#pehs

The Flat Dundee Society

Aabdy kens Dundee is arranged around the inside of a pure crystal sphere, otherwise aa the snaa and mony o the posh fowk wad get oot.

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But, according to the Flat Dundee Society, the Hilltoon is a special effect done wi photies like thae mountains in the Netherlands - which are actually just tenements in the Nethergate.

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The Sid- or Sidelaws are clearly very thin mountains, we just view them from the front. As their name implies, if you go round the side, their essential flatness is immediately revealed.

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The Flat Dundee Society also believes that pehs are just bridies faked up to look tall and round like policemen. Flat pastries are the true pastries of Dundee (and Forfarshire).

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The Flat Dundee Society’s most dearly-held conviction is that Dundee is actually a newspaper laid over some bumpy stuff left over from the Creation, and that we just need to go round and whack the bumps like ganglion cysts, preferably with the Bible.

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They believe in their flat hearts that we are tales told by furious typists, and our merely human aspects are as faddy as watching a movie through 3-D specs. (Also that herring are made out of red cellophane.)

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