#personal --

she cried about the state of our state today and we talked about moving some more, what do you do when you want to protect someone from everything and it's coming for you too, but home feels like home and it's unfair, it's so unfair, so you keep going on dates and doing your best to smile just when you genuinely feel like it so you're not faking to the one you want to be open with you too, but you can't bring her down either

i dropped out/got kicked out of college cause of burnout w/ art (which im still struggling with)

i have an almost full-time job, though im not working rn cause of current world situations but i did for a while and im deadset on quitting once i have another job for myself. the place i work is still open and im very upset about it

i havent been taking medication and i havent seen someone in over a year. i dont talk to a lot of people often but ive been pretty... ugh. that’s it. that’s been the mood.

my cat, scooby, passed away back in june and im still not over it. i tend to blame myself for it though i know i did all i could

two months later i got a kitten as my sister did as well. she’s the only good thing to have come of 2019. her name is nana, and my sister’s kitten is named tiger. nana’s the baby to his bastard

a lot of my personal opinions and views i guess changed, given how im looking through my archive, but i really just have one overall rule and that’s to be nice to other people. 

i also want to apologize for literally anything i did before i left this damn site. i learned a lot about myself and did a ton of retrospecting and i probably perpetuated a lot of misinformation and just bad vibes all around, and really dwelled on anti-recovery for a lot of things. idk i was wrong about a lot of things about myself, im doing better now than i was doing then, and i hope to continue improving on that front.

as of now im just trying to save money to move out someday, but im also replaying some persona 3, playin animal crossing new horizons, and trying to find what i love to do.

i hope youre all doing well, if u actually read this then that’s pretty cool of you. if not i understand lol

I don’t have to be chasing my dreams yet!

I'm only 20 for f*cks sake I don’t have to be on my way to my dream job yet!

I still for a f***ton of years left!

I don’t have to be getting my bachelor or masters or whateverthehell right now

I don't have to

I don’t want to

I'm just... so tired of studying