one time in class i was fighting for my life because i could not for the life of me get one of my lessons on track and i had a lot of kids who were frustratingly giggly which did not help me in my contracted job of teaching the children how to read and write or whatever and on top of that there was this kid who was having a particularly wacky behavior day that had boosted his natural gift for comedy to a level that was unfortunate for me and he had delayed class a whole lot by asking âwell is it a girl ______ or a boy ______â during our warm up any time i asked a question even when he was not being called on; i tried to rebuff it the first couple of times by saying things like âit does not matter if itâs a girl duck or a boy duck because its gender does not change whether or not there should be a comma next to it in the sentenceâ but he just kept on doing it so i was getting increasingly frustrated which resulted in me being snappy with the children but i remembered that itâs literally not that deep and i should never be sharp with kids for stupid shit so i was forcing myself to stay calm by the time i finally passed papers out and all the kids started bombarding me with questions that i had already answered verbally and wouldâve been easily answered by reading the written directions in front of them and so i was reeeeeeally trying not to lose my job in a way iâd regret (choking out a kid or two) when this one kid asks about one of the things iâd already said the answer to five times. when i said âflip it over to the backâ it was a very thin and nice veil over my rapidly shrinking fuse but then this little guy flips the paper over and sees what he was asking about and he makes a little âohhâ sound with a little nod. and the action is so pure in its innocence that it actually deflates most of my irritation and reminds me that children can be endearing, sometimes, and since we were about to get started i told him ânow flip it back to the frontâ and he did it so quickly and immediately that it was a little silly to me, and my phrasing and cadence also reminded me of those old spice commercials where the muscle man says shit like âlook at your man. now look at me. now look at this clam thatâs in my hand for some reasonâ ya know what i mean? so then i end up saying ânow imagine a bearâ just to complete the rule of threes and make it a little silly and i think i mightâve started to continue the bit by saying some shit like ânow imagine the bear is eating berriesâ except then across the room comedy behavior day kid pipes up with a âwell is it a girl bear or a boy bear?â and since this kidâs a better comedian than me to the rest of the class everyone starts losing it which then leads to me regretting that i opened the door to further delay by trying to be funny and the thing is do i remember what the lesson was that day? not really at all. will the kids remember what i taught that day? probably not, as they had trouble remembering what i had taught them two days prior. but you know what i know will stick with me, at least, for forever? itâs the kid and the bear. did he imagine the bear? did he get to see a picture of a fat bear eating berries in its little cave in his mindsâ eye ? were the berries round, juicy? and did he force a humanâs gender binary upon this bear experiencing true decadence, or did the bear simply exist for a moment in his mindâmuzzle and paws smeared in berry juice, fur soft and marble-black eyes glimmering, genderless and free? i donât know. i donât think iâll ever know
