleep propped up like they are, they will wake up with sore backs and cricks intheir necks. But Dan is warm, and the steady motion of the bus is starting to feelsoothing rather than sickening, and he’s so very tired…

Suddenly, the bus jostles them violently, and Dan and Philare jerked awake.

“Wha-who…wha’s happening?” Dan says, turning his head fromside to side even though his eyes are still closed.

“Pothole, I think,” Phil responds, taking deep breathsthrough his nose until the nausea passes. “Everything’s fine, love. Go back tosleep.”

Dan’s eyes flutter open. He looks around and frowns. “Whathappened to the show?”

Phil smirks. “Well, after you started drooling on myshoulder, I decided maybe Buffy wasn’t in the cards for tonight.”

There was a time when a statement like that would have madeDan blush and apologise profusely. Now he just shrugs and wipes his mouth withthe back of his hand. “You could have woken me. I wouldn’t have minded.”

“Dan, you’re exhausted.”

“Who cares?” Dan replies, wrapping his arms around Phil’swaist and placing his head on Phil’s shoulder once more, right where itbelongs. “I miss you.”

Phil laughs softly. “We haven’t been apart for more thanhalf an hour since this tour started.”

“I know, but we’re always doing stuff. If we’re not doing ashow or a meet-and-greet, we’re sightseeing or filming or editing or doing aliveshow or sleeping. I miss just lying on the couch and watching dumb showswith you.”

“Buffy isn’t dumb.”

“Weren’t we going to watch that praying mantis episodetonight?”

Phil nods. “Fair point. So you were lying the other day whenyou said the only things you missed about home were your computer and yourbed?”

“Maybe a little. But I wasn’t lying about not beinghomesick.”

“Yeah? And why’s that?”

Dan reaches up and flicks him on the nose. “Stop fishing forcompliments. You know why.”

Phil rubs his nose. “Rude. And I was saying such nice thingsabout you a little while ago.”

“Telling me how much you love me while I’m unconsciousagain, hm? You know, it’s not like I don’t already know.”

“I know. Which is exactly why I wait until you can’t rollyour eyes about it.”

Phil can’t actually see whether it happens, but he would betmoney that Dan rolls his eyes right then. “I think you’re just too intimidatedby my good looks to tell me I’m pretty when I’m awake.”

“You’re pretty,” Phil says before placing a soft kiss ontothe top of Dan’s head. “Pretty tired.”

Dan probably rolls his eyes again. “That was lame.”

“Lame but true. We should lie down. We’re too old to sleepsitting up anymore.”

“Speak for yourself, old man,” Dan replies even as heshuffles down the bed and pulls the covers up to his neck.

Phil scoots down to meet him, throwing an arm around Dan’sshoulders. Dan responds by rolling closer until he can rest his head on Phil’schest and wrap his arm around Phil’s waist. He sighs in contentment and closeshis eyes.

“Better?” Phil asks.

Dan nods. “You’re a very nice pillow. Much nicer than thosesquare ones in Kentucky.”

“Glad I meet your standards. Try not to drool on me again.”

“You like it.”

Now it’s Phil’s turn to roll his eyes, but he can’t stop thecorners of his mouth from tugging upwards all the same. “You’re gross.”

“Shh. Pillows don’t insult people.”

“You’re not people. You’re Dan.”

“Is that another insult?”

“No,” Phil says sincerely. “Definitely a compliment.”

“Ugh,” Dan says. “And you call me gross. On second thought,I don’t even want to know what kind of mushy crap you say about me when I’msleeping.”

“Then you’d better hurry up and fall asleep, because I feelanother wave of affection coming. Not sure I can hold it back this time.”

“Hate you,” Dan mumbles, nuzzling into Phil’s chest.

The room goes quiet then, and Phil listens to the steadyrumbling of the bus while he watches Dan’s chest rise and fall. He watches untilthe breaths even out, until he knows his boyfriend is asleep.