#pcewritten

was   she   the   perfect   woman ?          no , not on any planet or in any society . in   fact ,   the amount of times she’s been insulted on not being ‘ lady - like ’ or the sorts has been     too   many   times     for her to count . nonon jakuzure was sure that people could count her   ‘ negative ’   traits more than they could count her positive ones : it was all perspective . even if a peek into the pages he scrawled on her could be a   bit   of a blow to her ego : how to deal with her , like she was a   pet ,   what to do when she was mad , like she was   unhinged .   there’d be nights where she cursed that damn thing : much like now .

pink   bangs   were   blown   out   of   her   face ,   arms   crossed   across   her   chest .          she sat with her knees at either side of his hips with a piercing glare shot towards him .   yeah ,   she was still pissed off . even after several hours away from the apartment , nose buried in sheet music .          “     you said you didn’t know why you     loved   me .     ”          grumbled ,          “     it was sarcasm , i didn’t think you’d   have   to fucking check the notebook . y’know , i kinda   hoped   my partner wouldn’t have to look up his feelings for me , but , wishful thinking .     ”          hands now toyed with it , flipping through the pages with a   narrowing   stare . getting even further frustrated she tossed it to the side .          “     tell me what you learned . go ahead .     ”

the   more   he   rambled ,   the   less   angry   she   got .          going off script , she   figured ,   hands cupped his face : she’d let him drawl on for a few minutes before she finally shut him up . a sigh through her nose before a   quick   kiss on his lips . forehead rested against his with her eyes shut : as much as she   didn’t   like to admit it , the idea that her cons outweighed the pros could eat at her some days . nonon wanted her name   praised   to high heavens , absolutely , but it was   grounding   to hear him speak of her like that : a human . in their silence , he muttered     “i   just   want   you   to   know   that   i’m   truly   thankful   to   have   met   you.”     a deep breath and she opened bubblegum eyes again .

“     same   here ,   big   guy .     ”          conductor sheepishly looked over at the notebook strewn on the ground . lips   slanted   a bit in a frown ,          “     guess i was bein’ a bit of a bitch , huh . . .     ”          stated rather than asked under her breath . thin arms wrapped themselves around his neck and head rested against his once more .          “     sorry . just . . . got   really   pissed for a second . should’ve known better . love you ,   dork .   lots .     ”          even if i suck at showin’ it .

“     annoying .          i know , i know .     ”

grumbled   the   short   woman ,   hands   gripping   the   counter .          “     i can climb it , i just have trouble getting     back   down .     ”          nonon snatched cup out of his hand , glare still present at the   idea   of a step ladder being brought into the equation . her pride ? broken . her ego ? bruised . her temper ?   short .          “     thanks . go back to the living room , i’ve got it from here .     ”          . . .          “     heeey , kida ?     ”          that was a   joke :   she just wanted to see him frustrated as soon as he walked into the kitchen , evident with her     stupid   grin     as soon as he rounded the corner . 

oh ,   for   god’s   sake .          nonon jakuzure wasn’t oft the one people sought for emotional support : harsh instead of loving ,     most   of   the   time .     this was a night , however , she wasn’t seeking an apology . she   still   sat on his lap, knees on other side of his hips and hands wrapping around his neck . she’d feel his forehead rest on the junction where neck angled into her shoulder , head tilted so she rested her own against his . as soon as she got   comfortable ,   conductor realized how   tired   she was . fingers rested in the shorter parts of his hair , nails scratching against his scalp as if she were calming down a dog . 

“i     let     you     down .”

“     kunikida .     ”          she started , shoulder nudging his cheek so she could cup his face with her smaller hands : pink hues met his and all trace of exhaustion . jakuzure would learn the   inner - mechanisms   of his mind like he knew her’s . she   knew   how to push his buttons and make him happy , read his emotions like a book : for better or , in this case , for worse . when it came to   worse ,   she straightened her act like a trained professional .          “     listen to me , look at me .     ”          thumbs   smoothed   over his cheekbones , sighing through her nose .          “     you’ve   never   let me down , ever . i know i get pissed off easy and i can be ... a   handful ,   but you’ve   never   let me down . i know time’s important to you , but you’re workin’ yourself to death .     ”

they   both   could   do   that .          miss important events were   rare   as they came , but they came . and time was one thing nonon   knew   was something kida was conscious of : he had   every   step of his day planned , not one more or less taken than what’s written . they both     worked   themselves   bone   thin   to where bickering turned to   arguments   and silence from their irked and exhausted states . one word stepped over that line and now they were here : tired and upset on the couch in each others arms .          “     i dunno about you , but i’d rather my boyfriend be   living ,   thanks .     ”          now it was her turn to rest her head against   his   shoulder , pressing a kiss to the warm flesh exposed from loose collar . she shut her eyes and muttered ,          “     i’m   makin’   you take the day off tomorrow . we gotta get you to rest .     ”

The voice echoed inside of his head, his body started shaking- shaking over something so silly oh how he felt stupid. Removing his glasses he tried to do as the voice said, breathe. But breathing was easier said than done right now. Eyes flick up and he squinted, “Kunikida?” Ango questioned, his chest felt heavy. His head was spinning, the first thought ( of course ) went to where Dazai was and if Dazai was okay but he couldn’t talk.

Ango grabbed at Kunikida’s wrist and squeezed, he was trying to breathe- slowly. He felt himself slowly overcoming his panic attack, everything happened so fast that he was still not sure what exactly happened. Ango was never good in crowded places and really? He felt so stupid. Another squeeze “Ku-..kun.” His teeth dug into is lower lip, “I’m sorry..I crowds I can’t deal with them very well.” His head went to Kunikida’s shoulder, “thank you for um..staying.”

clearly,   something   was   wrong .          it wasn’t often her depression got the best of her : it usually came with a bout on insomnia and her hands shaking but not finding the relief in practicing . in fact, she hadn’t left the apartment to go to practice in two days : something that could seem normal, but it wasn’t for jakuzure . she couldn’t even describe this other than her brain getting the best of her . her notes were flat and lifeless on the last day she had played at the ivories, exhaustion present on her face but she wasn’t willing to talk about it then .

of   course,   this   was   the   only   time   she   was .          the clock was slowly approaching four or five, she couldn’t remember when the last time she looked at the clock was . he was asleep and she didn’t want to disturb him with her inability to sleep or desire to get it off of her chest : bottle it up for now, she thought, even as she did her best to quietly slink out of bed to get some water and sit on the couch, mindlessly sipping and letting her brain wander with her brows knitted together and lips pursed unknowingly to her .

his   presence   next   to   her   surprised   her .          “     jesus, don’t do that .     ”          she muttered with a hand on her chest : she’d zone out so any way he tried to grab her attention fell on deaf ears until she felt his warm hand snake on her back .          “     sorry .     ”          mumbled with lips pressed against the glass in her hand, shaking a bit from her state and shock . instinctively, she leaned into him, shutting her eyes without a word .          “     i couldn’t sleep . didn’t mean to wake you up .     ”          legs curled to her chest . a sigh began her slight mutter, never being good with expressing thoughts and feelings artfully and clearly : it came out as mostly expletives and dramatization. 

“     shit     sucks !     ”          it came out in a burst, brows furrowing where her eyes started to finally overflow with tears . as rare as it was for jakuzure to enter a rut, it was more uncommon for her to cry . she saw it as a sign of weakness, and here she was, tucked under his chin with arms around her torso and fingers gripping now empty cup . rambling now mumbles, aimlessly venting on how she felt creatively stuck and frustrated, how she knew her standards for herself kept elevating to point she could never reach : she was great, sure, but she wanted to be a great . nonon jakuzure knew her name would never be alongside her idols, and that’s something she hated facing in reality .          “     i know i’ll be fine, i know . i just hate how i’m not fine right now !     ”          and her sudden built anger now faded, sitting in silence for a second . she hated lingering . arms wrapped around his neck, eyes shutting,          “     it’s frustrating, it sucks, i’ll get over it . i’m tired . can you carry me to bed .     ”