#penees

My mom has cancer. She’s wicked sick and it’s messed up to watch. I cried twice since I found out. When I get baked now I have some horrible urge to want to meditate on it. It makes my heart beat faster or at least harder. I feel it more than i usually do. I don’t know what to say though. I don’t want to tell her it’s going to be ok, because it may not be. I want to try everything possible, but I don’t want to chastized for advising medicinal bud. I hope everything will be ok. I have horrible anxiety about the whole thing. There’s nothing I can do but make her days as good as possible. But what I do instead is smoke along and watch educational videos on youtube. I don’t think about it. I don’t leave my room. If I could, I’d sleep in cycles all day. Slumber numbs the pain. There’s a movie I watched once, “Les Amours Imaginaires”, and the female main character went on a rant talking about how cigarettes effect her life for the bettter. She claims that cigarettes will keep her going because “La Fume cache a marde” (The smoke hids the shit). At this point, I sympathise with her. For me it’s naps and pot slumbers. 

When porn stars do that interview thing after their scene. They become human again. They become just naked people. People like me. It’s strange.