#personal gubbins

+ >Data_slate_entry_002.exe initiate - + Date_=_0_635_423_M41 - + The experiment has begun, as Enginseer Dominus proclaimed. Every skitarii ranger has been paired with a suitable guardsman for the purpose of social/physical interaction and data collection. The fleshy infantryman this unit has been paired with is known to the databank as “IG_28827-62947-2390_Cadia" but prefers to be known as "Pollux Pecan". - + This unit had come across this in the data downloaded the night cycle previously from the command ship in orbit: individual naming without the use of numerals for efficient parsing and identification. This unit voiced its concern about the lack of efficiency to unit "Pollux" due to the difficulty in locating the proper body after battle for paperwork, especially if the corpse has been defiled or destroyed in a manner that makes identification needlessly difficult visually. The lack of proper blood flow to pollux's face and erroneous vocalisation indicated sudden onset anxiety, this unit assumes the lack of sense and efficiency concerns him as much as it does this unit. Our socialisation is off to a good start, this unit predicts. - + During the half-day-cycle nutrition & hydration hour, this unit and "Pollux" shared rations (as this was stated in the mechanicum/imperium socialisation guide data-script to engage relations kinesthetically) This unit had hoped that the recycled protein cuboid would provide adequate nourishment for the high calorie intake of unit “Pollux” leading to both high energy, regular bowel movements and enhanced mental function. Pollux displayed dismay during consumption, citing reasons thereof due to “lack of flavor”, “unpleasant texture” and “what was it recycled from anyway?” - + In the spirit of the experiment, this unit shared the chemical composition, production methods and source of recycled protein. After the sharing of the last piece of information, unit “Pollux” moved at speed to the guardsman barracks prefab waste depository known colloquially as “latrines” whereupon he ejected the contents of his stomach. - + This action was most unpleasant for this unit, as the wastage of any resource is a sin unto the Omnissiah -may they bless this unit- and a perfectly good resource it was indeed. Human remains are a plentiful material, and have much better use than ritual burial. This unit assured the unit “Pollux” that the process to render the corpse into a consumable matter removes it from enough stages of identification as to not constitute as cannibalism, which is not only an abomination unto the emperor and omnissiah, but risks prion infection.   - + Regardless, after unit “Pollux” had finished his sinful waste of perfectly good nutrients, this unit in an attempt at social reconciliation consumed part of unit “Pollux’s” meal. It was disgustingly flavourful, a mixture of starches, proteins, vitamins and fats. Completely inefficient, and to make matters worse, not in a basic shape for ease of handling. Archaic culinary utensils had to be used in its consumption. However, to put unit “Pollux’s” social anxieties at ease, this unit informed unit “Pollux” that the ratio of fats to starches was acceptable, and that the heavy application of sweetened red fruit paste to the salted vegetable brown paste was considered by my data-script on social strata to be “tasty”. This unit prays to the great Omnissiah that unit “Pollux” does not wish to exchange nutrients again. - + Praise the Omnissiah - + >Data_slate_entry_002.exe application saved + closed - + /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 

Orisa is the newest addition to the overwatch roster, an african Omnic created by a child genius from the bits and pieces left over from a deadly assault by the villain Doomfist. Rather than simply being a defense drone, Orisa was created to be a hero from the get-go by her creator. She defends Numbani from threats to man and omnic alike, helps old ladies cross the street, prevents littering, stay in milk and drink school. all that jazz.

(Its like Superman, Bastion and Chiron had a baby, and the baby was delivered by Jimmy Neutron) 

Lets first cover the good stuff, and arguably most important in a competitive multiplayer game; how she plays!

She plays like a middle-gameplay-ground Tank, she’s got a little deployable shield like Reinhart/Symmetra, a self-supporting utility ability like roadhog/D.va, with a gun halfway between 76′s rifle and bastions minigun, her ult is an AOE version of mercys alt-healing damage boost and a alt-attack of a mini graviton surge that's a scaled down version of Zaryas Ultimate. Her lack of mobility is her greatest weakness, as firing her main gun slows her down, and her support ability only reduces damage and prevents being knocked around.

I think she’s pretty well balanced at the moment, roughly. I think her gun needs fine tuning with a lack of headshots like the current bastion, and less ammo; alongside plenty of other tweaks that will inevitably happen. I’ve only played her a few times and I feel like the initial stats are okay at least. maybe a little too good for now. time will tell, playtesting is good. 

(“Beep boop, look both ways before crossing. you have ten seconds to comply”)

Now, lets cover the bad stuff, which is all just my own opinions here. feel free to disagree and discuss them with me.

Personally, I think centaurs are one of the goofiest looking fantasy creatures out there. half a man and a horse, requiring mind bending acts of hand-waving to make their biology not horrifying, incapable of entering most human sized houses and vehicles, and generally looking and acting quite silly. They just don’t look particularly good to me, and I feel like if they weren’t a part of popular greek mythology they’d of been laughed out of the fictional creature bestiary long ago. Heck, their personal lives aren’t much better. They’re either drunk frat boys trying to out-party the Satyr’s or downright terrifying creeps who aren’t above kidnapping to get their jollies.

(He’s got like, at least 8 sets of abs there. also does he have two sets of internal organs? science, get on this.)

But hey, that's just my personal bias there. I don’t like centaurs. they look silly and they act creepy.

Orisa, is a robot centaur. Strike 1 for me I’m afraid. I do however like the sheer brave weirdness of her design, I mean shit, she’s a robot! she can be any shape you want and they fucking went with it. nobody can claim the designers were being dull with female shapes in this case. I can respect that whole creative bag.

point 2, is that personality-wise, there’s not much at all, at least for now. You’ve got a nice policewoman centaur ED-209 here. thats it. the girl who made her would of been WAY more interesting a character, but having an 11 year old african child fighting physically in a global defense force would be a little too hardcore for blizzard.

(+100% personality, -100% combat ability. -2 ears.)

I like to think with Orisa being just released we’ll get more character out of her soon, but with the base concept, I can’t see much you can go with her that’s that interesting. 

I much prefer the original concept me and the husband came up with before we looked into the whole thing; that Efi here was using the Orisa robot as a kind of long-ranged proxy to fight for overwatch. Kind of like D.va with Wifi. It makes sense to me, genius level 11 year old wants to help make the world a better and safer place, but is smart enough to realise that a teenager with bright ideals and a sharp wit isn’t going to stop the bad guys alone. Cue the super-drone! heck, why not drones? the challenge of playing more than one character at once might be interesting to explore.

Of course you then have the unfortunate fact that an 11 year old is playing the most realistic game of CoD with robots ever, but she’s already made a robot that can straight up murder people, with a fusion machine gun and gravity bombs. the bloods already on her tiny hands.

...

Bet you about 90% of you thought I was gonna bitch about mei's combat mechanics huh?

Nah, this isn’t about that. But whilst we’re on that topic, I don’t think I like them.

I very much subscribe to the gaming school of thought where players REALLY dislike having their control taken from them in a game. that's why the sandman weapon in tf2 got nerfed into oblivion after all. 

It originally completely stunned you for a few seconds, no movement no nuffin’, regardless of the distance chucked or where it hit you. It didn’t have a good skill/payout ratio, and as a heavy main at the time OOOH BOY did I despise this weapon.

Later nerfs took away the complete stun in a way, these days you have to hit it from a long distance to get a complete stun where you can’t move, otherwise you’re slowed and can’t use your weapon for a few seconds. still sucks for the sucker smacked with a saltball but at least you can dodge a little bit and you have some measure of control over your fate.

Meis main attack is a damaging spray stun. Her Ultimate is an area of effect stun. Most common mei tactic is to quickly stun your ass with M1, then headshot you with M2 for a quick kill. if you fight a decent mei 1 on 1, you’re probably fucked. If you’re within her range (which a lot of characters need to be), you’re fucked. 

Then again, maybe you’re not meant to take her on one on one? it's a team game after all. plenty of heroes can escape, kill or tank her decently if you’re good enough...

I digress.

What I originally came here to bitch about is mei herself. Her character, or rather, lack thereof.

It sucks. there’s nothing to her.

Well, to say she has NOTHING would be a lie. what does she have? she’s a chinese cryo scientist from a different time era, frozen in time, a very smart woman who should throw out sick freezer-burns (HA) like mr freeze!

Damn, I love me some ice puns.

But... we don’t really explore any of that. 

She’s chinese, so she speaks some of her lines in chinese (not sure if its Cantonese or Mandarin, sorry) nearly all of them are just translated word for word from her english ones. She doesn’t mention or seemingly utilise any interesting chinese culture tidbits into her dialog or character. She doesn’t talk about back home or how the china she knew isn’t the same anymore-

Speaking of, this girl is from the past. she doesn’t point out or find it odd how things have changed? she doesn’t use old lingo, old terms, find it disappointing her favourite show is cancelled, that they discontinued her favourite type of soda, anything? we don’t get told how long she was frozen for, but shit man. even a year would be worth making reference too, especially in our fast paced modern society.

What makes it worse is that her ice puns are to a minimum! good god man, think of the children!

Did I mention she’s got a lil’ floating Eve robot? yeah, she’s got one. never talks about the damn thing in game. neither does anyone else come to think of it. it's the thing that activates her ultimate, she chucks him out like a little happy hand grenade. thats an entire character aspect just glossed over. Fuck you R2-U2, you didn’t make the cut.

Also, let's quickly address “mei is bae”. Mei is cute. she’s a wonderfully chubby girl who’s got the wholesome cute girl geek next door vibe going on. I’d totes magotes date her if I wasn’t already engaged, and my boyfriend would too. this doesn’t do shit for her character substance, it's just worth mentioning.

I think the crux of her suckatude is her motto. “the world is worth fighting for!”

I honestly couldn’t think of a more generic hero quote if I tried. Not even the flying boy scout that is superman would shit out this line unironically these days.

She’s just this bizarrely boring character in what is a genuinely thrilling lineup of heroes. Jesus titty fucking christ guys, we’ve got an octogenarian german cyberknight, a Tesla moon gorilla, a Literally-fucking-clint-eastwood, and a brazilian Jet Set Radio DJ who heals bullet wounds WITH DEM SICK BEATS BRO. how can you make such a god damn amazing lineup and then just come up with; “uhhh. chinese scientist. uses freeze gun. perky and dateable”

It just smacks of everyone breaking for lunch early and never picking up the idea again. why is she so so so so SO SO SO SO SO SOOOOOOOOOO dull? I hate playing as her because she’s so dull. none of her lines make me chuckle at either the badassitude or the corny nature of them. 

I and many other players come to overwatch because of these characters. these funny, silly, serious, fun, badass and cool characters. If you took them out, the game would still be playable but it’s soul would be gone. it’d be a flavourless meal, filling to be sure, but like ash on our tastebuds.

Fortunately, we’ve got ourselves a pretty damn good feast as it is. Unfortunately, it just makes this one stale little crouton stand out in this cornucopia of flavour.

Partly because I just need to vent.  And why not?  Why should I have to keep quiet?  I deserve to be heard, just like anyone else.  Also because I need people to know.  There are times when I behave oddly or react to things in a way that must seem strange to those around me and rather than explain over and over to each person as it comes up, I might as well put it here, so everyone can know what I deal with - the mess that's in my head.  It hurts and it drives me mad sometimes.  But I think I finally understand why...

I have lived nearly all my life with a manic-depressive, self-indulgent, egocentric parent.  For the first thirteen years of my life, that seemed to work out alright, as she had my step-father to depend on.  Then came the divorce.  That was bad enough of an experience.  He committed adultery with a member of his church, hid behind his religion and the church congratulated him on his actions because my mother wasn't one of them.  Not once, in all the years since has that man ever built up the spine to talk to me about what he did or even send me birthday cards.  He was my dad for thirteen years.  For comparison, my father, a schizophrenic who was arrested for child molestation and spent most of his life in maximum security actually  sent me cards on a regular basis, wrote to me regularly and when he got out, he took me aside and explained to me what he did and why it was wrong and urged me never to make his mistake.  So yeah, bit of an bunghole.

But that was a singular shock - that can be dealt with.  Traumatic, but one gets over it.  In any case, I didn't really have time to deal with it.  We had moved to a new town.  From Lafayette, IN to Crawfordsville.  A year later, they divorced, leaving me, just entering my teens in a strange city with no friends and my mother.

My mother.  She's not a bad person.  She's a wonderful person in many respects, really.  For all I said earlier, she's been far better than a lot of parents out there.  I mean, here I am, alive, more-or-less well, and functioning on my own, so she must have done things right for the most part, yeah?  And I don't hate her, by any stretch.  

But there is... a bad side to her.  And I can sum it up with a single event that took place before I was born.  For the longest time she would tell me that I was "All her own idea" and I always took that to be a oblique reference to the fact that I take more after her side of the family than my father's, but one day she explained it to me.  Apparently, when she decided to get pregnant, she just stopped taking her birth control without letting my father (who I think she was married to at the time, but I don't know for sure) know or even discussing it with him.  This means I was a complete surprise to him.  And what's more, she's proud of this action.  "I decided to have a baby and that's what I did!"

She's manic depressive, her mood changes on a whim and she's focused on self indulgence and cannot understand perspectives outside her own.  She refuses to accept responsibility and actively avoids it.  We moved every year throughout my junior high and high school years.  Apartment after apartment.  She'd get tired of one and then up stakes and move on a whim.  She spent nearly all her time looking for a replacement husband and running around with friends, never really dealing with the housework.  She still talks fondly of an an old apartment we used to live in which was pretty enough, but my bedroom was not more than an extended closet, barely big enough across for my bed.  I hated it.  It was tiny and her room was the living room.  But she never acknowledges that it was bad for me and even scolds me if I speak poorly of it, telling me that I'm just being cynical.

Emotionally, she's impossible.  To date, she has had the same boyfriend for something like eight years now, but in that time she has broken up with him at least half a dozen times, kicked him out at least four times and changed the lock on him three times.  And those last two have just been in the three years since I moved out.  And each time she says "never again!" then accepts him back in and then immediately starts calling me up and complaining about him to me.  Even when my girlfriend was down visiting, she called, trying to get me to come and keep her company.  And this is the way every relationship she has had since her divorce has been.

So why am I telling all this? What does this have to do with me now?  

I think all this upheaval has left me, deep down, with a sense of fear, that at any moment, anyone could change their minds or attitudes.  I expect things to go as they ever have, that whatever stability I have will be lost and that it will be taken from me by forces outside of my control, without any thought or compassion for my well being.  The idea of permanence and comfort with other human beings is something I just... I have a hard time trusting.

That said, since I moved out on my own, I've been getting better.  As I branch out and deal with more things myself, I find that things can work out right and that I do have the power to manage my own life.  And I would be seriously remiss if I didn't mention my girlfriend, Melissa and the wonderfully positive influence she's had on my life.  It's thanks in large part to her affection that I've realized what I've been missing out on all these years.  People here have been wonderful as well.  Sometimes big things, sometimes just little things, but you've all helped me to realize that I can trust people and put emotional faith in them.

That said... it's a long road to recovery and I'm still very twitchy.  I'm not looking for pity or exceptional favors, just try to understand what I'm going through and be patient with me.  Just keep being your wonderful selves and I'll eventually get used to it.

---

I’ve posted this here as well, because, as I said, I want people to know.  I can’t keep all this buried anymore.  I need to speak out.  Not necessarily against anything, but just because I can’t stand being silent anymore.  Just smiling and pretending that everything’s fine while my mind tears itself apart.