#passing time

a high school soccer pazzi au where azzi transfers to paige’s school. 

contains: slow burn, strangers to friends to lovers, angst, miscommunication, cursing, mentions of divorce (p’s parents), mentions of anxiety/depression, player p!, straight azzi (not actually but actually), probably more i’ll update as time goes on

Time was passing like a hand waving from a train that I wanted to be on.

Oh, to be forgotten, that's all she ever wanted.

The passage of time is a desert of Golden Glittering Sand that goes on for eternity.

Filled with shards of Shimmering Glass from broken hourglass, remnants of lives that have long since passed.

The sky Filled with unbroken hourglass’s. Gleaming twin domes, with the lives of those still alive and sand slipping through their fingers tips.

And then there is you, wanderer of the golden wastes. One who never had an hourglass to break. just you and the golden sands of time to wander through forever when you are awake.

Where is the beginning and where is the end? Is it just Glittering Gold and gleaming glass? Just you and the sands of those who have gone…. Passed on?

‘What happened?

In my mother’s final days, during her transition from an independent live wire, to a resident of heaven’s vestibule, she lived with Sharon and me for four months.

During that time, it wasn’t uncommon for her to call out my name in the middle of the night. I would go to her bedside and ask, “What do you need, Ma?”

Sometimes, she would simply ask, "What happened?"

Eventually I quit asking “When?,” or, “What do you mean?” because I realized it wasn’t a question grounded in logic; it arose from the shadowland between sleep and wakefulness.

I got the sense at those times that she had been dreaming of an earlier, happier time. Dreaming, maybe, of her childhood, or of the high-energy days as a young mother, or of her time as a widow carousing in the casinos.

Suddenly, because of some trick of time, she was a feeble woman, dependent on others.

So, what happened? Life happened, Ma. Time happened.

The older I get, the more I understand the question.

[Love Tarn but I’ll never forgive him for what he did to Kaon, you overripe eggplant.]

But at least I have my beloved Soundwave. 💙

So smol. Wifey.