#performative positivity

If a friend has to take a hiatus because they're facing eviction, for example, do everything that you can to make sure they know you care about them as person, as an actual friend. Unless a person has expressly asked to be left alone during a difficult time, continue to send them no-pressure messages and otherwise include them. Do not let them feel like they're a case of object impermanence.

Whether someone has expressed difficulties or not, make it a habit to acknowledge them. As I cannot say enough, this doesn't have to be intense socializing or taking on threads you cannot handle. Like posts, comment on posts, send memes that are answerable without starting a thread, or send original positivity specific to that mun's portrayal and/or writing on anon. Just reblogging a psa that is important to the mun you agree with goes a long way to allowing that mun to feel seen.

You can't know everyone well, but knowing a little bit about your writing partners is a great way to support them. If you have a mun with a pet they post about sometimes, that is something you can ask them about that doesn't have stressful, real life connotations to it while expressing that you've noticed what is important to them. If the mun seems to be okay with it, tagging them in posts you find that seem to be of their interests or tagging them in "dash games" does the same thing.

There is an epidemic of forgetting, or ignoring, that everyone is a real person here. The most minimal things that can combat that can really make someone's day!

Many times, our friends and mutuals tell us what it is that would help them out. If a person is disheartened by never having engagement with their headcanon posts, for instance, be the mutual who reads them, asks questions, includes them in threads, and/or sends in asks from memes that give them the opportunity to expand on previous ones or address new ones. If a mutual expresses that they need to not socialize OOC much for a while, give them that space and do not take it personally. Some people might want to make graphics for others, be given recommendations of movies or fics, or delve deeply into their replies. These are all valid ways of not dwelling on IRL matters for a while, and if applicable to your own situation, they're also ways that you can help someone out.

With the presently bitchy state of the RPC, I'm going to repeat: if applicable to your own situation. None of this is to be taken as though you should expend personally detrimental efforts. This doesn't need to turn into a ridiculous debate over how no one is paying you to notice that other people exist. We can all only do so much, these are some simple, but meaningful, things you might be able to do.

If your idea of positivity stops at statements like "be good to each other" or "love each other," that's all this positivity is, a statement. Positivity in action matters! It matters even more, and feels like the support many need in small ways, when things are difficult.

Yes, positivity is important. No, not all positivity is the same, and when we talk about “positivity” in the RPC, we need to be aware of that.

I know it’s a hard pill to swallow, but a lot of the “positivity” around is performative positivity, passive positivity. It’s neither helpful nor all that positive. It’s just yelling about and pressuring for positivity, while expending no personal effort to give meaningful acts of any such thing. If you really give a shit about “spreading positivity,” uplifting mutuals and the community, you won’t balk at this. You’ll assess your behavior and try to do better.

Examples of some passive/performative positivity:

reblogging statements like “we NEED to get back into the habit of POSITIVITY” and adding tags or direct statements on the reblog that you “better see everyone reblogging this” and stopping there, with a demanding threat of, at least, shaming

copy-paste, especially anonymous, positivity chain messages (that frequently cite things contrary to the mun and/or muse’s characteristics/personality/writing)

reblogging the “I actually enjoy seeing this user on my dash” and/or “I actually like following this user” etc. style posts - it’s honestly not positive, you’re implying that you don’t like seeing, following, or interacting with some, and the overall tone of the post and action is once again shaming and demanding (not to mention, everyone else’s dash is nothing but this shit while 10+ mutuals wank over each other in this manner)

reblogging PSA’s about how to spread meaningful positivity, then doing none of it

sending an emoji meme in that denotes extremely simplistic ideas of what you like about the poster, leaving it at that

random posts of how much you love everyone, citing exactly nothing or the same handful of easy to throw out, applies to a large amount of people (or it doesn’t, but we all know everyone wants to feel like they write well, have interesting muses, etc. and it plays into this) - you sound like that drunken person every bar has that goes off about how much they LOVE EVERYONE SO MUCH, not like you’re actually encouraging anyone specifically

blowing smoke up people’s asses/using requests for concrit to do nothing but give useless ass-pats about how infinitely great they are in all areas of writing and portrayal

Examples of some meaningful positivity:

engaging with partners and mutuals on their posts - liking headcanons, commenting on answered memes, liking/commenting on OOC posts

getting specific about what you enjoy in their writing, their muse portrayals, threads, headcanons, instead of the copy-paste or emoji route

appreciating mutuals and partners in visible ways (like those stated above, sending ask memes, paying attention to what they post and their muses, showing them respect and interest as real human beings) regularly, without prompting or being guilted and shamed into it

being honest, but polite and respectful, when a mutual posts a meme requesting concrit/asking what you like about the muse or writing and what you’d encourage growth with

when sending an emoji meme in about why you follow, what you like, why you stayed etc. add something to it that is specific about why

responding to replies OOC (where applicable, not all partners mesh well enough for this or desire much OOC conversation), telling them not only that you got it and liked it, but what you specifically enjoyed the most in the reply

seriously, be specific when giving positivity, your partners and mutuals are individuals and deserve to be treated as such with receiving specific-to-them comments on their writing

generally, being respectful of others - the whole environment is far more positive when you read and respect rules, boundaries, and muses, even if that means respecting that you and another mun might not work out together

It’s a minimal effort to actually bother with paying attention to the people you interact with, to take the attention you’ve paid and apply it to meaningful, individual commentary and actions. If you cannot handle this, you have too many people to deal with in a respectful, adult way they deserve...or you may want to reassess whether you have the time, attention span, motivation, and are at the right mental space in your life to be in a hobby that requires interaction with other people.

Giving people lazy “positivity” so that you feel you’ve done what you need to in order to be A Good RPer isn’t positive. It’s kind of insulting, actually. If, IRL, someone told you and the five people nearest to you identical compliments, would overhearing this make you feel good about yourself? Positive? Visible as a person? It wouldn’t, no. So, don’t do it here.

Legitimate positivity doesn’t mean constantly forcing yourself out of your comfort zone OOC, either. Your social anxiety and social deficits aren’t a sufficient excuse; you and every other person here has these complications. I have those complications!

If you find yourself still vehemently pissed at me for saying that, may want to rant back at me about how ableist this is, here’s some things I, a person with social limitations, high distraction, and serious anxiety do:

commenting on comment-appropriate posts something specific ( “the freckle on your cat’s foot is so cute!” “I love how you addressed x in that headcanon” etc.) when I am in a good space to do so

liking posts - OOC posts, meme answers and muse questionnaires that were great whether I’m tagged/sent in the ask or not, PSA’s and resources I think are good

reblogging PSA’s, resources, and other things I know are important to the mun to have shared that I agree with

sending in ask memes, sometimes even just on anon to mutuals I don’t write with - everyone wants to be sent something, this is a great way to allow others to respond to questions no one else might ask them

anonymous, positive comments on their muse, writing, blog that are, again, specific in detail

trying to note when a mutual, even one I don’t interact with really, is clearly needing a boost in confidence or interest, being sure to send a meme or something else in to them when I can

being aware of my partners and mutuals so that I can send them, when the opportunity is present with memes or requests for asks, questions on topics I think they’d like an excuse to discuss (someone keeps posting images or commentary in tags about a muse’s pet, clothing interests, hobbies, mental health, whatever, but no one is biting, for example)

The majority of the above can be done without direct, consistent OOC conversation, and much of it can be done on anon. Sometimes, it makes people feel extra good to feel like they have a secret admirer, a mysterious mutual or partner who is paying attention and valuing their posts. It sounds ridiculous, but it’s true. Especially because so many of us have trouble with random, long, or consistent OOC discussions; sending them on anon means that the receiver doesn’t feel obligated to contact and converse with you.

Positivity’s point isn’t that it be done out of obligation, guilt, or shame. Neither is it to be done out of performative, passive, often enough even vaguely virtue-signaling, or clique-like, circular gushing about each other for an hour repetitively. It isn’t to make you feel like A Good Person, or to show the RPC that you are a model RPer, you care so deeply about the RPC that you...can’t be bothered to expend the personalized effort and pay attention to those on your dash.

If you really care about positivity in the RPC, you need to stop doing it in hollow, meaningless ways.

You need to stop demanding, threatening, and shaming others into performative actions with you. It’s not enough to say you care and do something lethargic to show it, you need to actually be bothered to be specific. And if someone doesn’t feel positive, isn’t interested in playing the reblog or chain letter or tag game, leave them the hell alone. They’re not being “negative,” and don’t need to be assaulted with pseudo-positivity. And you know what? Maybe they are being “negative” because it makes them feel positive, and if that’s the case, remove yourself if it bothers you!

Firstly, I am so sorry for the delayed response. I've apologized on the blog as well, but I think it's important to apologize individually. I didn't give anyone a head's up about not being here, then left. Not cool!

Secondly, I absolutely feel that way, yes.

I don't want to imply that every positivity blog that ever has or ever will exist is Like That (or anything else I'm going to say herein), I know there have been some legitimately great blogs out there in the past. I appreciated what they were doing because it wasn't a circlejerk of popularity, ice-cold hot takes, and at least vaguely juvenile, malicious behavior. They were run by people who, maybe they were way too personally positive for me, but they lived it and weren't hurting anyone. These blogs promoted the idea of caring about other muns through specific compliments and good behavior, while they didn't use their platform to engage in things like callouts or content policing.

Sadly, I can think of one blog that is at all like this today in the RPC, and they're a meme/resource blog. They just happen to be the sort of responsible, reasonable, genuinely kind mun that the good positivity blogs used to be run by.

The actual "positivity" blogs I see now...well, they're just like the "positivity" PSA's and RPers heavily reblogging them (all of them indiscriminately, multiple times a day or week). At best, there's some kernel of good intention in there somewhere, but it's hard to ignore that the only people in the RPC deserving of positivity are those who hyper-specifically subscribe to whatever popularity, performative behaviors/virtue-signaling, and policing is going on at that moment. Most positivity blogs, and the blogs of those RPers within the circlejerk, are dotted with some truly reprehensible shit.

If your positivity is coming between rage-spurts of callouts, calls to normalize detrimental things, refusals to agree to disagree because "this will NOT be tolerated" and so on...my friend, I have news for you: this isn't positivity.

Neither is just demanding positivity. I mean that literally. The number of posts that float across my dashes that use that very word, "demand," in reference to supposed positivity is kind of alarming!

Neither is demanding it through mob-mentality compliance to one's own standards of what positivity, or RP for that matter, is/should look like.

And neither is stopping at hollow, performative statements. Are you giving people advice on how to be supportive or spread meaningful positivity in their spaces? Or, are you just posting another PSA about how the RPC is a sad place full of hate and we need to love each other?

I genuinely think that most people here are interested in being nice to their friends, at least, (which is very important and a start) but they lack the tools and ideas. They lack ideas on how to work with their anxiety or limits in order to be positive in a way that works for them and their mutuals. I can tell you twenty times in a single day to go build the island/shelving/overpriced storage thing in my kitchen because I really, desperately, need it put together months ago, but if I leave out the instructions, don't even show you a picture of it completed, and you've never put together two Legos in your life, you're unlikely to be able to do it. Let alone do it well, or without the kind of frustrating, negative experiences that lead you to giving up on this and all future endeavors like it.

However, I also genuinely think that we have a large portion of the RPC that is a bit...socially lost? Regressed, even? Even in their thirties, they're resorting to behaviors that were unacceptable in high school because it's rewarding to be popular, witty, and correct. It can be even more rewarding if one is also cruel; your friends think you're being hilarious, it got you attention, and you were given permission to be an ass because the issue is one your opinion falls on the "correct" side of. It's a recipe for muns acting like belated meangirls. And because they profess positivity, inclusion, and concern for the RPC in the right ways here and there, or they're already entrenched in the circlejerk community, it all slides.

If you send someone an anon like this, their response is very unlikely to be like mine. You'd be attacked for this opinion, told that these blogs are out here every day trying to make the RPC a more positive place, and all you can do is bitch. People like you are the problem, not me and my echo chamber! You're probably a racist, pedo, or incest supporter! Ew, proshipper alert!

So, no, not only do I agree with you (especially after having more proof than I ever desired of the narcissistic shit show behind too many positivity, RPH, and meme blogs), I don't think this makes you a bad RPer! Even if I did not agree with you wholeheartedly, having a different experience, coming from a different place, or having a different opinion doesn't make anyone an inherently bad RPer or person. <-Positivity, genuine. You're absolutely entitled to your opinions, no matter how unpopular they might be in the RPC, Anon!