#phandomficfests bingo

******

Dan walked through Tesco, pushing the cart full of vegetables with one hand and holding his phone to his ear with the other. “Do I really need an entire chicken? I mean, there are only two of us.”

“You can freeze the leftovers,” Kath replied pragmatically.

“And it has to cook … does it really have to cook for two hours?”

“Well, more or less. Until the chicken falls off the bone.”

“So … I have to just keep picking up the chicken every once in a while to see if the meat falls off?” Dan asked in frustration.

“My chicken soup is more of an art than a science, Dan. You’ll know when the time is right,” she reassured him. Then she added with amusement in her tone, “But, yes, if you have to, then pick up the chicken every twenty minutes or so to see if the meat falls off.”

“How am I supposed to lift the chicken without boiling my hands?” Dan protested in horror.

He could practically hear her rolling her eyes at him.

******

Dan stared at the disaster their kitchen had become. Normally, he would clear things as he went along, but he’d had Kathryn on speaker the entire time, and so he’d been following her directions as fast as he could, and he didn’t want to wash dishes and not be able to hear her over the sound of running water.

It seemed like he’d been doing nothing but sweating over the stove all day, except for the morning’s marathon trip to Tesco. He had no idea how they were ever going to eat this much chicken soup, but if Phil wanted his mum’s chicken soup then Dan would make it happen.

“Could you wait a minute, Kath?” Dan asked. “I want to go check on Phil again.”

“Go right ahead, Dan, dear. Let me know how he’s doing.”

So while the mass of soup was simmering on the stove, Dan ran down the hallway to the bedroom and quietly pried open the door to look in on Phil. His dark hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat and he was tossing restlessly in the bed. Dan ran back to the kitchen, told Kath quickly, “I’m getting him a glass of water,” and then filled a glass to take back to the bedroom. He went inside this time and sat on the edge of the bed. “Phil?” he said softly, setting the glass of water on the bedside table. He rested a hand on Phil’s bare shoulder and was concerned at the heat. He looked at his watch and decided that it was time Phil could take some more paracetamol, so he opened the bottle he had sitting there by the bed and shook two tablets into his hand.

“Phil, can you sit up a bit to take a couple tablets? They might make you feel better.”

Phil just groaned and turned away, mumbling something about his mum and paracetamol, then Dan thought he heard the words “chicken soup” again. “I’m going to get you some chicken soup,” Dan assured him gently. “But right now you need to take these tablets to try to bring down your fever.”

Phil raised up slightly to take the tablets, then drank thirstily at the water. Dan wiped Phil’s hair away from his face and kissed his cheek lightly. It was kind of sweaty and gross, but he loved him anyway.

“It has to be my mum’s chicken soup,” Phil grumbled hazily and then turned away again, throwing the blankets off his legs but wrapping his arms and chest into the duvet. Chills. Dan hated having the chills, feeling like his body was hot and cold at the same time.

Poor Phil.

“It’ll be your mum’s chicken soup,” Dan promised, then patted Phil’s bundled up shoulder tenderly before heading back out to the kitchen.

“He’s got chills,” Dan told Kathryn over the phone propped up on the counter, “but it still doesn’t seem too bad. He needs to sleep, and I gave him some paracetamol. He complained that he wants your soup again.”

“Well, then, let’s get back to work,” Kath replied.

******

An hour later, Dan brought a bowl into the bedroom where Phil lay sleeping fitfully. At first, Dan considered letting him sleep, but then he remembered that Phil hadn’t eaten anything all day, and so decided it would be worth waking him up to give him a bit of nutrition.

“Phil,” he whispered, setting the bowl and spoon on the bedside table with the paracetamol bottle, a box of tissues, and the empty glass of water—he’d go refill that as soon as Phil had some soup. “Phil,” he coaxed, “I brought you some soup.”

“Don’t want your soup,” Phil fretted sleepily. “Want my mum’s chicken soup.” He turned away again.

“This is your mum’s chicken soup,” Dan insisted. “Just have a taste and see. Just one taste.”

Phil glared at him in mistrust, his eyes glassy with fever, but he did sit up and let Dan spoon some soup into his mouth. He closed his eyes and relaxed more than Dan had seen him do in two days. “It’s my mum’s soup,” Phil marveled, opening his eyes to gaze gratefully at Dan. “Is she here?”

Dan shook his head, but before Phil could look disappointed he added, “But I’m here. I’m always here for you, sweetheart. And your mum helped me make the soup for you, because we both love you so much. Will you have another spoonful?” Phil nodded, and then continued to eat until the bowl was empty, after which he cuddled into his blankets, looking less miserable and a bit comforted by the taste of the familiar family recipe.

Dan returned to the kitchen with the empty bowl and water glass, and Kath was still on the phone. They’d been on the phone together for hours now. “He ate the bowl of soup,” Dan told her, and they both sighed together in relief. “Apparently you helped me make it right.”

“You did wonderfully, Dan. Now, let me know if things get any worse, but I know you’ll take lovely care of my boy. You always do.”

Tears sprang to Dan’s eyes at her trust in him. “Thank you, Kath. That means a lot to me. And thank you for all your help today. I could never have done it without you.”

“Of course not,” Kath replied pertly. “It’s my chicken soup!” And they both chuckled.

“Okay,” Dan said. “I’m going to take him some water and sit with him for a while. Maybe get a cool cloth to wipe his face.”

“He’ll like that,” Kath said softly. After a moment she added, “Thank you, Dan.”

Dan smiled at the phone on the counter and said softly, “You’re welcome. I love you all—you know that.”

“We do,” Kath replied. “And we love you, too, Dan. Take good care of yourself while you taking care of our boy. Because you’re our boy, too.”

Dan felt a wave of gratitude and affection that nearly brought tears to his eyes. “Thank you for that.” And before she could say anything else sappy enough to make him actually cry, he ended the call by saying, “I’ll phone you if anything changes—whether he gets better or worse—but right now I want to go take him some water. Talk to you soon, and thanks for the help with the soup.”

“You’re welcome, Dan,” she replied, and they both hung up. They’d been on the phone together longer than Dan’s longest Skype calls with Phil back in 2009.

Across 3. giving each other smooches 6. the decorative item hanging on the wall in Dan’s bedroom 7. the topic of many sappy movies 8. they probably get this from Domino’s 9. Dan posted a picture of himself wrapped in this blanket on Twitter 11. what you have when people leave you alone 13. they make this in the microwave 14. Dan loves to use these for a luxurious tub experience 16. you can stream a lot of tv shows on here, including “Stranger Things” 17. a declaration of affection 18. a part of his body that Dan has repeatedly said is very sensitive 20. a synonym for “snuggling” 21. Phil’s new hairstyle 22. Phil would use a razor for this

******

Phil woke the next morning surprised that Dan wasn’t in the bed. Since it was unlikely that he’d woken up before Phil, chances were good that he’d never gone to bed at all and had instead stayed up all night. Again.

Putting on his glasses, Phil sat up in bed and looked around, only to find the bedroom more of a disaster than usual.

In fact, the bedroom didn’t look the same at all.

The room wasn’t the right shape, and the duvet wasn’t the right color, and the bed wasn’t even the right size. But Phil had watched enough episodes of “The Twilight Zone” to know he should get up to investigate what else might be different.

He hesitantly stepped out into the hall, where socks littered the floor, and walked toward where the most light seemed to be coming from, which he presumed would be the lounge.

Action figures, plushes, photographs, and plants in various stages of death throes decorated the shelves as usual, but only one laptop sat on the coffee table. He walked into the adjacent kitchen to find all the cabinets slightly ajar. One cabinet contained a few mugs, and none of them were Dan’s.

In fact, he had thus far seen no sign of Dan anywhere in the flat.

Searching around, Phil eventually located his phone and decided to phone Dan to find out what the heck was going on around here, but Dan wasn’t even listed in his contacts.

Phil started to get really afraid now. A Twilight Zone world in which Dan Howell didn’t exist was not okay with him! Not for a second!

Sitting down at his laptop, he googled Dan but only found the Howell family’s familiar phone number in Wokingham. Nothing about Dan himself online, which was obviously extremely strange. Phil didn’t have the closest relationship with Dan’s family, but maybe Dan’s mum could help?

Phil phoned their number and, luckily, Dan’s mum answered. Phil had a better relationship with her than with Dan’s dad. “Karen,” he sighed in relief. “I’m trying to find Dan. And everything is strange. But I’m hoping if I can just talk to him we can work this out. Do you know where he is?”

The woman on the phone sounded very stiff when she asked abruptly, “Who is this?”

“Um,” Phil hesitated. Karen should know his voice. “It’s … it’s Phil. Phil Lester. You know … Dan’s … friend.” Dan’s family had never, even after all these years, been very good about acknowledging their relationship, so Dan and Phil had chosen to just go along with the fictional platonic housemates story in order to keep the peace.

“You’re a friend of Dan’s?” Karen sounded skeptical.

Utterly confused and increasingly frightened that Karen not only didn’t recognize his voice but apparently didn’t even recognize his name, Phil said, “Yeah. Um … good friends.”

“Dan doesn’t have any good friends,” Karen replied flatly.

Phil stared mutely at the phone for a moment with no idea what to say in reply to that. But apparently she knew where Dan was, so he just needed to get Dan’s phone number from her and he’d be able to work this out with Dan. They could work anything out together, even in a Twilight Zone world. What should he say? “We’re … um … friends from way back. We haven’t talked in a while. But I’d really like to get back in touch.”

Karen sounded suspicious when she asked, “What was your name again?”

“Phil. Phil Lester.”

Dan’s mum grumbled, “I’ll go see if he’s awake yet,” but Phil was relieved to learn that Dan was nearby and he should be able to speak with him soon.

A moment later, Dan’s sleepy voice came on the phone, “Hello?”

“Dan!” Phil cried. “Oh my god! I’m so glad to hear your voice! What the heck is going on?”

“Phil?” Dan replied, sounding confused. “Phil Lester … from back when we used to do YouTube? I mean, it’s good to hear from you, but it’s been ages! How have you been?”

Phil’s eyes widened. Dan sounded like he barely remembered him! And uncomfortable, like maybe they hadn’t parted on the best of terms but Dan was trying to be friendly.

“Um … good. I think. I mean, yeah, good.” Phil wondered what he was supposed to say next. “Um … how have you been?”

Dan sounded awkward. “Oh, you know, I get by.”

“What are you doing these days?” Phil asked, flailing wildly in an effort to gain some kind of information about the situation.

“Oh,” Dan sounded embarrassed, “you know. Still getting benefits … ever since that thing at university. Living with my parents. It sucks, but … when you can’t work you do what you can, right?”

Dan was on benefits? Since university? And he wasn’t able to work? Why?

“I mean, maybe if we’d really given that YouTube thing a go things would have turned out different, you know? I like to think that, anyway.” Dan sounded both wistful and sad. “But if wishes were fishes…”

Phil didn’t know what to say to that. They hadn’t gotten seriously involved with YouTube? It started to dawn on him that … maybe … without YouTube … when Dan had his crisis at university, he wouldn’t have had anything else to turn to, to give his life meaning. Had he … had he fallen into some kind of depression and been unable to find his way out? Had he been living with his parents ever since?

“Yeah,” Phil replied hesitantly. “If wishes were fishes.”

“So,” Dan seemed extremely uncomfortable now. “What have you been doing? Since giving up YouTube, I mean?”

Phil had given up YouTube, too? What the heck had he been doing with his life? He glanced around the lounge for some kind of clue, but came up empty. “Oh,” he stammered, “this and that.” He grimaced, unsure what to say. “Nothing in particular, I guess.” What would his life had been like if he’d given up YouTube and lost his relationship with Dan all those years ago? He hated to think about it. “I just,” Phil hesitated, then continued, “I just wanted to hear your voice, you know? We were so close.”

“Yeah,” Dan’s voice sounded warmer now. “We were. That was a really good time. I wish…” he trailed off as if stopping himself from saying something he shouldn’t. Then he continued, “I wish maybe we’d given the YouTube thing a more serious try. Maybe now we’d be rich and famous!” He laughed.

“Yeah,” Phil replied numbly. “Maybe we would.”

“Well, I should get going,” Dan said, sounding sad. “It was nice talking to you again, though, and remembering the good times.”

“Yeah,” Phil said again. “The good times.”

And then Dan ended the call and Phil simply stood there, holding his phone in his hand, staring at nothing. He and Dan had both quit YouTube? Dan was living with his parents and—if Phil knew anything about him after all these years and could read anything in his voice—was desperately unhappy? What was Phil’s own life like? Did he even want to find out?

He decided that no. No, he did not want to find out. He wanted to go back to bed, and fall back asleep, and wake up to everything being normal again. The phone rang in his hand, and an unfamiliar number was identified as “Work.” Phil silenced the phone and dropped it on the rug as if it had burnt the skin of his hand.

No. He definitely didn’t want to find out anything more about this world. He just wanted his life back, and—most of all—he wanted Dan back.

So he walked back into the unfamiliar bedroom, crawled back into the unfamiliar bed, and pulled up the unfamiliar duvet until it completely covered his head. “I wish I had it all back,” he murmured to himself, fighting tears. “I just want it all back.”

It took him a long time, and he didn’t succeed in his struggle against the tears, but eventually he did fall back asleep.

******

Phil woke with his head still under the duvet and dreaded finding out what existed outside this bed. Had it all been a terrible dream? Or would he still be in that horrible flat with all the socks on the floor and only one laptop and none of Dan’s mugs in the cabinet?

Then he felt the bed shift and an arm snaked around his waist, pulling him close to a warm body. “Why do you have the duvet pulled up over your head?” Dan’s sleepy voice asked. “I couldn’t even see you to give you a kiss when I came to bed.”

Phil pulled the duvet down abruptly and turned to look at Dan’s beautiful puffy sleep face with his hair all sticking up and the creases from the pillowcase on his cheek, and Phil wrapped his arms around him and held him tighter than he ever had before.

“Whoa!” Dan exclaimed, sounding a bit more awake. “What’s all that for? Bad dreams?”

Phil kissed Dan on the lips, then on both his cheeks and his nose and his chin and his forehead and then his nose again until Dan was laughing. “It’s like being in bed with an enthusiastic puppy!” he giggled.

“The worst dreams,” Phil finally answered him, going back to just holding him close. “The worstest of worstest worst dreams ever.”

Dan pulled his face away slightly so that he could give Phil a soft, gentle kiss, and then said, “I’m sorry you had nightmares. But everything’s okay now.”

Tears sprang to Phil’s eyes as he nodded. He couldn’t speak past the lump in his throat, so he just nodded again and gave Dan another kiss.

They lay there together in bed for a long time before Dan leaned over to pick up his phone and groaned, “Oh, it is way too early! I was up late playing Skyrim and I want to sleep at least another three hundred hours!”

“No,” Phil replied, finally calming down a bit. “No, let’s … let’s go to the shopping centre.”

Dan stiffened. “Are you forgetting about yesterday? I’m not really wanting to run into any fans today, Phil. I just want to hide at home and pretend like we’re normal people who don’t have gazillions of people watching our every move.”

“But most of them aren’t like that,” Phil replied quickly. “Most of them aren’t going to follow us around or do anything creepy … they just love us.” Dan still looked dubious. Phil kissed him again and then stroked his cheek. “We’re really lucky to have so many people who love us. Maybe it would be good to go out and remind ourselves that most of them are really sweet and kind. Think about the meet-and-greets, how happy they make you. Wouldn’t it be nice to just … just meet some people who like what we do? People who say we make their lives better … just by being us and doing what we love?”

Dan rolled his eyes and sighed. “Well, when you say it like that…”

Dan hauled himself out of bed with a groan and stretched, then gave Phil a grin. “Let’s go out and meet our adoring public.”

Phil laughed, knowing that Dan was joking … and yet that what he said was true at the same time. There were a lot of people who adored them … and he and Dan adored their fans, too. It was like a mutual adoration society composed of millions of people.

Take My Breath Away by Berlin Turning and returning to some secret place inside Watching in slow motion as you turn my way and say Take my breath away Take my breath away

Trust Game by Toadies Dress yourself In the future See good times I'm waitin' Do you wanna play A trust game?

Vertigo by U2 Hello, hello We're at a place called vertigo Lights go down, and all I know Is that you give me something

Light Headed by David Guetta and Sia In your embrace I close my eyes Our love it feels divine I feel the heat of your skin on mine You and I are one tonight You take my breath away You got me feeling faint

Choke Me by floral print You tore me up and wore me down Prepare the crown and choke me now i found the spot, the pillowed ground So hold me down and choke me now