Trust In Battle Scars
Summary: Joel Miller x Fe!Reader -> Even if you haven't always liked Joel, you've trusted him. And he's trusted you.
Disclaimer: Heavy smut, mentions of battle scars, blood, being buried alive, torture and murder (Joel hurts bad guys), swearing throughout. This is an 18+ so MDNI. Angst and fluff spread throughout. Joel takes care of Reader, maybe unlikely friends-to-lovers. Long fic. Not Proof Read.
Joel kicked the door open once more with his foot as he helped you inside, Tommy already inside throwing things away from the sofa to let you sit down.
“Joel, I’m fine. Honestly.”
“You’re hurt and bleeding. You’re fine, my ass.”
He helped you onto the sofa before he stood back, propped his gun up by the wall and started to take off his jacket. “Ellie, go and get the-”
She appeared by his side, the first aid kit already in hand. “Here.”
“Hot water from the kettle.”
“On it!”
You held onto your side, feeling the blood slowly soaked your clothes. “I’m fine. You don’t need to make a fuss. I’ve survived through worse.”
But Joel was already on his knees, rolling up his sleeves and opening up the kit beside him on the floor.
“If I let you out of my sight, you’d just let this fester until you collapsed.”
You shook your head. “No I wouldn’t. I’d clean it myself.”
Through the front door, Tommy, Maria and a couple of others who had been there to see you get hurt came through the door just as Ellie came back inside with a large bowl of hot water before running upstairs to go and get fresh towels.
Joel reached out for the hem of your top but you recoiled back. “No…I’m okay.”
Looking around, Maria was asking her husband a thousand questions and the others were staring at where the blood was soaking your shirt and hands.
He looked between you and everyone else before yelling; “Everyone out!”
“Towels.” Ellie placed them by his side.
“Ellie, get everyone out.”
She took what Joel asked seriously. Turning on her heel, she started ushering people outside.
“Ellie?”
She looked back from the door.
“Keep ‘em out.”
She gave Joel a mock salute before closing the front door behind her and Joel sat back on his heels, his hands on his hips. His voice sounded less hurried when he spoke again.
“They’re gone. They can’t see from here.”
You were weary but slowly started to remove your jacket, Joel helping pull it from your arms before reaching for the hem of your top.
“Think I’m gonna need your help.” Joel just nodded and helped you anyway. Lifting the t-shirt over your head, he took in your body. Under any other context the thoughts at the back of his head would be at the front. But he was too concerned with the hole in your abdomen to think about much else.
Across your body there were different sized scars. A couple bullet wounds that had healed over the last couple of months, if not years. Gashes – some were deeper than others but they’d healed over. There were a couple of fresh grazes on your stomach from where you’d fallen afterwards, but they’d heal on their own.
“This is gonna hurt.” He couldn’t lie to you.
You nodded in understanding. “I know. But I trust you.”
But I trust you.
That was something you’d been telling him since you met him. Even if you hadn’t gotten along the best, you’d always trusted him. When you first got shot, you hadn’t told anyone. You’d kept it to yourself all day, but Joel had noticed you twitching and hissing each time you hiked your pack higher on your back. So, by the time night fell and the others said you’d gone to bed, he’d gone looking for you.
He found you by the river bed, biting on your lip to keep yourself from crying out in pain. The bullet was still there.
You’d flinched when you heard his boots on the rocks of the riverbank, but he held his hands up. “Relax, it’s just me.”
He didn’t say anything else for a while, just walked closer to you before sitting on a rock beside you and holding up a light.
“Hold this.” He told you before taking a look for himself. You and Joel, at that point, had probably shared two sentences at most since first meeting.
“Yeah, it’s still there. You able to stay still?”
You nodded nervously.
Joel just nodded. “Okay. This is gonna hurt so…take a breath.”
You did so and the next two minutes were the most painful you’d ever experienced outside of being sung the Happy Birthday song.
Joel pulled it out and pressed a bound cloth to your shoulder before reaching down into the small pack he’d brought with him. Holding up a small needle and thread, he went to stitch you up but then faltered.
You just nodded. “I trust you.”
He took that as enough confirmation to continue. By the time he finished, he leaned forward and snapped away the rest of the thread with his teeth before washing the cloth in the river and cleaning away the blood from his hands and your shoulder. From there, he moved the strap of your top back up to help hold the gauze and tape in place.
After that day, watching Joel walk back up the stones and towards the smaller camp, you and him talked a little more. Until eventually you became friends. And out of everyone, you trusted him the most.
And you figured he felt the same about you considering you were the only one he’d let touch him after he got cut. He’d assured Tommy he was okay, he’d yelled at Tess telling her he was fine, and everyone else had been warned away with a look.
But that didn’t work with you. He wished it did, but it didn’t.
You’d opened his apartment door, finding Tess and Tommy stood outside. Tess was growing more and more annoyed and Tommy was looking like he’d been punched in the gut.
You didn’t have to ask them what happened, you just walked inside and for as much as they wanted to follow you inside, they didn’t. The door closed behind you and you found Joel standing inside the bathroom in front of the mirror trying to clean up his wound.
“What the hell happened?”
Joel found you looking at him through the mirror. “Nothin’.”
“Sure as hell doesn’t look like nothin’.” You marched into the bathroom to get a better look as he tried to swat you away. “You need stitches.”
“I can do it myself.”
“Go and sit down. I’ll do ‘em.”
You watched as Joel went to open his mouth to say something, so you took the cloth out of his hands and stood back. “Joel Miller, so help me god, you go and sit your ass on that sofa before I kick you into next week.”
It took him a moment, but he sighed. Anyone else would have backed down when he maintained their eye contact, but not you.
“You know, I’m meant to be the patient here. Aren’t nurses meant to have a nice bedside manner?” He asked you as he walked into the living room and sat down on the sofa.
You laughed as you ran the tap to clear the blood from the cloth before marching across the apartment and into the kitchen towards the kettle to boil some water.
“Luckily for you, I’m not your nurse.”
You kept looking over your shoulder to Joel on the sofa who lay back and closed his eyes, trying his best to breath through the pain. Once the kettle finally finished, you poured the water into a bowl before carrying it over to the coffee table.
“Lie down.”
Opening one of his eyes, Joel looked at you as you sat on the coffee table. You weren’t gonna budge.
“Lie down,” you repeated. And with a heavy sigh, he did as he was told.
From there, you lifted his top as far as you could get it before ringing out the cloth and shaking your hand to stop the burning.
You hesitated. “This might hurt so…take a deep breath.”
He did so as you pressed the cloth to his wound. A deep grunt came from his chest as his hand shot out and gripped onto your wrist. “Take it easy.”
Looking from his face, to his wound, you gave a small smirk. “The man everyone fears in Boston and yet he can’t take a little hot water.”
“Are you always this heavy handed?”
“You’re just sensitive to pain.”
“Why don’t we swap positions and see if it’s just me being sensitive to pain.”
You chuckled. “Alright, alright. I’ll be lighter.”
You dabbed at his wound once more and he finally lay his head back and closed his eyes. “Happy?”
Joel just let out a noise from the back of his throat so you continued the way you were. “What the hell even happened?”
“Some bastard came out of nowhere and took a swing at Tess.” Joel grunted through his explanation as you continued to clean his wound before sterilising the needle. “I shot at him but he seemed to get there before me.”
“You’re gonna have to apologise to her, by the way. She’s probably still pacing outside that door.”
“I know,” Joel admitted. “I’ve heard her since she slammed the door.”
“She’s your girlfriend, Joel.” He looked at you. “Or whatever the hell you want to call it. Look, just apologise. She’ll forgive you.” Then you gave him a small smile. “You got stabbed for her. She can’t stay mad at you.”
Joel let out a small scoff in a laugh. “Yeah, I suppose so.”
“I’d say look away, but you’re gonna feel this anyway. So, countdown from ten?”
Joel nearly shot up. “From ten?”
But then you stuck the needle into him and he grabbed your wrist again, throwing his head back. “What happened to ten?”
“Surprise, I guess.”
“Surprise, she says. As if she’s not sticking a fucking needle into my skin.”
You rolled your eyes. “Quit whining. I didn’t complain this much when you did it.”
Joel grunted again and squeezed your wrist. “Just…take it easy.”
You did so and eventually you finished, wrapping the thread around your finger and pulling until it snapped. You cleaned the wound once more before shocking him and pouring a little alcohol over the top.
He shot up when you did that and found a smile on your face as you screwed the cap back onto the bottle. “Now apologise to Tess.”
You stood and made your way towards the door.
“Y/n.”
You looked back before opening the door. “Thank you,”
You nodded with a small smile. “Anytime, Miller.”
Opening the door, you told Tess he’d live before heading back to work.
There were more moments like that over the years, but the more scars you gathered, the more questions that would get asked by those closest to you. But out of everyone, you trusted Joel. He never asked questions. Frankly, he already knew the stories to each of your scars having been the one to patch them up in the first place.
So when you said you trusted Joel, you meant it.
Kneeling up, he warned you before he pressed the cloth to your side where you groaned and gripped onto his shoulder, squeezing your eyes shut.
“I know, I’m sorry.”
You shook your head. “It’s okay. I’m okay. I trust you.”
Joel just nodded and continued what he was doing. Every now and again he’d feel your nails dig into his shirt as he cleaned your wound before he had to stitch it up.
“Just a little longer.”
You forced a hum to let him know you heard him.
“Wanna lie down?”
You shook your head. “No. I don’t wanna move.”
“Can you lean back for me?”
It took you a moment, but you nodded.
“Okay.” Joel guided you back carefully, his eyes on you as yours remained shut tight. “Take it easy. That’s it. This is gonna hurt.”
You shook your head. “Just do it. I trust you.”
Joel nodded even though you couldn’t see him. So, guiding your hand back to his arm, he held it down firmly. “When it hurts, just squeeze.”
“Joel, it’s a needle. It’s gonna hurt.”
“You trust me?” You listened to his question before nodding. “Then just squeeze. This is a deep one. It’s gonna take me a while.”
“Okay.”
As Joel inserted the needle, your body reacted, pushing up and gripping onto his shoulder. You tried your best to take deep breaths, listening to Joel’s voice as he told you where he was at, how close he was to finishing.
“Just one more, okay?”
“Okay.”
Leaning over, Joel cut the threat with this teeth once more before leaning back, keeping his eyes on you to make sure yours were still closed before he poured out a little alcohol onto a dry cloth.
“Take a deep breath.”
“Why?”
Joel pressed it to your wound and you sat up, your eyes going wide before shutting. Leaning forward into him, your hand gripped his shoulder tightly. He was sure to have bruises on his arm later on but if it meant you got through your pain, he’d live with them happily.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Please tell me it’s done.”
Joel nodded. “All done. But you’re gonna need a shower. Think you’ve dragged half of the forest back with you.” There was a lightness in Joel's tone, you only wished you could feel it in yourself more.
Standing up, Joel threw everything into a pile before holding his hands out. “Come on, let’s go.”
It took ten minutes but eventually Joel got you to the bathroom and started the shower for you.
“Think you’ll be okay?”
You nodded. “Should be. Thank you.”
Joel made his way out of the door, leaving it open a crack. “I’ll be outside the door if you need me, so just…call out.”
You nodded, thanking him once more before getting undressed and stepping into the shower. You watched as the water went from clear to filled with old blood, new blood, mud, dirt, a few leaves from inside your hair and eventually back to clear after you got completely clean.
Once you’d towel dried your hair, you wrapped another around your body, you stepped out of the bathroom after standing in the middle of it for a moment, so many thoughts running around your head, none of them were clear enough to remember.
Then you found Joel. He’d been sitting on the top step outside the bathroom door. He stood quickly and took a breath. He didn’t say anything; he didn’t have to. But when you took a step closer to him, you were mere seconds away from him stepping towards you and wrapping you in his arms.
A hand in your wet hair, he pressed a kiss to the side of your head whilst his other hand held you against his body. “Thank you for helping me.”
“I’ll always help you.”
After a moment, you stepped back and nodded, wiping your eyes before he could see. But he’d already caught them. Extending his hand out to you, he brushed his thumb under your eye.
“Come on, I left you some clothes in the spare room.”
You followed Joel towards the spare bedroom where he left you to get dressed. And once you were, you walked downstairs where you found Joel heating up some soup in the kitchen.
“Ellie’s gonna stay at Tommy’s tonight.” Joel told you. “And you’re gonna stay here.”
“There’s enough room for Ellie to be here, too, Joel.”
He nodded as he placed a bowl of soup in front of you. “I know. But she’s an eavesdropper and I want the truth. This way, it stays between me and you.”
You knew it was a shit lie when you told him as much when you’d all met back up at the bottom of the hill. If it had been just the others, you could have hidden it well enough so they wouldn’t have noticed. But not with Joel.
He was right through you. And he saw right through the lie.
“It’s nothing, Joel.”
“Bullshit.”
“Can we at least eat before you start the interrogation?”
Joel eventually agreed. And so you ate in silence. Until you couldn’t take it anymore and hoped to distract him for a while. So, you asked about Ellie. About her school and her homework. You asked about his jobs working down by the gardens digging up new space for some more allotments.
Before you knew it, the sun had long been set and you and Joel were sitting on the sofa just talking. Until finally a silence settled over you both and Joel’s hand came to your leg.
“You’re gonna have to tell me sooner or later. Unless you really want to know how loud Ellie snores?”
“I really do.”
“Y/n.”
You took in a breath and sighed before sitting up straight. “Okay. But, you have to make a deal with me.”
Joel smiled a little. “I have to make a deal with you?”
You were being serious. “Yes. You can’t fly off the handle and it can’t leave this room between me and you. Promise me you won’t do anything.”
Joel got worried and then silent.
“Promise me,” you pressed.
“I promise.”
With a sigh, you started to explain. “It’s stupid really. It was before I met you and the others. I was travelling with this group towards Cincinnati. I’d met one of the guys one night and we…got close.”
“Got close?”
You rolled your eyes. “We were fucking, Joel. It wasn’t anything serious. Just a way to let off some steam. In fact it had been his idea to keep things casual. Anyway, one night a few of his friends wanted to raid this place. I had a bad feeling about it but…I went anyway. Turns out the place was FEDRA owned. So, I told them what I thought and walked away. I didn’t want to be another casualty for them. Pretty sure the only reason I’d lived so long is because I was someone’s girl.”
“What was his name? The guy you were…”
“Fucking?”
Joel nodded his head. “Trevor, or Travis. Something like that. We didn’t exactly do much talking and this was over ten years ago. Anyway, that night I walked. Packed up what I had to my name, and left. A couple months later, I found an old farmhouse. It was in the middle of nowhere. No infected. For a while, I thought I’d been followed but when no windows busted in the middle of the night, I finally relaxed.”
“Except, when I woke up in the morning, I heard footsteps. I had been followed, just not by infected. His friends, they’d spotted me by pure fucking chance outside another town and followed me. Guess it got too dark to continue following so they pitched out in the woods for the night.”
Joel sat up. “What did they want?”
“Apparently after I left them, Trevor, or Travis – he’d followed after me. Said he’d make me see sense. Only, he got chased by an infected somewhere outside the city. They blamed me for his death. Wanted revenge.”
“Did they…”
You shook your head but stood up and lifted the hem of your t-shirt which just so happened to Joel’s, before pushing down the band of your shorts. Carefully, Joel reached out and kept your shorts out of the way so you didn’t hurt yourself any more than you already had.
His fingers were warm against your skin.
“No, but they did get two slugs into me before I sent them limping away with their own bullets in their legs.”
Joel looked up at you before he dropped his hand, and you sat back down.
“What does this have to do with today?”
“Remember your promise to me?”
Joel nodded.
“Two of his friends are here in town.”
Joel went to stand but you kept your hand on his arm. “Joel. Don’t. It wasn’t them. They’ve got nothing to do with this. At least, nothing I can prove, anyway.”
“What’s that supposed-”
“Someone’s set up trip wires around my grid. I usually go further than we’re meant to on patrol. No-one else covers my grid, so someone has been watching me. At the very least, they’ve been asking questions. Must have tripped a wire and it threw out a knife.”
Joel took a breath. “Does anyone else know? About before Boston?”
You shook your head. “It was a long time ago. And to be honest, when I saw them, they didn’t seem to recognise me.”
“You can’t just go off that.”
“I know, but I have to take my chances.”
“What if they-”
You shook your head. “They won’t. I made sure of that. Once I hit the ground, I found all of their wires. Easier to see, I guess when you’re laid faced to the ground.”
You chuckled a little at that, remembering army crawling through the forest to pull all the wires and watching the blades fall flat to the floor. But that was a bad idea.
“Take it easy. You probably need new bandages.”
Joel stood and walked towards the desk drawer before pulling out some fresh ones.
“I’ll stand.”
Joel sat down on the sofa as you stood between his legs, lifting your t-shirt so he could unravel the old one.
You hissed and he apologised. He was meticulous in unwrapping your bandages, being careful to not aggravate your wounds anymore than they already had been. And for a moment, his hand ghosted over your belly, his thumb tracing back and forth before he gripped onto your hip securely.
“Joel…”
Looking up at you, Joel watched as you leaned into his touch and closed your eyes. He continued watching you as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your stomach, before pressing a few more to each wound, graze and finally the healing one on your side.
You let out a shaking breath, your hand coming to the nape of his neck, your fingers running through the strands of his hair.
Leaning back, his thumb brushed back and forth on your hip where he could feel the goosebumps popping up across your skin.
Leaning down, leaving his hand on the back of your thigh to hold you still, he reached for the fresh bandage.
“Lift your top.”
You did as he instructed and felt his fingers dance across your skin as he slowly wrapped the new bandage around your middle, being sure to keep it crossed over each other until finally he tucked it securely into place.
His fingers wrapping around your hands, he let you lower your top as he stood, his body mere inches from you. You could see his chest getting tighter as he tried to control his breathing. Then you felt one of his hands trail up your body, your arm and finally settle at your neck, his fingers digging into the nape of your neck, whilst his other hand pulled you closer by your waist.
Any control you had over your breathing was long gone out of the window.
“We shouldn’t do this.”
Your voice felt too loud for how close you both stood, even if it did come out as a whisper. But you could still feel Joel’s hands fixed on your body, his palms moulding to each of your curves.
“No, we shouldn’t.”
You could feel your breathing getting heavier. You forced yourself to catch it before you swallowed, starting to lean up on your toes as you held onto Joel for dear life.
“One of us needs to walk away.” Joel told you. But you shook your head.
“Don’t walk away. Don’t walk away.” Then you kissed him.
Pulling him down, you landed back on your feet, Joel’s mouth hot on yours. Then his palms were under your ass, lifting you before your legs wrapped around his hips. With one hand firm under your ass, his other pushed your hair back from your face before he walked across to the cabinet behind you before he sat you down on it and had both of his hands in your hair, both of you becoming deaf to the back of the dresser that hit the wall.
Once again, Joel’s hands were on your hips pulling you closer until your legs wrapped around him once more. Then his mouth moved. It moved from your own, across your jaw and down your neck. Leaning away, your breathing became ragged as he found your pulse under his tongue. You were pretty sure by morning you’d have a large hickey as a blaring reminder of what pleasure Joel could just give with his mouth on your neck.
Once Joel seemed satisfied with his work along your neck and jaw, he returned his mouth to yours where he only got a taste for more of you. From there, his hands ran through your hair until they finally got to the end of your shirt. Pulling it from under your ass, he pushed his hands underneath and carefully lifted it up your body before he broke the kiss and moved back to help you take it off.
His mouth was back on yours in a second and the t-shirt you’d been wearing was thrown somewhere else in the room before you started tearing at the buttons on his shirt. Taking a little too long, Joel moved back and started undoing the bottom ones himself as you worked on the top ones.
Once they were undone, he pulled the shirt off with your help before joining the t-shirt. His hand was back in your hair, pulling your mouth back to his. Nipping, licking and kissing your skin, he trailed his mouth back down your neck and across your collarbone whilst his hands unhooked your bra from the back.
“So fucking beautiful,” his deep voice groaned before he pressed a kiss to the bow of your breast and lifted you from the dresser and carried you back to the sofa.
Joel was careful when he lay you down on the sofa before he climbed above you, his knee slipping in between your legs. With one of your boobs in his palm, his fingers lightly pinched at your nipple as he kissed the corner of your mouth. A gasp left you and Joel smirked before watching you as he lowered himself down your body and wrapped his mouth around it, licking and sucking gently, hearing small moans escape your mouth.
At the curve of your breast, he nipped at the skin a little before dampening the sting with his tongue and sucking just like he did at your neck.
“Joel,” you moaned.
Looking up at you from the bow of your breast, he pressed feather-like kisses. “Like that, baby?”
You swallowed thickly and nodded, feeling his tongue slip over your other nipple whilst his other hand travelled down the length of your body before hiking your thigh up so your leg wrapped around him.
“Y-yes.”
You moaned again when you felt the hardness of him on your thigh.
With his tongue trailing back up your chest before his hand cupped your cheek, finally allowing you to kiss him again, his tongue slipping inside of your mouth, tasting everything he could, his knee shifted.
So grinding down, you took what you could. You could feel Joel smirk against your mouth. That fucker.
“You want me already, Darlin’?”
Your breath became heavy in your chest and for a moment, Joel took in the sight of you. Plump lips from his kiss, growing hickies along your neck…
“You better plan on fucking me, Miller.”
Joel chuckled. “I plan on more than that, Darlin’.”
The way he looked at you in that moment, his eyes trailing your body, he looked like a man starved. And someone had finally put a meal in front of him.
Slowly moving down your body, Joel’s hands eventually found your shorts and unfastened them before pulling them down your legs as you lifted your ass.
Then he sat back, his hands stroking your thighs. “Fuck, baby.”
“Joel, please.”
Even just the thought of what he was about to do was turning you on. If he planned on doing anything like what he already had been doing with his tongue…
You moaned.
Joel chuckled. “Since you asked so nicely.”
You let out a small squeal as he pulled you a little further down the sofa and pushed your thighs a little wider and further up. Then he took his time. His mouth kissing the inside of your thigh, taking extra time for the gash that rounded your thigh.
Usually, anyone else who had gotten this far with you took one look at the scar and..stopped.
But not Joel.
“Fucking beautiful.”
Then he looked at you and for a moment his eyes softened before he pressed a softer kiss to the scar. It was only for a moment, but for you it felt like the whole world, because after that, he only continued.
Kissing, sucking, licking, worshipping, loving your body in a way no other man had ever done. The scars didn’t turn him off or make him stop. The grazes didn’t make him falter in his want for you. In fact, he only added to them. But they were a lot more pleasurable to gain than your others.
Finally, his thumb dipped under your panties, stroking through your slickness. “Fuck, your wet.”
Rushing back towards you, Joel’s mouth was on yours as his thumb parted the lips of your pussy before began circling your clit with a light pressure.
Your moan was swallowed by his kiss.
As you began to grind against his hand, Joel chased his own pleasure, too.
“Fuck, baby.” Joel moaned into your ear.
“Fuck, Joel.” You chased the feeling of his fingers, your body flexing under his. “Fuck.” You gasped, your hand gripping onto his bicep.
“You’re so wet.”
Looking down from your shoulder, Joel removed his hand for a moment hearing you whimper but his own joined yours as he buried his face into your hair after seeing your wetness coat his fingers.
Again, he was moving down your body, slowly pulling each side of your panties down your hips, his tongue tracing where they were.
“Is this okay?”
“Fuck, yes.”
Then he tasted you.
The moan he gave as he did so had you chasing the vibrations of his voice. You needed more of him. Bucking your hips, Joel’s tongue traced around your clit.
“Open wider for me, baby.”
With his help, you opened your thighs wider for him before he sucked at your clit. With a gasp of pleasure, you sat up and your hand fisted at the back of Joel’s hair. His hands were rough under your ass, pulling you closer to him.
Then his tongue entered you. His nose rubbing against your clit, Joel got a taste for all of you and if he wasn’t hooked before, he was now.
You moaned his name over and over as you chased the pressure of him against your clit. “Joel. Joel, please. Ah, fuck. Joel. I’m gonna- Joel!”
Feeling the sensation take over your body, Joel drank up every last bit of you. When he finally came back up for air, he licked the last of you from his fingers before he kissed you. You could taste yourself on his tongue.
“Hope you’re not tired, Darlin’, ‘cause I ain’t done with you yet.”
Pulling him closer to you, you kissed him again before you let him guide you into his lap. With your hands memorising every curve and muscle of him, your fingers started to undo his belt buckle before you finally got his jeans down his legs, as well as his underwear leaving him fully exposed to you.
Joel just admired you as you straddled his lap once more, his fingers digging into your flesh as you rocked forward against him.
With one hand already dancing across your skin, his other made its way back down to your core. Your arms over his shoulders, holding onto the back of the sofa, you leaned forward.
“How many do you want, baby?”
Joel already entered one and you gasped before sighing, rocking against him as his digit curled inside of you.
“One?”
He added another. “Or two?”
“Two.” A moan escaped you as he slowly pumped them inside of you and curled up. “Def…definitely two.”
As you rode Joel’s fingers, you could feel his cock in the side of your thigh, trying to leave it’s own bruise.
“Fuck, baby.”
Leaning down, you whispered into his ear. “Joel, I need more of you. I need you.”
There wasn’t much left for Joel to do other than guide himself into your entrance, his hands resting on your hips as he led you down the length of him inch by inch.
Joel pushed the hair from your face. “Slow and steady, baby. Otherwise we’re gonna have finished before we’ve started.”
You laughed a little, and so did Joel. “Don’t you mean ‘you’?”
“As far as I’m aware, I’m the only one with self control here, Darlin’.”
You cocked a brow. “Oh really?”
Joel nodded and hummed. So, taking his face in your hand you leaned closer to his lips.
“Maybe we’ve gotta do something about that.”
Taking a breath as you kissed him, Joel’s arms that had been resting on the back of the sofa started to tangle with your hair before moving to stimulate you in other places.
“Hold on to the back of the sofa.” Joel told you before one hand slipped between you both and started rounding your clit and the other held the side of your neck before fisting the bottom of your hair.
Then his mouth was everywhere. Licking, nipping, sucking – all whilst you rode his cock.
“Shit, you feel so good.” Joel told you as he started to push up and into you more, the sounds of sex filling the room.
Joel could feel you taking him in, your walls pulling him up as your slickness surrounded you both.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you swore. “Joel. I’m gonna come. Ahh, baby. Please. Fuck.”
Between his cock, his fingers and his mouth, you felt your orgasm building before your walls finally clenched around Joel as he let out his own orgasmic moan. Both of your movements became sloppy as the wave of your orgasm hit and you emptied around Joel as he emptied himself into you.
You and Joel tried your best to catch your breath as you both remained still, his hand leaving your clit to hold you on him, at your hip.
“Fuck.”
Leaning down you kissed him once more as his hands snaked around you, holding you against him. You felt his hand travel up your back before rounded down and flicking across your nipples once more.
Finally he slowed and rested his head against your chest. And you both remained like that for a while until the feeling finally returned back into your legs, leaving a burning sensation in their wake.
After cleaning up downstairs, Joel met you in the shower where his hands tangled between the wet strands of your hair and your back took on temporary imprints of the shower tile. And by the time you both woke up in the morning, your legs were still tangled with Joel’s from when you’d climbed back into bed after peeing.
Once Joel finally woke up, you both lay in silence for a while, your nails trailing up and down his chest as his own fingers did the same on your arm.
“How’s your side?”
“I think the aching in my legs is distracting me.”
Joel smiled and leaned down to press a kiss to your lips. “Good.”
You kissed him back. “But I think my bandage needs changing.”
Joel nodded. “Grab a shower and I’ll go and grab you some fresh ones. The ones from last night should be dry by now.”
“Okay.” You kissed him. “But feel free to join me.”
Joel smiled and kissed your lips twice. “I plan on it.”
So, after an extra long shower, the feeling of Joel’s cock entering you from behind as he kept your hands pinned against the tile still fresh inside of you, Joel changed your bandage and you both finally got dressed.
By the time Ellie and Maria came knocking on the back door and entering the kitchen, it was like nothing had changed. Ellie might not have noticed it, but Maria certainly did.
“I brought you some antiseptic cream. Should help with the healing.”
“Thanks.”
Joel looked towards Ellie. “You had breakfast?”
Maria shook her head. “Tried to, but she wanted to see you as soon as she could.”
Joel nodded before sucking the bacon grease off his thumb. “Grab a plate. Maria, you staying?”
“No, best not. I’ve got a council meeting in twenty minutes.”
“Coffee to go?” You offered.
Maria nodded, a little confused as she watched the picture play out in front of her. “Uh, yeah. That’d be lovely. Thanks.”
In front of her she saw Joel…happy. His eyes practically followed every movement you made before the eggs spat in the pan and he turned his attention back to his cooking. His hand at your hip as he rounded you to get into another drawer, your hand on his back as you passed him to grab a to-go lid from under the sink.
The way you both looked at each other…it was the same as before but just…more.
“Here you go.”
Maria smiled for a few reasons other than the coffee you handed her. “Thanks. See you guys later?”
You and Joel looked at each other, a little confused. “For what?”
Maria’s brows furrowed. Had you literally fucked the brains out of each other?
“It’s movie night.” Ellie told everyone. Joel looked at his daughter, his brain finally kicking into gear.
“Right. Yeah, yeah. We’ll be there.”
Maria smiled. “Great. Well, I better run. Enjoy breakfast.”
Leaving, you turned back to Joel. “I completely forgot.”
“Same here.” He wiped his hands on a dish towel before transferring breakfast across to three plates.
The rest of the day ran smoothly. Maria made sure to keep you and Joel at a distance from each other when helping set up. If the morning was anything to go by, both of your functioning brains disappeared when you were together.
But she didn’t miss the constant eye-fucking across the room you gave to each other. Especially when the other wasn’t looking.
And it was only when you and Joel passed each other in the supply closet you got a few moments together which each time got interrupted by someone calling for either one of you or someone making their way down the empty hallway towards the supply closet.
That would be when you and Joel would jump apart and put an entire row of shelved between you both, you making small conversation as Joel turned his back, straightened out his mustache, grabbed the box he’d gone in for, slip past you, his hand patting or pinching your ass despite his eyes being fixed on the floor before he got an easy escape in order to cool down.
And once you’d gotten back home, he did everything he’d wanted to do to you in the supply closet, at home. At least until Ellie walked through the front door, calling out for him telling him she was home.
The routine you and Joel had set that night continued for almost a month. In between then, Ellie had worked out something had finally happened between you and Joel, as had Maria and Tommy.
A few others around town had worked it out, too, though they never had full confirmation.
Until the day came where you went missing.
You had meant to pass by the school and walk home with Ellie since it was Joel’s turn to cook dinner. Only, when Ellie walked inside half an hour late and without you, Joel grew a little concerned as well as a little annoyed.
You were never one to bail a plan, or even be late. So why weren’t you with Ellie?
“She didn’t show.”
“What do you mean she didn’t show?”
Ellie shrugged and dropped her bag by the door. “She didn’t show.”
Joel still fixed you a plate anyway. Maybe your work had run over. Only, the worry in the pit of his stomach seemed to grow more when he saw his brother.
“Tommy, have you seen Y/n?”
Tommy nodded his head as he wiped down the bar. “Yeah, earlier. She covered Charlotte’s shift on patrol during dinner time.”
Even with taking the extra shift, you still would have finished in time to walk with Ellie.
“Have you seen her since?”
Tommy shook his head but then called out for someone. A guy dressed in a dark coat walked over. “What can I do for you, Tommy boy?”
“You seen Y/n?”
The guy looked from Tommy, to Joel and Ellie. “Not since the start of patrol. But she should be back by now.”
“Why? What happened?”
The guy shrugged. “One of the fellas said she’d headed back early for something. She wouldn’t say what. They’d finished most of their grid so he finished up on his own and met us back at the bottom of the hill.”
“And you haven’t seen her since?”
The man shook his head. “I’m sorry, Joel. I haven’t.”
“Thanks anyway.”
He nodded. “If I see her, I’ll let her know you’re looking for her.”
“Thanks, Bryan.”
Tipping his hat, he walked away and back to his table. Then Joel grabbed his jacket. “Ellie, stay with Tommy.”
“Where are you going?”
“Check her house. Stay with Tommy,” Joel repeated as he saw Ellie go to stand. She reluctantly sat back down.
He was outside your home in fifteen minutes. He called out your name but no reply came. Finding the spare key, he let himself in before looking around the place. Nobody. Then he checked his own home. Then the gardens, school, movie theatre and finally the bar again.
“Find her?”
Joel shook his head. “No.”
But then he heard a laugh, and something dropped in his stomach. Turning around, his eyes made contact with another pair.
You’d pointed out to Joel the men who you knew from before Boston. And there they sat, with a satisfied look in their eyes.
“You looking for your woman, Miller? Or is she just fucking you like she fucked Travis?”
Joel was across the floor in five seconds flat, his hands at the collar of one of them. “What the fuck did you do to her?”
But he just laughed. Joel looked back at Tommy who just nodded to a side door. Everyone in the bar had gone silent, but he wasn’t worried about them. Ellie didn’t need to see what he was about to do.
So dragging the guy with him, he pulled him through the swinging door, meanwhile Tommy and a few others surrounded the other friend before he could make a move to attack Joel.
“The bitch should still be alive if you can find her in time.”
Mostly the guy just laughed in Joel’s face until Joel had him slumped on the floor and had him screaming with a knife in his knee.
“You psycho fucker!”
Joel remained calm. “Where is she?”
“Like I’d tell you,” Joel stabbed him once more. “I’m gonna ask you one more time and if you don’t tell me, I’ll pop your fucking knee cap off.”
“Fuck you.”
Joel twisted the knife. “Okay, okay! She’s in the upper grid! She’s in the upper grid!”
Joel searched his eyes, turning the guy’s head from side to side. “If you’re lying-”
“I’m not!” He cried. “I’m not. I swear.”
“Okay.”
The guy calmed down a little. “Okay?”
“Okay.”
“So you’ll let me-” He screamed in pain as Joel shattered his knee. “Ah! Fucker! You promised.”
“I didn’t promise you a fucking thing.”
Joel stood and wiped the knife clean. “You and your friend better be gone before I get back.”
“How?! You’ve just broke my fucking leg!”
“Then crawl. Whilst you can still do that.”
The guy cried in pain. “You crazy fucker! You’ll pay for this! I swear, you’ll pay for this!”
Joel didn’t look back as he walked back through the door. “Call a fucking lawyer.”
The guy's screams of pain died away with the swinging of the door and by the look on the other guy’s face, he was shitting himself.
Joel grabbed him by the collar. “You know where she is?”
He nodded. “Take me.”
“But-”
Joel shot him in the leg.
“Alright! Alright!”
Dragging him by the collar, Joel carried him outside and through the town. Meanwhile, Ellie sat and watched from the cover of the bar before turning to Tommy who came to her side.
“He’ll find her.”
Tommy nodded. “Hopefully.”
But Ellie was adamant. “He found me. He’ll find her.”
Tommy didn’t know the full story about what happened after his brother and Ellie left Jackson the first time, but going off how he’d reacted to finding you gone and in danger and how he’d been on Outbreak Day with Sarah…Tommy had a feeling someone wasn’t coming back.
After forty minutes, the guy lifted his hand, “She’s in there.”
The only thing there was a mound of dirt. The guy was already crying.
“We buried her. She should still be alive-” He didn’t finish his sentence because the blow of the bullet at the base of his skull shut him up.
And Joel got to work, shovelling piles of dirt as quickly as he could.
“Joel!”
From the hill, a few others appeared with guns. “We heard a shot-” Then they realised.
“Grab a shovel! Help me!”
And they did.
Eventually, they hit a wooden box.
“Joel, she’s here.” Bryan told him before wiping the thin layer of dirt from the edges where both himself and Joel stabbed at the edges with their shovels, using them as a crowbar until finally the top popped off.
Seeing more light than before, your lungs seemed to rush with air quicker than you could breathe it in. Sitting up quickly, you felt a pair of hands on you.
“Get off me! Get off me!”
“Hey, hey, hey. It’s me. Y/n, it’s me. Hey, hey, look at me.”
Holding your face in his hands, your vision cleared to find Joel standing in front of you. “J-Joel?”
“Hey.”
Joel helped you up quickly, pulling you into his arms as his back rested against the side of the grave, your sobs falling against his chest.
“It’s okay. I’ve got you. You’re safe.”
Bryan laid a hand on Joel’s shoulder. “Take her home. We’ll take care of the rest.”
Joel nodded, his hand at the back of your head. “Come on. I’ll help you out.”
And he did. You were still shaking like a leaf.
With his jacket over your shoulders, Joel held you into his side as you both walked back to town and towards home.
“I’m so sorry, Joel.”
Those were the first words you’d spoken to him since the morning when you’d kissed him goodbye.
Joel shook his head as he was crouched in front of you, washing your face for you. Despite the shower, there still seemed to be dirt in your eyes.
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”
You nodded but he still had to tell you the same a day later when you woke up in his bed for the second time since he’d woken you up to tell you he’d be back in one hour. When you finally did pull yourself out of bed, you opened up the bedroom door to find Ellie standing to attention.
Neither of you said anything but in a few moments, she ran towards you and hugged you. It wasn’t long before you both sunk to the floor.
“I’m so sorry I was late.”
Ellie shook her head. “Are you going to be okay?”
You nodded. “Thanks to Joel.” You tried your best to dry your tears. “Where is he?”
“Still with Tommy. They’re still dealing with the guys that…” Ellie skipped over that part. “Everyone is on your side, and Joel’s side, too.”
You just nodded again. “Good.”
Then Ellie leaned forward and hugged you again before you both heard a familiar pair of boots walk up the stairs. “You’re awake.”
“I think so, at least.”
“I’ve got breakfast.”
The morning was mostly spent in silence until Ellie fell asleep tucked into your side of the sofa. Joel went to pick her up to carry her to bed but you stopped him. “Leave her.”
He did so and sat on your otherside, his arm resting around your shoulders whilst his hand brushed the back of Ellie’s sleeping head.
“I’m so sorry, Joel.”
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. It wasn’t your fault. None of it.”
You shook your head. “No matter where I go, I seem to collect scars. And they never let me go.”
Joel pressed a kiss to your head before gently placing his other hand on your thigh. “You should be proud of them. They’re a sign you survived. They’re a sign you’re still alive and here. With us.”
Looking at Joel, all you saw on his face was sincerity. He truly meant it, and truly believed it, too. Leaning up, you let him kiss you gently before you settled your head against his chest.
Maybe he was right. You knew he was right. You trusted he was right.
Especially when you’d come to learn of all the ways Joel could appreciate your survival, proving to you how you could appreciate it, too.
