#petbereavement

8 Jan. 2022.

In homage to Philip Pullman, he has created a concept which perfectly encompassed how I felt about my little dog Bridget; a Jack Russell terrier who I got as a puppy in 2008 just hours after my biopsy which would later be confirmed as cancer.

She was the lively one in the litter, and in the following months, would be integral to my survivng through cancer treatment. In the years that followed, she had become my ever-present companion, always there for a cuddle and walkies, following me to the Stable Yard and sneaking off to the muck heap or stealing bits of hoof after the Farrier had been.

I am currently in the UK (where I live in Winters) and she was at my Summer home in Canada with my partner. This was a usual arrangement, I've been living between the 2 countries for many years. The dogs knew that I'd return in Spring and I would get occasional videos and photos sent to me.

However, on Thursday 6 Jan, instead I got a message from my partner, Bridget had had a stroke and despite rushing to the Vets, nothing could be done. She was only 13 (my last JRT lived to 17, and the one before that, to 18 - I only had one who lived less when I had cancer and she'd developed a genetic rheumatoid arthritis which meant she only lived to 5), but Bridget was (seemingly) fit and healthy! She was well; and then she was gone :(.

I'm gutted; she was my dæmon; a part of me, the little dog who kept me sane during cancer and since (because, cancer and its effects never really go away...). So many times, when nobody else could understand the wierdness that surrounds me nowadays, she was there and happy and providing welcome distraction and love.

I will miss her forever, and my world has now been shattered. It's all I can do just to attempt to proverbially glue the bits back together. I'm broken and damaged enough from cancer and the death of my Dad, but this latest loss has left a void that will never be closed.

R.I.P. my best friend. xox

Julianne Hough - Coping with Multiple Deaths.

Julianne Hough - Coping with Multiple Deaths: Julianne took to instagram last week to announce the tragic death of Lexi and Harley, her two Cavalier King Charles Spaniels. The American star of Dancing with the Stars announced the sad loss on her instagram page. She wrote:

"Thank you for being my babies, my daughters," Hough wrote. "Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for teaching me how to be your mother."Thank you for allowing me to give and receive love. Thank you for your kisses. Thank you for your blessings every single minute of every single day. Thank you for your souls. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for letting me protect you. Thank you for protecting each other. Thank you for the timeless memories. Thank you for your magic."

Lexi was born on July 21 2008 whilst Harley was born on March 28 2011. The girls were three years apart but both passed away on the 28th September. To lose one of your beautiful pups is awful but two in one day, I just cannot imagine the pain. Grief is a tough beast but suffering two deaths at once or very quickly after one another can be overwhelming.

Coping with the shock of grief.

I've talked about the impact of a bereavement, we all experience grief differently and each grief can be completely different from a previous one. But often our first reaction is shock. To have to cope with a double shock can be especially tough. The impact can be very physical.  The NHS guide Understanding reactions to traumatic events, states that:

Traumatic events are generally sudden and unexpected and because there is no time to prepare beforehand, a person has to make sense of things after they have happened. When the threat system is active, the parts of our brain that help store and remember information don’t work so well. The sense of threat or danger can mean your mind holds on to the memory very strongly. It takes time to adjust to the new experience and for the sense of danger to subside.

It is really important to take very good care of yourself.  If you can talk to someone who understands what you are going through it can really help to reduce the sense of threat.   Try to keep using your breath to cope with the impact of the adrenaline.

Again the NHS has some really helpful advice on its website:

This calming breathing technique takes just a few minutes and can be done anywhere.

You will get the most benefit if you do it regularly, as part of your daily routine.

You can do it standing up, sitting in a chair that supports your back, or lying on a bed or yoga mat on the floor.

Make yourself as comfortable as you can. If you can, loosen any clothes that restrict your breathing.

If you're lying down, place your arms a little bit away from your sides, with the palms up. Let your legs be straight, or bend your knees so your feet are flat on the floor.

If you're sitting, place your arms on the chair arms.

If you're sitting or standing, place both feet flat on the ground. Whatever position you're in, place your feet roughly hip-width apart.

Let your breath flow as deep down into your belly as is comfortable, without forcing it.

Try breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth.

Breathe in gently and regularly. Some people find it helpful to count steadily from 1 to 5. You may not be able to reach 5 at first.

Then, without pausing or holding your breath, let it flow out gently, counting from 1 to 5 again, if you find this helpful.

Keep doing this for 3 to 5 minutes.

I'm glad that Julianne Hough and her partner have had lots of family and friends to support them through this awful time and send them my very deepest condolences.

Pet Bereavement

My Pets Ashes is dedicated to helping you to cope with the loss of your pet. If you would like more help and advice about dealing with the loss of a pet you you can find more information here.

You can also sign up for my FREE Pet Bereavement Guide right here. Let me help to guide you through your bereavement journey, one step at a time.

Julianne Hough