#past&present

The glass showing no signs of tampering, he smiled content that he wouldn’t be in trouble.You turned back just in time to see – nothing – just your brother standing there and smiling at you. Frowning with a playful smile you watched him wave and leave the kitchen without so much as another word, practically skipping out into the halls. At the age of eight you thought your little brother of three going on four was always odd. So you thought nothing of it.

“Y/N! Y/N, there you are, have you seen your brother, Landan?” The guard came in and you simply pointed in the direction he went and continued with your lunch. Finishing the food and chugging the water you moved to put everything away when the alarms went off.

Dropping the dishes into the sink and rushing to find your brother, like you’d been told to anytime the alarms sounded. You found him with the guard, a medic, and your mother.

“Mommy I fell that’s it really. Nothing too bad.” Your brother’s voice was falling on deaf ears. You spotted a broken vial on the ground that had shattered on the ground, a few drops of whatever had been in it were leaking onto the ground and your brother’s arms were bleeding and scrapped from the fall.

It was easy to tell where your mother’s thoughts had gone, but what had been in that vial that had scared her so much to cause all this?

Now

“Hey Y/N are you alright?” A warm hand gripped your shoulder shaking you from your daze of memory. It had only been a couple hours since you left the therapy session and you were still remembering things. This however was the first time in a few years that you were able to remember your child hood.

“Y/N?” The voice shook you out of your thoughts finally and you found a worried look on Steve’s face.

“Hmm?” You hummed in question not really trusting any part of you. His brow furrowed some more, before he realized what he’d pulled you out of. He knew that HYDRA had attempted to destroy your memories, and he knew they were somewhat unsuccessful, however he didn’t know a lot about any of your past memories that short list including any and all missions you’d had with the Winter Soldier, but nothing more.

“The past sneak up on you again?” He questioned pulling his hand back and giving you that knowing look. Nodding to him you quickly looked around the room momentarily forgetting where you were.

The room was empty and you knew not many people could get to this side of the tower. Only particular Avenger’s and hand-picked shield agents could come over here. You couldn’t leave this section of the tower, but it wasn’t like you really wanted to. Being caged up was your thing, you were almost content caged up in a building not allowed to go certain places.

It was safe to say you were used to it.

“Seems like my past just keeps coming back faster ‘ya know? As if it wants to be remembered, and I mean more than remembered. The memories seem to want to be felt, relived.” You trailed off slowly, your accent muddying some of your words together, either way Steve still understood. He always seemed to understand.

Somedays you questioned how he was so damn easy to talk to, how he almost seemed practiced and trained in the art of understanding both HYDRA victims and HYDRA mind wiping.

“They sure do.” It was all he said, but just from the look in his eye it was easy to tell that he was thinking of something. Suddenly curious and desperate to pull the attention off of you, you prodded further into the look he had.

“What‘re you thinking about Steve?” The roll of your ‘r’ made him look back at you as he leaned against the counter edge. You copied his position and leaned against the counter next to him.

“Just about my past is all. Seems that everyone’s wants to come back to them lately.” He smiled knowing that you wanted the subject off of you. That was something else you appreciated. His ability to just go with the flow and not question it, but still knowing what’s changed.

Just as the two of you were going to start up a new conversation a loud crash sounded against the thick metal door in one corner of them room.

It was one of the doors you weren’t supposed to go through.

The two of you were startled into alertness and whereas Steve moved towards the door defensively, you were backing up into the rest of the open room. You were an ex-HYDRA scout you barely ever saw any real action and when you did you could easily conquer it due to your abilities, but you hadn’t used them in so long you were scared.

Another loud crash sounded and the hinges shook, the frame seemed ready to give and you were suddenly very thankful that the double door didn’t have any windows. You watched as Steve took a few more small steps and stopped, the shadows coming from under the door were moving around, then the shadows just disappeared with the banging.

“Ste-““-shh” He interrupted you and put a finger to his lips. That was something you could follow – orders- so you shut up.

As if anticipating it Steve dropped down to a roll and dodged the door flying off its hinges. In a matter of mere seconds. You saw Steve, a beat up Natasha and a bloody Sam Wilson start and continue to fight HIM. Each of them were shouting at HIM, but none of it was working.

How could he be here?

The Winter Soldier?

You thought he was dead.

Gone. Taken away from you five years ago and from everything it seemed like HYDRA had killed him.

When you can back to reality the three of them were down and he was going for Natasha once more, Sam shouted at him gaining his attention. When Sam started back tracking closer to you he followed.

With no thought to yourself you darted forward and pulled Sam back and came face to face with The Winter Soldier your arms outstretched to him, but not touching him. The others were silent as they watched you just standing there and him not doing anything.

He was glaring past you at Sam, but you held your ground looking him over for a moment.

His hair was longer, eyes a slightly lighter grey-ish steel blue, bit of fuzz on his jaw, and larger-darker circles under his eyes.

“Look at me.” That was all you needed to say to get his attention. He was looking you up and down when a frown formed. You could hear the metal plates in his arm move as he relaxed ever so slightly.

He remembered you some. At least that was a good sign. Right?

You looked past him and shook your head at Natasha who begrudgingly stood down. Tony came into the room then and Natasha held him back – as did Steve.

The group just watched as The Winter Soldier just stood there inspecting you trying to figure out who you were. When he caught your eyes again you smiled a little. Putting down your arms in a show of trust and non-hostility. His pupils were blown wide, you knew what it was from though; if HYDRA whipped him, brain washed him, or used those damned trigger words and you saw him after his eyes were always blown wide like that.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t keep you safe, but I made a promise and I intend to keep it. Understand that? You’re safe. Моя звезда.” With that you took a step back and opened up your arms to him, but didn’t move. You let him decide. You gave him his control back even if it was momentary.

You remembered doing this a thousand times, but you could never see who it was for, until you saw him again. Past memories didn’t do anything for this particular memory, you had to see him in the flesh again.

You heard Sam move slowly from behind you towards the others where they asked Natasha what you’d said. “Моя звезда, roughly translates to ‘My Star’ in Russian.” She’d whispered.

You ignored them as you stared onward, and eventually just like in your past memory he gingerly stepped forward dropped to his knees with a loud thud and hugged you. You gently put your arms down over his shoulders as he buried his face into your stomach breathing deeply. Out of all the memories you had when you saw the Winter Soldier there were moments like these where he just seemed so out of character, but that’s what you did to him.

You were his bullet proof vest, his extra magazine of ammunition, and his ticket home. In short you were his safety, and even with all that HYDRA had done to him nothing, nothing could destroy the unseen and delicate bond you had created over 75 years together.

Soon you felt him relax and you could hear it. Tony approached a serum you’d seen a thousand times in his hand. It was just a particular cocktail to knock him out, but not do any harm. It’d been used on you as well during your stay at the tower.

Taking it from Tony you started drawing circles on the Winter Soldier’s back grabbing his attention.

“I’m giving you something that will help with the pain. You can sleep for a bit, without nightmares. Alright?” You held the needle, but didn’t move until you had his permission. When he nodded into your stomach his arms got tighter around you. Using the serum and handing the needle over to Tony you held onto your star, your soldier as he slowly went to sleep.

“He out?” Sam gingerly asked, cradling his arm and side. With a nod from you everyone let out the air they had been holding in. A medical trolley had been brought in and you slowly lifted him up and placed him on the trolley, the nurses rolled him off past the metal door in a hurry.

Steve came up to you as you hung your head for a moment. The rush of emotions and memories were engulfing you now.

The memories, the emotions, feelings from sleeping next to him, cooking, scouting, hell even being tortured in the same room in front of him for hour’s even days on end together. All of it, almost the whole 75 years that you thought you’d lost came flooding back in.

It was safe to say that your walls had been torn down, silent tears kept rolling down your face as Steve came to stand in front of you now. You looked up and in one swift motion you slapped him across the face.

The sound resonated through the room. He was silent as you looked up at him barely holding yourself inside.

“You knew! You knew of my connection with him, but you had him here! HERE! A-and you didn’t let me see him! –“”-We couldn’t risk –“”I don’t fucking care about what could have been risked! I’ve been at his side for 75 fucking years and for the past 5 I thought he was dead!”

You’d started crying and yelling at him, but you just didn’t seem able to control your emotions. You weren’t sure if you wanted to hug Steve for keeping him safe, or punch him for lying to you for so long and keeping you isolated away from him.

Without another word you cleaned up your face using your long sleeves and you stormed past him and the others. You were out and down the hall before they could say anything. You walked through the halls letting your feet guide you through this other section of the tower when you found am electronic map on a wall.

Hours Later

When you’d found the medical room you’d sat down next to The Winter Soldier and you hadn’t moved since.

Night had long since passed and the sun was peeking through the curtains highlighting his features. Time didn’t matter to you and neither did food, you’d gone longer without eating.

Any Avenger that came in told you that he might not remember you when he woke, but you didn’t care. Even if he didn’t remember you, you could at least indulge in the thought of looking out for him again.

You twisted the black ring on the ring finger of your left hand. It was one of the few things you never seemed to forget. Not matter how many times they attempted to wipe you, brain wash you or torture you, not once did you forget what that ring was from, or the matching black ring that was just slightly bigger than your finger that you had on your thumb of the same hand. Both were old, around 57 years old, or at least that’s how long you’d had them and they meant something.

A nurse came in and checked him. She looked you over once or twice not sure if she should say anything about the fact that you hadn’t eaten, you could see it written on her face. She moved to ask you something and you stopped her.

“My apologies, but no. I’m not leaving him, and I don’t need anything. If he’s here unconscious for more than a couple weeks then I’ll take an IV otherwise, just treat him.” You’d said the statement to others before and didn’t even look away from the Winter Soldier as you said it.

She sighed and almost silent ‘fine’ and left. You sat on a chair near his shoulder. It had been almost days since you’d gotten proper sleep without a nightmare so you were starting to drift. With everything that’d happened last night you were just drained.

Without thinking you did something you must have done a thousand times before. You leaned against your shoulder resting your arm under his metal one and intertwining your fingers with his then you just simply went to sleep.

Bucky’s POV

My head was hazy and there was a slight ringing in my ears. I didn’t know where I was until I opened my eyes to see the familiar view of the medical room’s ceiling. The ringing left and I could hear the buzz of the lights and tech in the area. That’s when I felt it.

There was something in my left hand. I squeezed a little and realized it was someone’s hand. I sat up a bit in bed, just enough to see my surroundings better and I saw her.

I’d seen her before, she was from my past. I remembered some conversations with her, but I’d never seen her face. I could never remember what she looked like, could never remember her name, but I just knew. I could recall painful memories of being tortured and wiped then being taken back to my cell and left there standing at the front door.

The metal door was quiet when it closed, but as soon as I was in I would look for her. Sometimes she’d be right there ahead of me, or in the shower, or even sleeping, but I’d always find her in the cell.

I frowned a little looking over her sleeping form as I recalled one the times they had successfully brainwashed me, it had been twenty years from when they started, but nonetheless, it was successful. She had been making food. I hadn’t cared what she was making just that her back was to me.

I remembered having an odd feeling in my gut telling me that I could trust her, but I went with my brainwashed instincts to put a knife to her throat. She stopped momentarily then of all things.

She smiled.

A knife to her throat and she bloody smiled. Didn’t even look over at me as she held up a sandwich and offered it to me.

She moved in her sleep, her hand squeezing mine and effectively pulling me out of my thoughts. Her hand got tighter, but it did nothing to the metal, if anything she would wake up with lines on her hand. Out of curiosity I squeezed back a little and she relaxed. She relaxed, I made her feel safe – somehow – and she didn’t feel threatened by me.

“Hey Buck, that you this time? I don’t feel like being beat up again.” I turned to see Sam and I nodded to him. He relaxed some, but it wasn’t the same as her. He was still tense on some level, as if I could lash out again.

“Good to have you back, don’t exactly appreciate being thrown through a metal door.” He was trying to make light of the situation, but it was obvious that he had only finished getting fixed up recently. I could spot his injuries easy, mostly because I somewhat remember what I did, but I didn’t remember the whole night.

“Sorry ‘bout that.” He waved off my apology and came closer wincing slightly as he walked over. Looking past me her saw her asleep holding my hand and let out a surprised ‘huh’.

“What? You know her?” I questioned all too interested in the topic.

“Yah, she managed to calm you down. Never thought I’d see that happen.” A look of genuine surprise crossed his face as he turned the chair to better face me. I just frowned and tilted my head slightly wondering what had happened.

“Don’t remember? Ha- I’ll gladly re-fresh your mind ya tin can.” He laughed a bit and I just smiled at his antics.

“You turned – obviously – and you just started after Natasha and I pushing us back down a hallway, that’s when you tossed me through the door and we barged in on Steve and Y/N.”

“Y/N?” I tested the name out and it sounded right, like it fit you, and as if I’d said it more than once.

“Yea Y/N, well you managed to get Steve, Natasha and myself to the ground or at least dazed in some way or another. You were going after Nat when I stood up and got your attention.”

“Then I turned on you and moved towards you.” I concentrated trying to put the pieces together in my head as Sam spoke.

“Exactly. Then out of nowhere she-“Sam pointed to you, still asleep and holding my hand “-pulled me back and put herself between me and you. She said something about a promise to keep you safe? I dunno know, then she said something in Russian. Nat had to translate and like that-“He snapped his fingers to show how quick it was “-you took a step towards her and fell to your knees in front of her.”

You hummed in response understanding what had happened and you looked over at her.

Not a single movement, must be having a nice dream.

“Anyways. I’ll leave you two alone and I’ll let Cap know you’re up.”

“Thanks Sam, and Sorry ‘bout beating you up.” We nodded to each other in understanding and he was gone. I leaned back and watched you sleep, having nothing else to do and not wanting to wake you up.

Few minutes went by and you twitched in your sleep, your body convulsing. I gripped your hand and you gripped back, almost calming down immediately. Before you went back into your sleep you moved to hold my arm with your other hand.

I couldn’t hold back the smile that crossed my face. You were holding my arm as if it were a teddy bear. Gripping it tight with both hands and trying to bring yourself closer. With my right hand I moved the hair from your face then went to sleep watching you and letting you hold my arm. Something I didn’t think I would ever let someone do, but here you were.

Proving the impossible. 

Hey thanks for reading, hope it was good, sorry for any and all mistakes and please leave either a comment, like, re-blog, or hey make a suggestion! 

Where do you think this is going? What do you think was in your drink back in 1918? 

Fernand was being pushed by the crowd of people towards the platform. Citizens of Paris were filling le place de greve in preparation for the hanging of Francois Baptiste, and their voices were crashing over one another like a river as it raced towards a waterfall. Fernand’s breath appeared as a cloud in the cool November air, but the ever growing number of people kept the worst of the chill at bay. Fernand slipped through the crowd easily, making his way to the front. 

His breath caught as he saw Emile, resplendent in his uniform, standing at attention while papa was escorted out onto the stage. He couldn’t think about Emile now. Fernand had to get his father off that platform. Fernand’s mind was whirring as he jumped at every possibility offered.

Some members of La Bande Noire could cause a distraction, enough to pull the attention of the guards, and Fernand would get his father to safety. They’d escape, and his father would live and find Angeline’s son. Once the king was found he would be so happy to be on the throne that he would pardon Francois, show all of Paris the hero his father is. 

Emile would come back, realising he’d been lied to by the musketeers and that his home, his real home, was still waiting.

Stop thinking about Emile. Fernand couldn’t be distracted. The moment to save papa could be any second now. It was thinking about things that would ruin him. Simone, sweet little Simca, was always cautioning him to wait. To think. But she was still a child, and Fernand knew better. She had shouted at him as he left that morning. 

“Will you just stop! They’re going to kill papa, do you want them to kill you too?” Fernand continued getting ready, pulling on a pair of his father’s boots that Francois had handed down to him. They were still just a little big, but he was still growing and would fill them soon.

“They aren’t going to be killing anyone today, Simca. I’m going to bring papa home.” She was fuming at him, infuriated that he refused to listen. Her hair still looked like a sleepy halo encircling her head. He hadn’t meant to wake her, but she hadn’t been sleeping well since they took papa away. She was clearly trying to hold her words in, thinking over the best way to make him stay in their too-quiet house.

“If you would start using that brain of yours-” Fernand snapped back at her then, shocked at how he was speaking to her yet he was unable to stop himself. 

“I’m the eldest, Simca. Father said that I had to take care of you when he left, not the other way around! We don’t have time to wait and ponder every little thing!” He stood then, going to the door of their shared room, pushing back the thick fabric that acted as a way to provide some privacy between the two of them.

“I’ll be an old man if I just sit around thinking about everything!” But her words came back, sharper than his.

“At least you’ll get to be an old man, Fernand.” He stared, shocked at his little sister. Her words had pierced through his heart, and the idea that papa was already dead, had been dead since they had come to take him away three months ago, slipped in. 

He stormed down the stairs of their home then. Passing the months-long-empty room that belonged to papa, everything still as he had left it, he stormed through the front door. But Simca was there, tugging him back, and they were already hugging as tightly as if they were the only thing holding them afloat in a storm-tossed ocean. 

“I’m losing Papa, and I can’t lose you too.” Her face was crushed against his chest, muffling her words to the point they almost went unheard. He stroked her hair, already guilty he had raised his voice to her. But all would be well when papa was back, Fernand was sure of it. He kissed the top of her head.

“I’ll be home soon.”

He was back in the square, unsure if the pounding he heard was the drums or his heart. Any time now… But no one did anything as the charges were read and the rope was placed around papa’s neck. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Fernand knew then that it must be him, he was the one who must act.

“Papa!” Fernand threw himself at the stage, was clawing at the edge to pull himself up. He was coming for his father. But someone was grabbing him, pulling him back and away. He was on the ground then, staring at the underside of the gallows. The cold stone knocked the air from his lungs, and he laid unmoving as he gasped for his breath again. A sound like a cannon, a crashing followed by a snap. He saw two boots swinging back and forth.

They looked like his father’s.

“Soyez silencieux! Ecoute moi!” A hush came over the crowd in Les Trois Chemins, as they all turned to look at Fernand in expectation. Sweet silence for a moment. He felt as if a fire was growing inside of him as the realisation that this was not some nightmare, it was real, washed over him. La Bande Noire looked to him now, just as he had seen them look to his father.

Fernand knew what he had to do then. La Bande Noire was his now, and they would fight with everything they had to right the wrong that had been done to Angeline and her son. The wrong that had been done to Francois. I am not Francois, he thought again. This time it was followed by I am his son. He climbed up onto the table, making himself a stage so that he would be easily seen by all who had gathered around him.

“You all know why we are here. Francois, our leader, my father, is dead.” Fernand was glad he was able to keep the choked sob down, making it seem like he voice was deeper than it truly was. “He died so that the truth about his sister would be known. Angeline, the true wife to King Louis, Le Roi-Soliel, died while bringing his legitimate heir into this world. The king was killed before he could meet his son, and so Le Batard sits on a throne that is not his, thanks to his power-hungry mother, who plots to hide the truth from all of France!“ The fire was burning so hot now, it needed to spread or it would devour Fernand whole.

“When Francois threatened the false king, they had him killed so no one else would know the truth. But we know. And soon all of Paris, all of France shall know.” Fernand could feel it, the energy of the crowd, the fire was spreading to each of them. They burned as he did, and he would fuel it until it was large enough to bring Paris to its knees if he had to. “There is not a corner of Paris that has not felt our feet! This city is ours, and when the rightful king sits on the throne of France, he will rejoice knowing that we put him there.”

His impassioned words had drawn the attention of others in the tavern, bringing them to him. 

“We mustn’t forget, the rightful king’s heart beats with our blood.” Fernand beat his fist against his chest, raising a few cheers and cries of agreement from his audience.

“Do you want to be born, suffer, and die, under the heel of a child who knows nothing of the world outside his palace, or do you want to live as free men, with a king who lives as we live, who bleeds as we bleed?” The flames had caught them then, their feet pounded against the floor until it turned into the sound of thunder, their voices raised in the call of battle. I will find my cousin. Fernand felt the thought take over him, knowing that he wasn’t promising just to himself.