He thought of Laura, waiting at home in their small house. With her expensive guitar that cost too much for how long she was going to use it. He thought of Marvin with the pieces of his poem book probably still stuck in his jowls, of the forever crooked mailbox, black and white shower curtains and walls and furniture.

"No." He said simply, staring out the windshield. He could practically feel her head tilt as she looked at him.

"You're the first to answer honestly." She said, scribbling something down in her notebook. Paterson risked a glance over his shoulder at a stoplight, trying to catch a glimpse of what she was scribbling. It seemed to be written in a different language. He tilted his head to match hers.

"What are you asking for?" Paterson asked, returning his attention to the road as the light turned green. His next stop was coming up, probably the one she was going to get off at. It was the one closest to the campus, she looked like a college student.

"I'm curious about people. They all seem happy, but true happiness is, rare." She said, looking up to watch him. Paterson smirked.

"Have you found it?” He asked her. She chuckled.

"Not yet, but It's out there for everybody, you just have to find it." She said, closing her notebook as Paterson pulled into the stop. She stood from the seat, slinging her bag over her shoulder and waving goodbye to Paterson.

"I hope you find your happy." She said to Paterson as she exited the bus.

**

That night, as he lay next to Laura, he thought of her. Something he'd never done before, think of another woman this way. Not since he'd met Laura. He turned his head to look at her as she slept. He felt guilty, he loved her, didn't he?

**

That had been the start of it all. One simple question. He started becoming distant from Laura, she noticed. He knew she noticed, but he couldn't help it. Had he truly been happy those first years? Could someone’s happy change? He felt he loved Laura, but did he truly? Was it just a habit, thinking he loved her, or was it really there?

He looked over to where Laura sat on the floor painting their bedroom curtains black with white squares. He pursed his lips, squeezing his eyes shut before standing from the couch and walking towards the door. Laura turned to look at him.

"Where are you going?" She asked softly. Paterson paused as he slipped his jacket on. He didn't honestly know, somewhere away from this place.

"On a walk." He said quietly. Laura's face lit up.

"Why don't you take Marvin? He's been missing his walks with da-" Paterson cut her off.

"No." He snapped, snapped at Laura for the first time.

"No." He said, more softly. He opened the door, walking out and pulling it shut behind him, just a little harder than necessary. He walked past the crooked mailbox, pausing to look at it. He clenched his jaw, before walking in the opposite direction of the bar.

**

He had wandered, around as the sun set. He was looking for something, he wasn't sure what. Maybe his happy? He didn't know if that's how it worked, but, something. He was looking for something. He approached one of the bus stops that he normally took on his route, seeing a familiar face.

There she was, bathed in light from the streetlamp and the moon, earbuds tucked in her ears, a thin jacket covering her torso as she scribbled in her notebook with furrowed brows. He felt his heart leap, then admonished himself. He hadn't had that feeling since he first met Laura, he shouldn’t have that feeling ever again, but he couldn't help it.

He sat down next to her, glancing at the words in her notebook. They were definitely in another language. He tried to make out some of the words, but none were familiar to him. He looked at him with a glare, before doing a double take and smiling.

"Bus driver, I never thought I'd see you at a bus stop as a passenger." She said, closing her pen in the notebook. It was a leather-bound book, with an intricate pattern tooled into the front. There was a name, (y/n), embossed into the leather on the front. She flipped the clasp closed on the book, using the little bar to lock it. It was more a theatric than anything, it didn't lock, but it was more the principle of it he assumed.

He tore his gaze away from the book to look her in the eye. She had beautiful (e/c) eyes that complimented her (h/c) hair, her skin looked soft as he looked at her.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, tucking the notebook into her bag. Paterson shrugged.

"Walking." He looked up at the sky, hoping to see the stars. There was only one, one star visible in the city with all its lights. And among closer inspection, that star wasn't a star at all, but a plane flying overhead. False happiness, false stars, what else was false?

"Where to?" She asked, leaning against the arm of the bench and looking up at the same plane.

"I'm not sure." He said, letting out a snort as he looked at the ground.

"Hm, that's a predicament." She said, lifting her bag as she stood.

"Well, I'm going back to my dorm." She said, looking down the street as the bus came into sight around the corner. She stepped towards the curb, pausing and looking back at Paterson where he was sitting on the bench. The bus stopped in front of her, the door opening and the night driver waiting for her. She waved to the driver, and he nodded, shutting the door. She approached Paterson, resting a hand on his shoulder.

"It's actually a nice night for a walk." She said. Paterson looked up at her with a tired look. She withdrew her hand, taking a step back and waiting for him.

"Want a partner?" She asked. Paterson looked up at her, pushing himself up from the bench and walking next to her. She walked in the direction of the campus and Paterson switched sides so he was walking between her and the road, the way a gentleman would. She looked at him with a grin.

The walk was silent for the most part, which Paterson appreciated. He wasn't exactly in the mood to talk, but if she wanted to, he would tell her everything. At one point she bumped her shoulder against his, before looping her arm through his. He welcomed it. He knew he shouldn't, he should only want Laura to touch him like that. He spun his ring on his finger in his pocket, wondering if she had seen it, if she knew.

He slipped the ring off in his pocket, using his arm to gently pull her closer. She looked up at him with a grin.

**

That night he was happier than he'd been in a long time. He had walked her to her dorm, but when it came time to say goodbye and walk back home he couldn't do it. He had hesitated, and she had seen.

"You know, you're welcome to come in. You look like you want to be anywhere but where you're supposed to be." She had said. Paterson sighed, looking up at the dorm building as she swiped her ID card to unlock the door. She held it open when she stepped through, looking back at him. He paused, looking down the road that would take him home. To Laura and Marvin, to his black and white house.

Or, he could leave the ring in his pocket, forget it was even there just for the night. Nobody was saying it had to go anywhere. They could just talk.

But the talking lead to kissing, he didn't know much about her nor she him, but they didn't need to. Before he could even process completely what he was doing they were naked in her bed. She was so good, she knew exactly where to touch him, how to roll her hips against his as she rode him, her head thrown back in bliss with her hair down her back as she ran her hands over his chest.

She was the best he'd had in a long time. She had a grace that made Laura seem clumsy. She was so tight, so warm, she felt so good around his cock and he was thankful she'd had a box of condoms in her nightstand because before he could think he was cumming so hard he couldn't breathe for a moment.

She laid down next to him in the bed, running her fingertips over the light scratches her nails had made a moment ago. And despite feeling better than he had in a long time, he also felt guilty. Guilty that he had just slept with another woman, but when he looked at her he felt, giddy. Like a teenager experiencing love for the first time.

"I have a wife." He blurted out, squeezing his eyes shut and clenching his jaw, waiting for her to yell at him, kick him out, call him every name in the book. But she didn’t, just laid her head down on his shoulder and took his left hand in her own hand, spreading out his fingers and examining them.

"I know." She ran her thumb over the tan line on his ring finger where his ring normally sat.

"What's she like?" She had asked, splaying her hand across his chest as she lifted herself up slightly to leave soft kisses across his chest.

"She's, Laura." He had said, looking up at her ceiling. It was one of those cheap, awful textured ceilings. But they were easy to make, so he'd been told.

"That's all I can really say. Everything in our house is black and white, she likes that. She has a new hobby every week, she never sticks with one thing. She spent," He paused to let out a snort, "hundreds of dollars on a guitar that she only used for a week. Do you know how many months that's going to take to work off? She doesn't work, her dog, the stupid dog rips up everything, my shirts, my shoes, my book," He paused to take a breath.

"It's not all bad." He said, she hummed and kissed his shoulder softly.

"But no. I'm not happy." He said. She looked up at him.

"You said something about a book?" She asked. He remembered her notebook.

"I write, well, wrote poems. All of them in a book, I had so many, but we went out one night. I left the book in the living room, we came home and the dog, Marvin, stupid dog, had ripped up my book. Years of poems, notes, everything, gone. Just like that." He said, taking a deep breath.

"I'm sorry Paterson." She said, looking up at him with gentle eyes. She was calming, she was gentle and soft, everything Laura tried to be but couldn't be for him.

"Could you, do you think you could tell me a poem?" She asked with a smile. He smiled back.

"Sure thing." He looked back up at the ceiling, trying to think.

"Happy is, an emotion. It's a mix of chemicals in your brain.

Different people have different happy's. They can change over time.

My happy changed. My happy isn't what is used to be." He looked down at her, her intent (e/c) eyes looking into his own, watching as he laid his soul bare to a woman he barely even knew.

"My happy used to be paint and a bulldog and eccentric taste,

Now it's soft eyes and careful touches, and a leather journal with her name on the front." He finished, looking down at her. She smiled, sitting up to press her lips against his own in a soft kiss.

Nearly every night, Paterson would meet him at their bus stop, walk with her back to her dorm, and two would become one. Eventually the box ran out, but she said not to worry. Not to worry, because she loved him, and he loved her. They were each other's happy.

**

She rode his bus every day, for months. She would sit behind his seat and ride his bus for a few stops. They would talk, and laugh, and smile. He would come home grinning, only for the grin to fade when he saw the splashes of paint on the walls or the new curtains that had been painted again, or Marvin sitting in the chair that had been deemed for the dog.

Laura knew something was going on. She knew he wasn't happy, but she pushed it down. She made him so happy, didn't she? Of course she did, he had married her. Nobody else.

There was a farmers market this weekend, Laura was baking cupcakes and spending the day there. She wanted him to come with her, but did he want to go? When he thought of love, he didn't think of her anymore. When he thought of what made him happy now, it wasn't her. But he hadn't gotten the divorce papers yet. It took time, longer than he wanted it.

In the end, Paterson agreed to come with her to the farmers market. If only to keep up the facade for a little longer. Just until he got the papers for her to sign. Then, he didn't know what he would say to her.

He stood next to the baking booth that Laura was selling cupcakes at, watching the crowds as they walked by. He was deep in thought. So deep, that he almost didn't notice her examining one of the booths nearby, one that was selling spices. He watched her with a lazy smile on his face, wondering if she had noticed him.

"Paterson!" Laura shouted, pushing his shoulder. He jumped, turning to look at her. She held out the keys to the car, shoving them into his palm harshly.

"Please go get my purse?" She asked in exasperation. The smile fell from his face as he nodded, walking away from the booth and towards the area where they'd parked the car. He reached it, unlocking the door and reaching in to grab Laura's purse from the floor of the passenger side.

"I didn't think I'd see you here." He heard her soft voice say. He turned with a dopey smile on his face to see her leaning against the back door of the car. He dropped Laura's purse on the driver seat and grabbed her hand, pulling her into him. He held tightly to her, lowering his head for a deep kiss. She kissed him back, reaching her hand up to tangle it in his hair.

"I have something to tell you." She said when they finally pulled apart, only to hear an angry voice.

"I knew it." Laura said. Paterson turned to look at her, jaw dropped as he gripped (y/n)'s hands tighter. (y/n) looked slightly alarm, not expecting to meet Laura. Laura stormed forward, grabbing her purse off the seat and the keys from Paterson's hand. She turned her attention to (y/n) angrily.

"Did you know?" Laura snapped in her face. She leaned back; mouth open slightly.

"Did you know he was married?" Laura pushed, grabbing Paterson's wrist and holding up his left hand angrily to flash his wedding band.

"Yes, I knew." She said softly, calmly. The same calm level head she always had when she was with Paterson. Laura's face darkened.

"Have you slept with him?" She hissed, dropping Paterson's hand angrily. Paterson had never seen Laura angry like this before. He didn't know how to react, what to do, but (y/n) just squeezed his hand reassuringly and stepped forward.

"Yes, I've slept with him." She said, folding her arms. Laura let out a breath before turning to Paterson.

"How could you? How could you cheat on me?" Laura shoved his chest, pushing him away from the car.

"I thought you loved me! What happened until death do us part?" Laura snapped, tears brimming in her eyes. Paterson took a breath before turning to face her.

"I can't do it anymore Laura. It's the same thing every damn day, I can't take the black and white everywhere, the paint, I can't look at that expensive guitar and know I'll have to work for months to have to pay that off. I can't look at Marvin, and, and you, and I can't keep doing this Laura." Paterson said. He took a deep breath and let it out through his nose.

"I, I'm getting the papers Laura. I don't want to do this anymore." Paterson said.

"Keep the car, keep the fucking house, just let me be happy." Paterson said. Laura clutched her purse to her chest. She slapped Paterson hard, leaving a mark on his cheek and a cut from her ring. She shrugged her purse onto her shoulder, struggling to pull off her wedding ring. She finally got it off, showing it into Paterson's palm the way she had done with the keys.

"I don't want to see you again." Laura snarled. Paterson took a breath before Laura turned to (y/n).

"And you, you ruined my life. You took my husband." Laura snarled. She didn't seem sad, just, angry. (y/n) unfolded her arms, placing her hands on her hips.

"We were supposed to have children together, he was supposed to be a father." Laura snapped in her face. (y/n) took a deep breath.

"He came looking for something else, because you don't make him happy. He's giving you everything, just let him be happy with me." She said, voice hard for the first time Paterson had met her. Laura pursed her lips, looking between the two of them before storming away.

Paterson turned to her. She looked exhausted, too tired for her age. As she leaned back slightly Paterson noticed a slight bump to her stomach. His heart soared as his stomach burned. He felt giddy, and sick, all in the same moment as his mind raced. He gently placed a hand to her stomach, looking her in the eye.

"What did you want to tell me?" He asked softly. She smiled sheepishly.

"You're a father." She said. Paterson's jaw dropped, open as he placed one hand on either side of the small bump on her stomach. She placed her hands atop his, brushing her fingers against his wedding band. Paterson pulled his hands away, ripping the wedding band from his finger, reaching through the open window of the car and dropping it on the driver seat before turning to kiss her hungrily.

He had found his happy, and she had found hers. And they were never going to let each other go.

*****