#peixesofme

"What I shouldn't have done was make it your fault, because it's not.

"It's mine.

"It's always been mine.

"Everything that happened with the Horrorterrors and your gills getting messed up was my fault because I didn't make it to you on time and then I more or less cut you out of my life because I couldn't bear to be around you knowing that what happened was my fault, and you can say it's not my fault all you want but it's not going to change my mind.

"I really do want to be your friend again and I really, really, really do want you to talk to me, but I don't want to force you to do something you obviously don't want to do, which is why I haven't made an effort to talk to you since we had that stupid fight. And it was stupid, it was so stupid and you were right and I shouldn't have said anything, I should have just taken it and moved on, and maybe if I had we wouldn't be in this situation. But I didn't, and I just HAD to fight back, and now I'm sitting here alone in a big stupid empty house with no one to talk to, dead tired, and trying to tell you all of these stupid feelings I have but it's coming off so retarded and you probably will not even read this.

"Honestly, I don't feel any better saying any of this. But I do really believe I had to say it.

"So, um.

"There you have it. Take it for what it is or don't take it at all. I'm a smart girl and I can figure out the decision you make by your reply. Or lack of one.

"If this is a goodbye, then goodbye, Eridan. I'll miss you.

"If it's not, the transportalizer is plugged in and turned on if you ever want to come visit."

----- It takes you a couple of minutes to really read the message thoroughly. Afterwards, you stop. You hold your face in your hands for a moment, rubbing around your eyes in an attempt to will yourself into keeping calm.

You're not even entirely sure of the emotions you're feeling. They're too tangled up in each other; writhing and pulsing in a way that makes you ache.

You still don't even know what you're going to say to her, or how to say it. When you finally do reply, you do so with your eyes closed; as if doing so will trick yourself into writing it more easily.