#passive acceptance

"Passive acceptance of the teacher's wisdom is easy to most boys and girls. It involves no effort of independent thought, and seems rational because the teacher knows more than his pupils; it is moreover the way to win the favour of the teacher unless he is a very exceptional man. Yet the habit of passive acceptance is a disastrous one in later life. It causes man to seek and to accept a leader, and to accept as a leader whoever is established in that position."

Day 352: In which spine-bereft kowtowers prioritize tax bonanzas for billionaires over reining in their Crayola-toned Caligula. #resist #mentallyunfit #dumptrump #stablegenius #donthecon #magaisformorons #thisisnotnormal #dailydrawing #thedailydon

Wouldn’t it be nice if all you had to do to make something happen was to say it was so? How great would it be if, whatever we said, the people around us recognized it as truth, with no arguments or disagreements?

But that’s not the way the world works. The people around us don’t necessarily recognize everything we say as true. They question what we say, present their version of the situation, point to things outside of us as data to support their claims.  As appealing as it sounds to have the Magical Power of the Spoken Truth always on your side, there is a flip side to that scenario. Because, what if other people had that power?  What if – just by stating an opinion or perspective – someone made it The Truth? Are you giving others that power?

This week I have been struck by how many of my clients have someone in their lives whose opinion over-rides their own beliefs about themselves. I see my clients’ passive acceptance of the other person’s evaluation. And when that evaluation is negative, this is a hit on my client’s self-esteem. Is this happening to you? Are you giving away the Power of Truth?

I recently had a good laugh with a friend about how our IQs seemed to plummet as soon as our kids reached the teen years. And I was telling him to hang in there, that it does get better, since my IQ seems to have risen again, according to my oldest child, who is 21. So if he holds out a few more years, his teen may change her tune about him as well.

Of course, neither of us took seriously that we are idiots just because our teens have declared it to be the case. So why do we let so many other people in our lives have a negative impact on how we view ourselves? If your boss gets angry because the project you are managing is delayed and questions your competence or commitment, does that mean you are actually incompetent or that you have been blowing off your work responsibilities? Learn to look at the data: Did you have unusual difficulties with this project, or is this a pattern? Come to your own conclusions about where the problem lays, rather than accepting the boss’s evaluation without question.

You can apply this process to any situation in your life. Say your spouse questions how much you contribute to the housework: is she correct that you’re lazy, or is it just that there’s so much to do? Or imagine that a friend thinks you aren’t there for him in the way he needs: are you truly a lousy friend or do his current needs outweigh your current resources?

I’m not suggesting you ignore any criticism that comes your way. I’m suggesting that just because someone says something, that doesn’t make it so. You know yourself. Don’t allow someone else’s criticism to define your self-knowledge.