#passerpoints

Hi Hibou, Just saw your post :) I get that you don't like Tumblr much anymore. Feel free to just email me if that works better lol My project is a bit overwhelming. I think it's just becasue I've never been in charge of anything before. Like, things are going wrong, and the tech people can't fix them, (they are located in England) and I don't really know a hell of a lot about computers...I think mainly they picked me because I am young. Aaaannnnnyyyy ways. Those things are okay mostly. Just normal work pressure. Sometimes I think to myself, why is it that I snap so easily. Like bend me juuuust a little bit and I break. I don't tolerate stress or pain easily. Which brings me to the next thing. Gyming is good for me, but it wears me out. Which sometimes is a good thing because I do get a better nights sleep and w/e when I do go. I usually get to the gym about 4x a week now. Have been for a month and a half :-) Yay me!!! I am getting stronger and I have lost weight (only two pounds as of yet, but I am putting on muscle) We shall see what happens in the long term. I hate the idea of asking myself to do these goals that are impossible, so for the time being, I am just seeing what weight I loose without a particular goal, just getting my ass there is more than I have been doing in years. I am still racking my brain about wedding gifts for you and Mark...I don't want to get you something you wont use (like a gravy boat...unless you want a gravy boat) Claire liked writing to you. I feel like if she was me in high school, you two would have really hit it off :) Candles and candle burning are my new obsessions. That and good smelling bath stuff, (because if I am going to the gym, you bet your ass that my ass will be smelling fresh and clean afterward lol) and tea. I am loving that tea you bought me for Christmas. Thank you again for that :) Miss you love you. Once the snow clears, so will a path to you and your guestroom. Long weekend anyone? Let me know when your life gets a little less hectic!!!

Hi Hibou, Thanks for mailing a letter, I'm sure I'll get it soon. I'm excited to see what you have to say :) Anyways. We're hunkering down here for stormageddon '15. I have Ace and Charlie here with me (the Halloran's dogs) , the Hallorans are on another cruise. I'm at Mary Ellen's house on my own for the week. They've cancelled my work for the next few days, so feel free to call me anytime. Make sure you pass along your new address, so I can send you along a reply. I'm still going to the gym. My whole body hurts, and I have no abs. Just so you know Love you so very much

Hi Hibou, How are you? I hope you are doing well. Miss you. Are you and Mark just going to chill for Turkey Day, or are you going to his/your parents? On the "me" front, I have gotten several calls from posting my resumee, not really the best ones, but still calls. They would like me to be manager of Blinds to Go in Lakewood, or sell insurance. Still, things are happening. Things seem to be breaking a lot for me, or not working out like they should. I think it's just what happens a lot, you stay on hold with your loan company for an hour, the fan on your computer breaks, Hope we talk to eachother soon xoxoxo

Hi, I don't know I really don't know. Thanks for sticking with me through this period of I don't know. For trying to get me out of the mud. To the untrained eye, or maybe the trained one, I am living "the life I want" but tears come at night. Am I ungrateful? Am I made for more? Who knows. Only time and action will tell.

Ok. Real talk. You're right, there'll never be a moment of truth for me while the world is watching. I wont get hit by a car. Be that as it may, you are also right that you can't do any of it for me. It must frustrate you that I can't seem to move on. I can do something, whatever that is, to show you a benchmark. I am wasted potential. I get it. I know it nauseates you to think of me wasting away. I do not, as you may think, internalize this "woe is me" "everything just happens to me" "nothing can ever get better" negative ass mentality that you think permeates me. I am trying to make the best of my situation here, despite my bitching and moaning to you. I love you. I really do. I miss you and love you. You do for me what no one else will. I have, if this makes any difference to you, read this book. And Ben Franklin is right when he says "a wise man makes his own luck" and the ocean metaphor with the "pick a direction and start swimming" And I finally got to your jam experiment, the one with the varieties of jam at the tables for people to buy. I'll tell you what my six flavor table is singing philosophizing helping people learning things writing Singing is right up there. I would sing as a background singer for someone for the rest of my life if it meant I heard music every day If I hit the lottery (another one of those metaphors again) I would go back to school and just sit in a classroom and learn all day long. I don't know what career that is. I love going places, meeting new people, sharing experiences, and that little devil that lives in my head that is proud every time I open my mouth and show someone up at something. Tomorrow I am packing Thursday I am singing Bernadette's Funeral Friday I am on a plane. So if you don't get something from me right away, please don't think I'm ignoring you. I guess my life isn't so boring these "once and a while" weeks when I'm a productive member of society. If you haven't decided to stop speaking to me, I will be back here Monday Nov 17th, with some sort of plan. I know I know, I just have to start right? Tough love sounds a lot like anger and frustration. I hope you are neither angry nor frustrated with me.

Hi love. It has been a while, and I think it's mostly my fault. But my feathers aren't ruffled if yours aren't. I've been thinking of you. You are so nice to have a place for me to go when things get hectic. Its my own doing staying where I'm at. You shouldn't feel snubbed by me, or that I don't want to be with you. I'm ill equipped to deal with the minutia of life. I can barely pay the bills I owe now, let alone whatever comes with living on my own. You are so loving and care for me even when I don't care for myself and for that I will always be grateful. I love you so much. It sounds like you had a good visit with Mark's? Abuelo. Even though his grandparents are getting older, they sound like they love eachother very much, and so they are perfect judges of what "true" love is. How are you? I am leaving soon for Florida myself. This Friday we're flying down for our Cruise. We really should go on one to celebrate your wedding. You, me, Mark, and whoever else you want, the salt air, the gigantic ship. Toegether all day, tropical crazy drinks, just sitting poolside and talking all day. Doing whatever you like. Me singing at the piano bar all night in some slinky dress, hitting on the cocktail waiters. It'll be great :) It should really happen. For real. I need to see you. Pronto. I don't know when you next have time for me. It's going to get crazy I know with all the holidays coming up. Know that even though I'm not with you, I love you so much

I love you <3