#pathfinder junk

Lajka, character for a likely sequel campaign (80-100 years after) to the pathfinder campaign I’m in right now. She’s fairly young for an elf at 100 years, but spent a solid 50 years of that serving a life-ish sentence on Brutalis which is kinda like fantasy alcatraz/Australia in our DM’s game world. She has a huge gun halberd, a bit unwieldy even for her standing at 6'5". Shes one of a handful of lost elves that split ways from the other courts ages ago; the last living race to still speak the dead tongue of the drowned dwarves. Their dialect is super slangy though, like maybe what afrikaans is to dutch type thing

‘Neath Blinding Sun, a mirror, the sea- How ever could a thousand eyes bear witness what shattered heavens came to be?”

im leveling Szary up to level 12 and Mythic tier 6 for when she comes back and i forgot how fucking mean she was, and it only gets worse when i get the deadarm, as i rediscovered that i can, per the way our dm interprets rules, use channel smite to inflict my channel dice (3d6) as damage as part of maintaining a grapple (if i take weapon focus: grapple), and also have the strangler brawler archetype to grant me an additional 1d6 of sneak attack damage, and with kraken style and kraken wrack, this also adds her wisdom mod of 7+4 to any grappling damage. her unarmed damage is 1d10 so thats like 1d6+11 each time i maintain a grapple, 1d10+1d6+11 each time i do damage as part of a grapple, and 1d10+4d6+11 if i choose to channel smite furthermore, i should be able to grapple one handed with the deadarm, which means i can basically grapple one foe and do small damage as i maintain the grapple and then swing at other adjacent foes with her sword? and if i get the throatslicer feat i can just pin and instakill them. i also have a halo that sickens evil beings near me, and am taking the dimensional grappler + mythic improved grapple mythic feats so that if whatever im grappling tries to teleport i can anchor them OR move WITH them as part of the teleport. furthermore as per the godhunter mythic path im taking hostile empathy, which allows me to transfer her own wounds to enemies with a melee touch attack...5 per tier (so 30 each time), AND heal the amount transferred. so basically just use the freaky metal arm to deflect attacks, close the gap, grapple foes to squeeze the life out of them while forcing my own wounds onto them, and behead everything else snickerty snackt

Aurel decided to volunteer as well as he didnt trust Szary to make it on her own, and, he kinda wanted to know what kinda price he would fetch. Ultimately Szary was auctioned for 30 platinum and Aurel only 23, for a total of 530 gold (212 after auctions cut), which sorta wounded Aurels pride. Szary waved at Ann from the auction stage the whole time, and Ann just shook her head and waved back sheepishly. Worrywart. Anyways, the two of us and the other slaves were led to a room (Szary waving at Ann the whole way) and locked in with the other slaves. Aurel and Szary at this point began to chuckle to themselves, Szary laughing at Aurel for being worth less than she was- and they began to calculate their earnings from being sold...after they escape. Across the room, one of the other slaves loudly interjected- “If we are to discuss worth, than clearly I am the greatest of all of us locked here! I alone was worth 300 platinum pieces- worth the rest of you combined!” The other slaves were, at this point, staring at us (I can’t remember their names) A fat frog dude, a tiefling chick, some small lady that was half bluejay and half black cat (a griff), a huge bat guy that had his feet and hands cuffed together(a lunar strix), a small dog man with no tongue(a hound), and a kitsune dude (the one who interjected about being worth 300 platinum) who was constantly struggling to supress laughter, with it manifesting almost as a cruel sneer.  The bat guy kept straining at his chains, and the bluebird was comforting the tiefling woman who was crying. At this point, Aurel, naturally, stretched his arms out and loudly announced “My name is Aurel Sevrum and I am going to save us all!” The bat fellow stopped straining at his chains to laugh at him- “How?”  Szary moving to help him with his chains, Aurel quickly following suit. We couldn’t seem to help him pry the manacles off, but Szary realized suddenly (I.E. I remembered) that she could cast spells; And actually had one prepared that allowed one to escape from being bound- So she cast the spell to break his shackles- Resulting in him proclaiming loudly- “Excellent, frail woman!” and clapping her heartily on the back, near knocking her over. She simply smiled and resumed knocking on walls and poking around in the prison chamber, while Aurel resumed (loudly) talking about how he was going to save all of us, but mostly going on about himself, with Szary occasionally interjecting from her seemingly futile searching and prodding of the room to cut him down- (At one point, the Tiefling chick suddenly seemed to..change, and shimmied up next to Aurel and began caressing his chest, her eyes flickering some strange silver- Aurel saying “Ah yes, this happens all the time”, to which Szary interjected “No it doesn’t- Quit lying- leave the girl alone” I correctly at this point assumed that her demonic sire was a succubus of some kind, and she snapped out of it, apologized, and returned to her corner) The whole time Aurel was talking and Szary was prodding the room, the kitsune dude was having a harder and harder time containing his laughter- Occasionally interjecting to suggest Aurel was making up stuff (Such as killing one of the heads of the imperial houses, though the batman was impressed with this..and heartily clapped him on the back) Szary eventually came up to the door, and pushed her hand against it- Leaving a strange, tar-like black handprint- which seeped into the door, pushing through the cracks- and forming a strange spectral hand that floated off to beckon Ann to us. Aurel had left his Dragon (in small form) with Ann, along with all of our stuff. Aurel briefly stopped talking to watch Szary do this- And the Bat..man..used the silence to ask once more- “What exactly is the plan?”, to which Szary asked “Well do you think we can kill both of the guards in one go? Because i’m gonna disintegrate this door” Again, the batguy laughed heartily and said “We shall try!”, but, suddenly Szary recalled that.. “Oh hey, Aurel has a dragon, we can call him in to roast these dudes and attack from both sides”, which prompted the kitsune to finally lose his composure and break out laughing, claiming that he had “finally heard it all” and that certainly we’re completely full of it! Szary took this chance to say, “well, i’m from the moon so hey”, which, of course, nearly caused the kitsune to die laughing. The kitsune was silenced shortly though, because at this exact moment, our gnome, Hazel, suddenly popped into the room out of thin air- Holding my bag of holding, full of all of our stuff. (She was able to pinpoint our location because of the ghost hand that I sent to Ann, and thereby use dimensional door to get there) She reached in and handed Aurel his wand, and Szary her sword. Szary was prepping to magick the door away and then rush out, when Aurel stopped her. “We can just teleport out with my wand...” “Oh..yeah..” ..”But I can only take 3 of you with me.” Hazel interjects with- “Well, I can take 2 with me..“ Szary, at this point, Volunteered to stay behind so the other 7 could leave, and she would rush out and we could pincer attack the guards with the whole team on the other side- but then she realized she could just pick up the cat/bird lady and cram her in her bag of holding and we could all teleport out at once. So she did (the poor bird girl almost literally fainted after being picked up and told by szary to “PLEASE NOT TOUCH ANYTHING IN THE BAG”) and we teleported out- Aurel and the people he teleported appearing in our inn room, temporarily without any legs (chaotic magic table i guess) but they came back shortly, and the rest of us teleported outside of the sewers where the black market stuff was going on, to meet up with Ann and collect the money we earned from selling ourselves onto the black market, and introduce our new found friends/crew that we certainly left an impression on. Guess we a crew for our ship and met the followers that Aurel’s Leadership feat grants us.

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They did not have it under control and Aurel almost got fucking killed(this is the thing he is second best at doing), and Szary dropped into bloodrage for the first time since i re-rolled, and bit a zombie in the throat- Killing it instantly and actually shocking the zombie’s puppet master so badly, that he uttered “What the hell are you?” thru one of his puppets before losing his control over them and ending the encounter. Later we found an ancient recording the wizard that made the place left- In which he addressed all three of us directly, by name, and looked at us straight in the eyes, which shocked the other two but Szary was picking zombie flesh from her teeth and didn’t really catch what it was all about. There was a zoo type room and a hatchery for mythical creatures, so naturally we murdered the skeleton caretakers and took some eggs for ourselves. Szary elected to conduct an experiment (secretly) by putting one carrion crawler egg in one of the jars of changeling love juice (From ages ago), but taking another to leave out. Either we get a pickled love egg or a horrific abomination of some sort, so it’s a win-win i figure. There was a small Black Dragon in the final room- magically shrunk as part of it’s imprisonment. We killed his undead army and he wasn’t happy- Aurel tried to reason with it but szary spotted skeletons sneaking up to try and kill us- We realized we kinda forgot to like..rest..so we had less than 20 hit points between all of us, and I still tried to face tank the two skeletons and the (presumably lying about it’s immense power) black dragon, but eventually decided that being one hit from death isn’t great. We fled, and managed to form a somewhat uneasy alliance with the aforementioned otyugh by feeding it dead pigs and calling it handsome and smart. (They know common and know people find them repulsive, apparently) The dragon didnt seem to wanna rush murdering us apparently, So it played guard dog while we took shifts sleeping and feeding it pigs, before the door was blasted off it’s hinges and Yug-yug (Aurel’s name for the poor fellow) got pretty badly wounded, and the dragon and his skeleton dudes came in. We fucked up the skeletons pretty quick, but while doing that, the dragon got behind us and lined us up for another acid breath attack- Which Yug-Yug hard soaked and got fucking dissolved into nothing- There might have been a single tear as we thought of what could have been- The brief mourning period ended as Aurel charged the dragon and got his second crit of the day- And then Hazel rolled 24 fucking damage with her moderate wounds spell, killing it instantly. We found some magical trinkets and a portal out of this damn place- Minds set on saving Helianthus from her execution- But were intercepted by the Duke’s guards. Again. Oops.

go to some farming island to investigate rumoured shapeshifting beetlemen, and meet a traveling elven magician (stage magic sort) named paradox, come into town, talk to mayor, I am immediately suspicious she is a beetle lady, everyone else is mostly unconvinced of my paranoia, because i’m the crazy lady from the moon that eats broken swords for lunch. Dragonrider keeps trying to hit on mayor, stops by her place every night, the house is literally dead quiet every night, no answer ever. He always hits on every female character btw. Linger in town for a few nights, asking about beetle people, occasionally bump into paradox about town, usually some odd stuff around him, people seeming oddly subued in his presence. He tells us he’s gonna have a magic show, we should check it out, dragonrider calls his dragon into town to confer with him on stuff, tell him to keep an eye out for “beetleborgs” (as I call them) in the mountains and woods.Fucking dragon landing in town causes a panic, in the panic, paradox gets fucking stabbed by two strangers. We heal him and repair his stage, after recuperating and telling us his vague memories of getting stabbed, he goes to put on his show. Fucking magical fireworks everywhere, summons a fake dragon, “slays” the fake dragon. My character is fucking impressed, is naive and uneducated about magic, loves it. Wants to look at his magical hat.    Crowd disperses, strangely placid and subdued, I point this out to everyone but then stick my head inside the picket dimension that is his hat. Our dragonrider is incredibly suspicious of paradox, produces a small orb that dispels beetleborg magic.I am neck deep inside a magical hat that contains a pocket dimension, no cares. Dragonrider closes paradox’s hand around the orb, crushing it, releases smoke, i look up from hat in time to see a large moth fly out of the smoke. Moth lands behind the stage, It’s paradox, who is actually a changeling. Dragonrider wants to kill him/extort him for money on principle. I say let’s hear him out he seems nice! Paradox explains that there are actually several different kinds of changelings, and most people assume they’re all shapeshifting beetle people, but he, for example, is a large mothman capable of casting illusions to appear human (or elven) but not actually able to change form. His kind feed on fear. The kind we’re looking for are green beetle people that feed on love, and they have a habit of invading loving, happy families, and reducing it’s members into braindead husks. Problematic.  We say he should help us being that he knows beetleborg shit, so he comes with. On our way to the mayor’s manor, the town drunk (who we’ve come to know) tells us he saw the innkeep and the barkeep meet, wordlessly, with the mayor in the dead of night, and then go into her cellar, somewhat confirming my suspicions of something amiss with her. Paradox suggests we either A. Confront the mayor directly or B. Stake out her manor and wait for them to meet. I suggest option F, where we use Aurel (dragonrider) as bait, get him kidnapped, and then use his dragon’s psychic link to lead us to their lair. He loves the idea because either A. Mayor isn’t a beetle and he gets alone time with her or B. She is and he gets to fuck up beetle people. Before leaving, he sweeps our NPC elven cleric off her feet and tries to kiss her, “Just in case he doesn’t come back”, and she tells him to fuck off for the millionth time. He literally walks into the manor and tells the mayor “We’re going to investigate a lead on the changelings, it’s dangerous, I love you” (the beetles feed off love, mind you, so it’s an attempt to bait it for a quick fix) Apparently this is enough for the mayor to be like “Yeah okay”, and Aurel and the mayor lady fuck- And sure enough she turns into a fucking beetleborg and drains the life out of him with a kiss. Back to everyone else- We meet up with his dragon on the edge of town just after sundown, and ask him to “ping” his brain and tell us where Aurel is, and if he’s okay- Apparently he never left the mansion. So we go back and knock- The beetle-mayor comes to the door, and we ask where Aurel was. He was supposed to meet us for important changeling related stuff. She says he actually just left a half hour ago, after they “Discussed some important stuff”. Anne, our NPC cleric, immediately is disgusted and knows EXACTLY what happened. I volunteer to “go check the tavern”, most likely he’s there now- But actually break open the cellar door and go into the mansion’s basement, and find Aurel encased in a weird cocoon of magical green “love” goo- I.E. Pure distilled emotional waste. Naturally, being that it’s magic, I taste it- IT overwhelms one’s mind with the sensation of love, apparently? So i fill a couple of bottles of this beetleborg “love honey” for my morning toast, secretly, then free him. I come back to the front door, and say “Oh yeah, I found him down at the Tavern”- Which causes some serious distress to beetle-mayor, and Aurel sneaks thru the inner-cellar door, thru the house, and decapitates her from behind. Luckily we found a map leading to their temporary lair, kill some giant stag beetles and cave scorpions, free the trapped townsfolk that the beetleborgs had been impersonating, etc. Aurel does his typical “post mission” shit, wherein he climbs atop the highest place in town, with his dragon, and shouts out his name, stating that he saved their people! remember his name! etc. We leave for the capitol, with our new pal paradox. The end.