#personal anon

the anon

hey hey, the anon again :P (it’s seriously been months, why does my keyboard still try and change it to “thé”?? 😭😭)

Anyways, I wanna start this by saying your last response nearly made me cry. It’s not your fault, it’s just that I’ve had a handful of people now y’two me that this might end up in abuse. (Plus, I was also a week away from my period so emotions went haywire (and Jesus Christ my dysphoria))

But uh- there seems to be more problems regarding all my chaos. I might’ve realized I’m aroace…? I’ve been questioning that fact for probs the last two months now, and I’m literally so confused. I know I don’t have feelings for my partner, and I don’t think I ever did? All my crushes have seemed to be my brain wanting to be closer/similar to them, and I think I finally realized that. Only problem is how do I bring this up to my partner without them thinking that they’re the reason I’m aroace? And also, I’m not even certain I am aroace considering I enjoy both reading/writing romance and smut. But do I know what to do when the situation arises irl? Nope. Instead, I barely know how to act romantic and I feel like everything I do is wrong.

To top this all off, I think I have a platonic crush on my best friend. Like- I wanna be in a QPR with him. The other day in class, I had dyed my hair and he decided to start playing with it and I nearly melted. But I know it wasn’t cuz i romantically like him. I like the idea of cuddling him, holding his hand, all that. But in a romantic way? Nope, that seems too out there.

I’m just so confused now, and it’s all a mess. I feel like I barely have time to process all this too, cuz I’m leaving for a road trip in less than a week (my mom planned a sudden trip to Disneyland, and she wants to drive there) so I have barely any alone time to process all this. Instead, I’m gonna mask it all and pray I can keep my thoughts in control until I get back from my trip :/

Hi <3

Well if more than one person has said that to you, it's definitely something to take seriously. Trust me, I've been there before <3

As far as being aroace- plenty of aroace people love reading smut lol. But I think the thing is, whether or not you're aroace, it's clear you're not interested in your current partner and that's the thing you need to address first. And in this case, I think just saying "my feeling have changed, and I'm confused right now. I think it's better if we don't date" is enough. You don't have to give your partner a label if you're not sure or ready, and you don't have to have a huge explanation. They WILL be upset, but it's much better to just be clear and firm.

Once you do that, give yourself some time to sort out your feelings before you enter into another relationship - QPR or otherwise. Allow yourself to work through it and just BE. It's much better in the long run, trust me. You don't need to have a label and you don't need to know your exact identity, but it's good to know what you want.

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tabitha anon

Hi Cas! Sorry this is going to be super long lol and I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfortable! This is kinda time sensitive lol i’m just way overthinking right now!

So for context, i’m like, kind of disabled? ‘Kind of’ in the sense that I’m severely chronically ill, like can’t work, bedbound most days by my chronic pain, and on the rare occasions I DO go out, i tend to get pretty sick afterwards. Basically it feels like I have the flu, I get the symptoms of a fever (like shivering, sweating, supreme brain fog, bad fatigue, etc., but my body can’t actually produce one even when i’m hospital level ill, if that makes sense), I can feel every single bone and muscle in my body bc they’re all hurting, and all of my joints swell up and feel like they’re on fire. But i’m also not actually diagnosed bc I’m on the waitlists. We think I have Lupus and EDS and probably POTS, but again, i’m not actually diagnosed which is why I don’t feel comfortable saying i’m disabled lol :((

So I got a cane last year (her name is Tabitha💅) thanks to my friend’s insistence, and it really does help quite a bit. I don’t get as dizzy while i’m out, i’m able to do a lot more, and I don’t feel nearly as sick in the days after. The problem is, my mom doesn’t believe i’m sick, ans thinks that if I just [insert unhelpful advice here] then I wouldn’t be sick and i’d be totally normal. So when I got the cane, she was pissed. Whenever I use it, she makes a huge deal about me just being lazy, and not actually needing it (which ig is true; i physically can do things without it, it just makes everything so much easier). Like to the point where when we went on vacation a while ago, she told me that I wasn’t allowed to bring it, and if I did, I wouldn’t be allowed on another trip with her ever again. I spent the whole trip in Pain™, but at least she was happy? It’s to the point where it’s just easier to not use it than deal with the backlash (which my mom has taken as proof that I ‘don’t need it’😕)

So here’s the issue; I’m travelling across the country in 2 days to visit some family, who she’s already visiting. My friend is taking me to and from the airport, and i’m meeting my family there. The problem is that my family has a crazy amount of stairs—three full sets—which are always really hard for me; even doing one set of stairs more than 2x a day makes my knee swell like crazy, and is super painful, let alone my other joints. I’ve dislocated my knee before going up, and my knee has given out multiple times when I go down stairs, leading me to fall down the stairs if I can’t catch myself in time. I want to bring my cane, partly to help at the airport l, but mostly just for the stairs at my family’s place, to make it easier on me. But I know that my mom is going to be PISSED if I bring it. Thing is, she’s not here to explicitly tell me no?

So I guess my Question™ is this: do you think it’s worth it to bring Tabitha with me, and have my mom be mad, or should I just suck it up and deal with the pain/possible issues and not bring it? What would you do?

Sorry for how long this is! Also, as a side note, i’m over 18 (I just live with my parents because I can’t afford to move) so it’s not like she’s being abusive or anything lol so don’t worry about that!!

Also you can call me ‘Tabitha 💅’ anon, since i’m too awkward and scared to come off anonymous haha thank you in advance!!

Hi <3 first, I am SO sorry it took me so long to reply, this just randomly showed up in my inbox now. tumblr is so weird.

But YES. Bring your cane.

Here's the thing- you DO need it. Sure, you can function without it, but not well! And not comfortably! You Need the cane to be comfortable and to enjoy your time, so you NEED it!

I know it's hard, but try to ignore your mother's ableism. Unless she's threatening to kick you out or something, keep doing what gives you comfort. She doesn't know what it's like to be in YOUR body, and you deserve comfort.

I hope your trip goes well and you get a diagnosis soon <3

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masc girl anon

CAS CA S GUESS WAHT OHMY GOHS

the pretty masc girl shes so omg waved at me!! and i waved back without fucking it up and doing something weird like i did the last two times!!!! ajkfdsjfdsdsfjksjdkjgfljdfjlire;dslfs;ldaldakf im so happy like what

also like i cant fucking figure out if im like bi or like idk somethogn or whatbecause i dont think ive ever like really had a crush on anybody?? but also this is not a normal level of happiness?? but also i dont know send help i am crashing out bro how do i tell?? how do i tel???????? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

anyways yeah i hope youre having a nice day <3 ty

hahahaha congratulations!!! I think maybe you should try talking to her and seeing how you feel interacting with her more that might be a clue? If you still feel all giddy and happy and like...wanting to sing, that's probably a crush, but if you just feel normal friendship stuff then you probably just liked getting the wave (which is totally valid and not bad at all!).

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personal anon

so summer started and i was so excited yk!! but my mom has been working and she doesnt finish work until 2pm so i need to stay w my siblings at home and its kind of bothering me... like not because i need to go oit with my friends (it is sometimes) but mostly because i cant handle them anymore its so tiring and i just dont want to... i feel so ungratful for complaining because she works because we neeed the money and idk..

Hi <3

I think it's okay to be sad about something you have to do, while still knowing that it's not really anyone's fault. Like your mom is working to afford stuff for the family, so she's doing something positive, but it also sucks that you have to stay home. Like you're allowed to be mad about it! I think if you like...told her she was horrible for going to work, that would be a different story. But yeah, you can be sad and grateful at the same time <3

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greece anon

Hey it's Greece anon - been a while lol

Anyway so basically I finished my GCSEs on Monday (and therefore year 11 and secondary school) and I'm 16 years old but I don't know I just kind of been thinking

I think I've failed being a teenager actually. I've had like two friends for the last five years - no drama or anything. I've never ever had a crush or partner or kissed anyone (I think I might be aromantic/asexual) and I feel really left out. Everyone has lots of friends and hangout all the time and had a boyfriend already. They're all so excited for the long summer before sixth form because they get to hangout with all their friends and do fun things but I have like two and they don't really invite me places. And I'm so antisocial and awkward I've never really been invited anywhere, no parties or even just hangouts. I guess I'm just feeling sad because even though I know I'm only 16 and like got like 4 more years of being a teenager - nothing is going to change. I'm not going to date anyone because I'm pretty sure I just can't do that no matter how much I like the idea of it. I'm going to a whole new sixth form in September and won't know anyone and thanks to autism probably won't make any friends either. I'm so forgettable the only two friends I currently have are probably going to forget about me the second we're not in the same school which is now pretty much. And everyone's talking about summer plans and I've spent the last two days in my room. I don't know how this stuff comes so easily to everyone else I'm basically killing myself trying to maintain the two friends and okay-family I have now.

So that's what's new I guess just pondering the purpose of my life and cursing the universe for making me like this lol

How are you?

Hi <3

I completely understand where you're coming from because I did NOT do like...normal teenage things lol. At least not most of them.

I think the thing is, all of those things aren't always as great as you think they are. Now I TEACH teenagers and trust me, being a teenager is kind of shitty no matter what.

So the question is, what do you WANT to experience? What would be fun for YOU? If you don't like the idea of a party, don't go. If you don't like the idea of having a relationship, don't have one! Do what feels right to YOU. Because the kids who are going to parties and in relationships are usually just doing that to fit in, and some of them aren't enjoying it at all.

@ameliatheperson

hi cas! this a bit of a vent/advice maybe? im not using anin bc I've talked about this on this acc anyway, but I just don't know what to do about this.

so I have severe scoliosis, right bordering the surgical threshold. it gets x rayed about every 6-9 months, since it's pretty likely to get worse as I become an adult. this should be fine, it's my reality. the only thing is that my back has been hurting a lot more than normal this past week, in the way that it did when my curve worsened after I stopped wearing my brace. I'm really anxious about it, because if I need surgery, it will ruin my entire senior year of highschool, and there's nothing I can do to prevent it from worsening and I can't even know whether it has gotten worse until August.

I know I shouldn't worry about things out of my control, but I just need to talk to someone about it. the thing is I hate talking to my siblings or parents because they get very uncomfortable whenever I talk about it (understandably) and I don't want to burden my friends and make them uncomfortable. there is one person who has gone through the same thing or almost, but tbh I don't know where I stand with her, it's complicated. we have a school counselor, but I'm scared to talk to her for a couple reasons. I'm just hoping you have any other ideas for what to do? I've tried to help by journaling, but that never really helps me. I'm sorry, this got so long!!!

Hi!

Wow, that sounds so scary, and I completely understand why you're anxious about it. I feel like you have the right ideas for what do do about it- talking, journaling, etc. Is there any way you can go to the doctor sooner to get peace of mind?

Either way, you're welcome to vent to me all you want! I can't pretend to understand but I'm always willing to listen, and venting about things can be really helpful. Remember to continue to wear your brace and do whatever else your doctor has said to do!

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@teasiswriter

Hihihi so I have a ton of rings that I wear daily (9 in total, 6 on one hand and 3 on the other) and I kinda have a problem with “main character syndrome” I guess? In the sense that sometimes I do things hoping someone will compliment me or notice me, so I can have self esteem, but I’ve been shifting away from that and have been doing things for myself recently and I realized how good that people noticing me for actually being myself (and also, actually being myself) can feel!

In drama class someone commented on all the rings and so I just had like, a group of 5 people ask me about all of my rings and the stories behind them and I got to tell them. One of them said “yeah with your hand gestures and movements you were doing when you were talking I kept noticing them and was wondering about them all”

Like, oh my gosh???? People noticed my hand gestures???? I’m known for having hand gestures???? I barely noticed that about myself???? You like my rings????? Thank you they’re the way I express things I don’t know how to write???? They’re the trinkets I keep with me that make me feel safe???? Thank you for noticing my existence???????? I love you?????????

Anyways, it rocked and today was an okay day! Soooo yeah :D

hahaha this made me giggle because it's relatable. I think it's nice to be noticed for something you do to be yourself, you know? Like instead of doing something purposely to be noticed, you do something for yourself, and then STILL get noticed. It feels a hundred time better.

I'm glad you had a good day!

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usaid anon

Hey its usaid anon,

So... fuck. Not to anything in paticular just what the fuck.

But the point of this ask is theres been word of a 15% cut in EVERY department WITHIN the state department. And the med department (the department my mom works for) isnt that big. Not to mention the are only 10 people with the job she has, meaning her name is up there. As she said theyre "an easy part of the 15"

Ive been trying to look on the bright side of everything so rn the small comforts are that i will 100% be staying until the end of the school year (3 weeks but as i said, small comforts) and there are pros of going back to the u.s. so far i have:

I could actually go to protests

Chipotle

Family

If it happens to my friend in china too we could see each other more often

I think thats it.

SIDE NOTE: FUCKING JD VANCE CAME HERE TO INDIA. Its so stupid. He went for his kids spring break but he didnt want to pay for it so he sceduled some meetings on the monday and then got his vacation for free bc it was technically a """""business trip"""""". Kind of funny thing about the visit tho. They obviously need staff from the embassy and they were struggling to find people willing to join bc it was vance. Which is rlly funny to me.

Im really trying to find a balance between being informed and knowing whats going on and not focusing on this ALL the time.

Hi <3

I'm so sorry, that's terrifying. I wish I could do something to help. I do have to say though, chipotle being on your list of positives is such a vibe. And you're not wrong at all.

I'm sending you so much love, and please keep me updated. I hope things turn out well for you and your family <3

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hair anon

Hey, how’ve you been? Sorry for the incoming vent

I’m having a very bad gender day. It’s spirit week and I was asked to dress either emo or preppy but it made me super dysphoric and I wore my normal stuff. And I might be late for school because of all the different things I was changing in and out of to make myself feel better. I don’t even know what gender I want to look like. I don’t even know what name I want to be called. It makes me sad and angry for no reason. I don’t want to hate my body, I worked so hard to like it again. And my binder doesn’t help much. I hate my boobs and I hate my legs and I hate spirit week and I want to scream and cry and yell.

—Hair anon

Hey Cas, I’m sorry for another ask so soon

I’m just, having a very bad gender day again. My hair, my chest, my legs, everything. I can’t wear a binder because it causes me so much chest pain, and my parents won’t be thrilled if I ask for another one, so now I’m stuck, in the summer, with some big annoying boobs that won’t go away! They’re like, the forefront of ALL my normal sized shirts and make me sweat so much. If my bra is too loose it flops and if my bra ACTUALLY FITS ME it’s all big and in your face. I hate it. Like, I don’t even know how to style myself with my boobs. And summers in like, 2 months which is usually when I experiment with my style and stuff so I’m stuck looking like a massive weird freak.

Sorry. I shouldn’t say that. I learned that my thoughts about myself can actually become things I believe if I say them enough. I just feel so gross and insecure. I feel disproportionate.

I just can’t wait until summer, where I won’t be around my classmates 24/7, so I won’t get so many questions if I braid my hair to grow it out, or if I start dressing differently, etc.

My hair is just stressing me out. Everything is so stressful especially when my mind is insistent on fighting itself!! :(

Anyways, I’m sorry for the downer of an ask. Thanks for being a listening ear

—Hair anon

Hi hon!

Please don't be sorry! I totally understand having a Bad Gender Day, and it sucks SO much. The icky feeling of changing a million times, feeling all itchy in your skin, nothing feeling right...it's awful and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. You're always welcome to vent to me about that, and anything else. I wish there was something I could do </3 I'm proud of you for recognizing that your current binder isn't good for your chest. Have you tried TransTape? Sometimes it works better for people, depending on the shape of their body, or their other needs. If you do try it, make sure to follow the directions on ways to tape, and use oil to remove it. But yeah, a lot of people prefer it to binders!

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100% anon

hii its 100% anon!

thank you sm for answering my ask<3

your like explanaition is so good bc ive been trying to undrstabd what it meens but now its clear!

and yeah ig i am kind of sure? or more or less sure that i dont like guys in a romantic way!

anyways thank you so much!

hope youre doing okayy<3

Yay, I'm so glad I could help! No problem at all!

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folklore anon

folklore anon!

it took me a while to answer back but yeah..

i think youre right i shouldnt feel guilty abt how i feel but i still do and it sucks

but atleast,yes i had a great time there<3

my uncle gave me a kindle!

i hope youre having a great night/day

Yeah, it's definitely easier said than done- to not feel guilty. But I'm glad you had a great time! And a kindle is so exciting!

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personal anon

heyy, its personal anon!

so my parents took us out last thursday for dinner, everything was good until they brought up grades abd school and how its "not my style" and how "i used to be so great" and how my grades are slowly dropping as if i dont already know that and hate myself for it!and guess what? they made me cry yay! so i went to the bathroom and cried for 5mins and didnt talk to them for the rest of the night<3 and the bext morning my mom was acting like nthg happened so yeah

Ugh that sounds AWFUL. And in public, too...I'd be so upset. I'm so sorry that happened. If you want to vent, I'm here <3

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Therapist anon

Hi!

First of all, your sister sounds like a pain. Like yes, she's acting her age, but she's being annoying, and that's okay to say.

Honestly, Instead of just going to your parents and complaining, I would approach it like "___ is happening. What do you think I should do?" For example, "Sister keeps kicking me out even when I'm sick. What should I do?" And then see what they say. Don't say it sarcastically, say it like "You guys are smart, responsible adults. What do I do?" (even if you don't feel that way). Like.. make your problems their problems. Make THEM figure out a solution.

And if they won't? Idk, it's probably shit advice because it's not the nicest, but I'd probably find a way to make it their problem in another way. Like when you get kicked out, go sit with your parents and talk their ears off. When your sister won't hand you a pad, call your parents and ask them to hand you one. Make it their problem, because like...you're doing your best to cohabitate, so she needs to as well.

sister anon

My sister hit me on my face so hard that she gave me a black eye and broke my glasses and my mother isn't doing shit to her all she did was call her on the phone and yell at her a bit

She's not punishing her at all my eye has a blood cloth in it

That's awful. I'm so sorry, that must feel like absolute shit. I really hope it heals quickly. You don't deserve that at all, I hope you know <3

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therapist anon

Therapist anon here (again I'm so sorry)

Don't wanna get into all the details but I'm getting sick and tired of people doubing my parents and calling them 'over protected'

Maybe it's culture shock but I call my parents if I'm going somewhere, like leaving school I'll call and let them know. On my late morning ill call or text to let them know I've left, I'm going to a shop with my friend and then going down the road to get ice cream for example

I don't think my parents are over protective at all, also I call and text them cos I want to let them know. Yes we have life 360 but I still want to let them know what's so strange about that! I always call my mum when I've left school and my dad on a particular road just cos I've been doing it since I got a phone

Also if my dad doesn't want me to work in a particular shop then guess what! IM NOT GONNA WORK THERE

And I call my dad when I'm going into a shop cos unless it's private shopping (makeup or clothes I don't need but want) then he tells me to pay using his card that I use to buy school lunch cos he's happy too

I don't think my family dynamic is weird but I'm getting so beyond SICK AND TIRED OF PEOPLE TELLING ME ITS WEIRD AND NOT NORMAL

I call my parents after school cos one I miss them, two I want to talk to them and tell them about my day AND THREE COS I LOVE THEM AND WANT TO SPEAK TO THEM

Like I'm sorry but it's such a culture shock that people here don't speak for their parents after school like do you not like them or something?

Anyways I'm sorry cos I said no details but here wr are lol

You're the best Cas love u lots 💓

Hi!

Honestly, I think as long as you're okay with it and you have the freedom to make some of your own decisions then it's not anyone's business. I think kids' feelings matter when it comes to rules and if you feel comfortable, then it's fine. it's not like you're being kept in a tower. You're doing what you want and just checking in. As an adult, I'm not getting red flags. Unless you're like...in your twenties or something.

Screw people for judging.

Also about your other ask about your cousin...it sounds like she likes your money more than she likes you, honestly. Like she seems entitled. Does she ever want to do things just with you and not when she gets something out of it?

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accommodations anon

hey cas! just had a argument with my friends about this and i just wanted to get your opinion on the topic and also just kind of vent because i'm so frustrated.

so basically we were talking about getting extra time on tests and they basically were just saying like "oh well I wish I had extra time and it’s so annoying because some people get it for test anxiety and everyone gets that" and I was like "ok so then why don't you apply for it if you get anxiety???" and then it launched a wholleee discussion because they kept talking about how extra time isn't fair and like "in the real world you don’t get accommodations so you should just learn to adapt" and I was like… "you don’t just LEARN TO ADAPT??? that's not how it works??????" (and also like. you can get accommodations in the real world???) and one of them made up some BS like "well it’s not fair because some people actually need them and the teachers just don’t know" and I was like. "then ASK?? for accommodations????" And she kept talking about people not wanting to ask/it’s too hard/that’s personal and I was like ok but I could argue people need to learn to "adapt" and be able to advocate for themselves and she was like well it’s not that easy and i’m like. are you HEARING YOURSELF????? And also even if some people need it and aren’t getting it why does that mean stop helping the people who need it and are getting it??? and my other friend was talking about how when she was little her mom would watch her do her homework and that’s how she learned time management and why can’t other people do that - and I was like first of all I never said that’s bad, i wish parents would all help their kids and teach them skills like time management, I never said people shouldn’t learn time management, because they should - second of all, YOU DONT HAVE ANY OF THESE ISSUES???? and some people could sit at a computer or whatever and just literally not be able to do whatever it is. Or they can, but it still may take them way longer than the average person. and YOU don't know what that's like. so it's not the same to say "just make yourself do it" to a neurotypical person. because they CAN just do it. and i tried to explain like adhd paralysis and the likes to them but they just would. not. listen. so like I guess if someone has a wheelchair or something we shouldn’t help them get around school with ramps/elevators, they should just "adapt" to it because "you don’t get accommodations the rest of your life"??? but if i had said that, they would have been all offended because they don't acknowledge that invisible mental disorders are just as valid as physical ones. like it's just so DUMB.

anyways. ugh. yeah. i'm just annoyed rn. they just really don't have any empathy i guess, they're too concerned about what's "fair" (fair meaning people with accommodations not getting better grades than them because then they're a threat ig).

hope your day was better than mine </3 love u lots cas, u do sm for us!

"And also even if some people need it and aren’t getting it why does that mean stop helping the people who need it and are getting it???"

THIS. This is the thing. Also, there's a difference between equal and equitable. It sounds like this person thinks equal is fair and it isn't, because tests in general are not made in a way that are easily accessible for everyone. So yeah, they aren't given in an equal way, but they're given in an equitable way, which puts everyone on the same playing field. Which is actually a whole lot more fair.

It sucks, because a lot of people feel like this. They just don't understand. But everything you said is so true, and you have a right to be frustrated.

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personal anon

hello cas personal anon

so first thank you for answering my last ask<3but this time i need some advice..

so uh for tge past 2years or so i would say ive realised that i liked both genders so i was like "welp i guess im bi" but recently i dont know, its like that im attracted to women thats 100% sure but men? i guess not really like i can admit when a guy is attractive but i just dont see myself WITH a guy, but also ive been thinking tgat i wouldnt care if the person im attracted to is like nonbinary im just getting confused.

anyways i hope youre having an amizing day/night!!

Hi!

Okay so remember that you don't have to be equally attracted to the genders to be bi. Just be attracted to more than one gender (girls and nonbinary people, for example). Also, there's a difference between physical attraction and romantic attraction. So it could be you're bisexual but ___romantic.

Also remember that labels are for YOU. It's okay if you aren't sure and it's okay to not have one. It's okay to just look at a person and say "YOU, I LIKE YOU" and not really have a label to go with that.

Sending love <3

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phenomenal anon (new)

So I am having just a phenomenally terrible week and wanted to rant to someone, I hope this is okay for me to do. (the rest of the ask is redacted)

Oh....my God. This is a truly horrible week. I am SO sorry about your dog, that's absolutely traumatic. I have no words. Have you considered going to therapy? That's really therapy-level shit.

And I hope your finger heals!

As far as being 18. Please take a breath <3 You don't have to suddenly know everything. You have time to learn and make mistakes. I am older than 18 and still learning and making mistakes, it's okay <3. I know it's scary, but being an adult has so many wonderful positives, I promise

baby queer anon

Hi Cas, I was hoping to get your opinion on something? Tbh the fact that this is even a topic of debate is wild to me but idk😭 fair warning, this is long😅

What’s your honest opinion on Bisexuality?

I (She/Her) feel like i’m a baby queer (I’m over 21, but didn’t realize I like women until 2 years ago, and haven’t had the chance to do anything about it), and since I grew up in a very conservative area, i’m not that educated on LGBTQ+ matters.

So here’s the problem; I identify as bisexual, mostly because It just feels more right to me, but also because I don’t fully understand the nuances between that and Pan, and I feel more comfortable identifying as Bi. But I’ve been told, multiple times by multiple different people (mostly online, but some IRL too) that in being Bisexual, i’m inherently transphobic, because ‘bisexual people only like men and women, which excludes trans people’?

Idk to me, being bisexual I don’t care what ‘parts’ someone has, because i’m fine with either, and as far as I’m concerned, trans men ARE men, and trans women ARE women, regardless of where they are in their transition (even if they aren’t medically transitioning), and to me, the view of ‘only liking men and women discounts trans people’ seems like THAT is transphobic, bc that’s saying they’re neither? Obviously that could be the case for non binary people, but it just seems like a weird take to me.

Anyways, in your semi-professional opinion as Wise-Older-Sibling-and-Advice-Giver-To-All, do you think it’s transphobic to identify as bisexual, or do you think that this is some weird bullshit thing that people are making up?

P.S- I know that I could just say i’m queer, or ‘that I don’t label myself’ to avoid this, and that everyone says ‘you don’t need a label’, and I understand, and am so glad that works for some people, but as someone with severe medical trauma surrounding not getting a diagnosis (aka a label) for over half a decade and being treated like there was nothing wrong with me because of it, I take a lot of comfort in labels!

Thanks in advance, also if this is a sensitive topic i’m so sorry!

Oh wow. I'm not sure who's been saying this to you but it's definitely wrong.

So the definitions of pansexual and bisexual can be argued a bit, but my general definition is that bisexual means you like two or more genders, but you care about gender. SO for example, you may like girls and genderqueer people. Boys and girls. Boys and nonbinary people Boys, genderqueer, and nonbinary people. Everyone but boys. Whatever it is, it's a combination an gender is a factor. Pansexual means you are attracted to a person based on their personality and gender doesn't matter at all.

This isn't transphobic, imo, because it doesn't really matter if a person is trans...it matters what gender they are- cis or not. With this definition, it's not about the parts, it's about the gender.

(However, you are also well within your rights to be attracted to certain parts. That's not transphobic either and when people say it is, it's super harmful. Everyone has preferences.)

I think it's transphobic when a person is uncomfortable with trans people or spreads harmful information about trans people OUTSIDE of dating. I think it would also be transphobic is someone didn't want to date a trans person who is their preferred gender with their preferred parts, SOLELY because they're trans.

But the identity of being bisexual, imo, isn't trans. People may use that identity to BE transphobic, but the identity isn't trasphobic.

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personal anon

Hi hon <3 I just wanted to let you know I did read your message and I'm here for you. I know you said you think things 'aren't that bad' but your feelings are VALID and it's okay to feel this way.

Sending love <3

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tempted anon

Hi hon <3

I really really need you to tell your therapist about this. Please know I'm not saying that because I'm mad or sad, it's just- that's exactly what they're there for! Do you think you could write them a note and have it ready for your appointment? Maybe that will take some of the anxiety off of sharing that info.

You deserve to get better, so telling someone is the best thing to do <3

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register anon

Cas I'm in pain but that's not the point.

I just wanna know since I'm not from the US, what happens to the registered pedophile, like I've seen in movies, that they're not allowed to go near schools, but what enforces that? Is there some monitor that goes off if what they do or what happens? Just really wanna know.

Hope you're good🫶🏾

Hi I hope you're feeling better!

So according to my limited knowledge from growing up with a very paranoid mother and also a short hyperfixation on law after seeing Legally Blonde, anyone who's been convicted is on a registry and they have to keep their address on the registry. If they try to put in an address that's too close to a school, they get in trouble. And if they lie about their address, they go back to jail. And there's like...levels? If they're a high-level person, their address is public record, so you can look it up to see if anyone lives near you.

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Midnights Anon

Hello Cas! It’s midnights anon once more. Sorry for all the venting and rambling for my last few asks (I managed to do the musical! I did get some roles of mine removed (for unrelated reasons, since this musical is really weird when it comes to the script and timing, so it wasn’t personal but it still hurt my feelings? I dunno why).

I think I’m coping better, but this one might be a long one?

I don’t think I’m like, as a person, working? I do the stuff I have to do and I do the stuff I like to do but I’m tired, and things are difficult, and existing is so frustrating sometimes. I go to school and my friend does something that reminds me of my dad or just irks me and makes me upset, or my friends don’t care to include me and ignore me (not to an insane degree, but one I’m used to, but still hurts). And I don’t want to insult or resent my friends. I love my friends! They’re great and they don’t hurt me like my old ones and a lot of them like me, but they don’t really seem to care in the way I care about them? I always mentally giggle and kick my feet when I see them because they’re SO WONDERFUL but some of them don’t show the same energy, or they do but don’t include me a lot, or they do include me AND show energy but don’t do I the same levels as I do. I don’t even know if im making sense but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

And also, everyone’s dating! We’re all kids! At least I still FEEL like a kid. My body feels so awkward and uncomfortable and I already am trying to mask and not be a weirdo/let anyone see that I’m fundamentally different/incorrect, and yet my friends are already open to dating? It feels like an older teenager thing but people are already doing that stuff and leaving me in the dust. It’s all they talk about sometimes. I’m here learning to not collapse (physically and mentally) daily and they’re flirting, and dating, and breaking up, and doing more and less and everything in between. I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to them but it’s kinda hard. I just wish I was older, so I could be normal, and so I could be not left in the dust.

So I guess my question for you is, how do I grow up? How do I be older and feel like my body is mine and feels okay? How do I not feel awkward when I hear my voice? How do I know what’s wrong with me and how to fix it?

Uhm, yeah! That’s all for now. I hope you’re having a good day. Also, despite all my rambling about my stupidity and stuff, something good happened with my mental health! I had time!! I got home at 3 and instead of doing nothing, or scrolling, I did something I liked that I usually hold off on because I’m stressed it’ll take too long! I painted with my acrylics again! I don’t know if I really like the painting but I continued painting a photo I took of some random people with my digital camera, and I’m having a lot of fun! I’m kinda rediscovering how pretty colors are? I look at my paints and they smell SO GOOD and the colors are just SO PRETTY. Like, PINK???? MAROON???? PURPLE?????? PEACH???? COLORS!!!!!

Anywayssss, byeeeeee 🫶

Hi!!

Congrats on your painting!!! It sounds so much fun!

I need you to know that nothing is wrong with you. I guarantee you that there are other people who are feeling like you are. I mean, you describing your feelings brought me back to being a teenager so quickly. Feeling awkward and uncomfortable and left out...I've been there so much. It's not fun and it's not fair, but I promise you that you're not broken and you're not alone.

Please don't pressure yourself to grow up. Please don't push yourself to date or do other 'grown up' things. You'll end up getting hurt. Go at your own pace, when YOU are ready. It will be so worth it, and I promise that holding some awkward person's sweat hand while you make zero eye contact is not worth it anyway.

As far as feeling awkward and uncomfortable in your body---do things that make you comfortable. Explore with how you dress and what you do and who you're friends with. Paint! Self-expression is such a great way to become more comfortable in yourself. It's okay to do what YOU want and not what everyone else is doing. I promise you, most of those people are either miserable or oblivious anyway <3

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Family Dynamics Anon

I'm so glad you get to keep some things of hers! And yes what your aunt said- that's probably best. It sounds like it might have affected your memories of her.

yourself anon

Hey Cas!! Hope ur having a beautiful day (wait this wasn't meant to be so long sorry) im yourself anon btw

Recently I've grown quite fond of the idea of marrying a woman/nb person. Sadly, I won't ever be able to do that in my own country but I always imagined myself living in another country anyway.

My country has a particular marriage culture (highly influenced by religious gender roles yada yada) and the average marriage age is extremely low (in my opinion), women get married around 25 and men at 23. I always thought that was so unreasonable, still do. As you can expect, every child is raised with the idea that they should get married as soon as possible after they graduate or get a permanent job. One of my cousins is a pharmacognosist and now a professor at a uni (the only person in the whole extended family to pursue a medical career), but my extended family thinks “she’s still on the shelf” etc. (Dont even get me started on how nobody acknowledges aro/ace ppl, most likely they don't even know it or heard of it while gossiping in the context of a “problem”)

Because I was raised with things like “when you become a mother” or “when you have a husband” I've despised marrying and was very vocal as a child that I didn't want to get married. I, even as a kid, repeatedly told everyone I was not going to marry someone or have kids and it was always laughed off, with people saying “You’ll change your mind when you get mature.” and “The girls who say that are the first ones to marry and have the most kids.”

I hate kids (Saying that to a teacher is a bit weird lol). I always hated them. My mom tells me stories of visiting her friends etc and I wouldn't want to play/see their baby/toddler, and that I told them “I am allergic to babies.” (6-year-old me was a badass).

My views of marriage didn't change much when I embraced my sexuality, but it became less disgusting in my head. Then I got to learn how hard my people fought to have the right to marry and I started respecting marriage, still didn't want to get married and it seemed impossible because back then I was so sure I could live in the closet my whole life and excuse my lack of a partner with academics or pursuing a high-status job, etc.

Around last year, when I was making jokes to my close friends about my parent's divorce, I told them “I will never make the mistake my mom did of marrying a man who doesn't love her, by marrying a woman.”

One day, even without thinking of whether I would or wouldn't get married, the fact that “My mother won't be at my wedding.” hit me like a ton of bricks.

She won't. She wouldn't, and she would do anything in her power to make me stop. And people say “Maybe she’ll change her opinions once she understands you.” or “You are her kid, she wouldn't be like that towards you.” and I outright laugh at their faces. I've lived with the constant fear of getting kicked out since I was 11.

Even if she is as homophobic and as transphobic as they come, I love her, Cas. She raised me and my sibling practically alone, had to be “the man of the house (her words, not mine)” She dealt (and still deals) with my asshole father. She did and does her best. I hate disappointing her, I hate making her upset. And I hate how who I am makes her hate me (she doesn't know but still hates every gay & trans) and how her hating me is so normal in my eyes. How the thought of “She won’t be there, at such a happy point of my life. She will never approve and I will be the reason she stays up all night, sobbing and praying.” is so normal in my head.

I want to marry eventually, want to hold my partner’s hand, and say “This is my wife/spouse.” I want them to decide my wedding outfit, want to pose with swords in our wedding pics, want to spend my life with a person I love, who loves me as much.

And the fact that if I chose that life, I would be choosing it over a life with my mother's love and approval.

I hate this. Sometimes it makes me hate myself too.

Hi <3

This is such a complicated thing because I absolutely understand where you're coming from. It's so hard to understand that both of those parts of a person exist- the person that raised you and loves you, and the person who is homophobic and transphobic.

But I think at some point, if it is SAFE to do so, you need to make decisions based on YOUR happiness, and not someone else's. You don't owe anyone your happiness, you know? You need to prioritize your happiness, because nobody else will. So if your mother will be upset because of who you marry, then you need to understand that that is HER choice, and you are choosing HAPPINESS. You're not choosing to disappoint her, that's just a side-effect of her horrible rhetoric. Plus- and I know this is horrible to think, but it's true- someday, your mother will be gone. And then you might regret prioritizing her happiness because you might have put aside relationships that are life-long. You know?

You don't owe her a life in the closet <3

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reels anon

Hey! Uh I already have an anon name but I don't wanna use that here cause it's sth different than my usual stuff I hope thats ok?

Anyways there's this girl (real nice we even talked sometimes during breaks/send reels to each other etc) in my art lab who always wears headphones and sometimes gets a bit too into it and starts singing under her breath. Now this used to annoy the shit out of me. It just irked the shit out of me.

This had been going on for say five months? And like three weeks ago one evening it was really annoying me and I was trying to ignore it and my brain came up with this weird ass cringe idea. Uhhhhh I'm too embarrassed to say this even in anon dear god.

My stupid, dumb brain was like you already tried zoning out /daydreaming to ignore her but the sound still annoyed you right? What if you pretend you're two of your favourite characters from a ship you like where one often sings to another. Cringing just writing this but well it worked. And so I kept doing that. And like a week ago I went to the lab and she was sick/not there and I realised I was disappointed cause I kinda missed her singing???????? And I realised I fucking pavloved myself into liking her singing??????? And then a few days back we were talking and shit and she was laughing about a dumb joke I said and smiling and her hair was all messed up from running her charcoal covered hands through her hair and I realised I may kinda definitely have a crush on her

This sounds like the plot of a shitty fanfic fuuuuuckkkkk

Awww this is so cute! Not cringe, at least not imo. Plus, my wife does plenty of crazy things and sometimes I just have to be like "*sigh* James would do that too, she's just being her crazy self" so I understand your thinking lol.

But you have to tell me more! any chance she could like you too?

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14 anon

Terrified rn cas my mum just got a message on my school app saying I’ve got a 1 hr detention tmrw but I haven’t even been in for 2 days and the message said nothing about why I have detention

I’m in a bit of a good period with my mum and she thinks I might have ehlers-Danlos syndrome and possibly POTS and she’s finally gotten me a doctors appointment for the possible ehlers-danlos

That's so weird....does it give any reason why? Or even the teacher that assigned it to you? I feel like they can't just give you a detention without telling you WHY. Like if you honestly can't think of something you did wrong then maybe it's missed work or being late or something? But yeah you/your mom should definitely ask why because that's not fair...

I'm glad you have a doctor's appointment!

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@leo-crumbled

My teacher was asking me who my favorite author was, and I was like, "Oh, their name is Cas," and my teacher goes "like the Cas on ao3?" I PANICKED i was like,"which one?" She proceeded to name off a couple of you works, and I was like "yeah" she said,"Oh my god, you should listen to the podfics that people do! There's one about trans Regulus. " I looked at her, and I was like,"I know that one, I'm the one that records it, " she freaked out. She is my FAVORITE teacher

....why does this make me feel so weird? teachers are NOT supposed to know what I do in my spare time lol. it gives the same vibe as seeing your teacher at the grocery store.

But I'm glad you guys could bond!

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personal anon

hii cass

just idk i feel a little overwhelmed about school and some personal shit and i jst dk how to describe it ):

and wnted to see if youre doing okay :)

hope youre having a great night/day<3

Hi! <3

Remember to give yourself breaks and be gentle with yourself. I know it's tempting to keep pushing yourself to do All The Things, but breaks will help in the long run because they keep you energized.

Also remember that if you want to vent, my inbox is open!

I'm doing okay! I'm glad it's friday lol.