#pasifistanomaly

Mostly so I can keep track but comments, questions, and insults are all welcome.

This isn’t well written but serves as a very decent explanation of my thoughts I guess so I don’t forget.

surface three years ago: drinking problem start for a bunch of reasons gone into some below

meeting Tea / learning about time lines to some extent: Tea wanted him to stop drinking but didn’t really have much effect other than he realized that besides a drinking problem he’s got a saving everyone despite drowning his own self problem which sadly just makes him feel shitty because he can’t actually do anything... just like with his brother. The situation Tea’s in bothers Pierian A LOT and honestly if they ever interact again, or keep interacting or whatever, Pierian will keep being bugged by this enough to attempt to forcibly kidnap him (* hi bro this is Hades, he’s the brother you deserve now take care of him because he needs it and might actually respond to help, kthxbye) Tea was a great starting point honest to god and I’m not just saying that because I love Tea. WHY he’s bugged by it so much is hard for me to nail down exactly but it REALLY does and that’s fun. (I mean it bugs ME but like I also think Tea’s doing pretty okay all things considered.)

new years: missed Christmas and no one noticed - in reaction to the realization that he was ‘right’ all along they don’t need him and the time of his being able to disappear without it effecting his brother at all is at hand... he made an attempt (not the first one but one that he means to make stick, first one he’s tried alone without announcing it or having a support network) to cut back on and stop drinking. he’s still doing this for others (his brother) and the useless resentment feeling that no one notices or cares about his problems (though when they do make overtures he resents that too, which is why they just kinda watch helplessly from the sidelines with occasional bouts of intervention when he’s gone too far again) gets worse because of it and the fact they don’t notice.

Meeting V - minor slippage that gets sidelined: it was just going to be one drink but he meets a human that reminds him so much of his human (who, because of the eventual pacifist ending that lead to all of them being free on  the surface with the human government currently kissing their asses, he’s learned of all the factors that lead to a kid becoming a monster and still someone how ending up their savior - despite him in particular - he blames himself for not being able to see or understand or save them and the things he did to the kid - horrible things that he honestly was pushed into because of their behavior but the pacifist ending speaks of a different story and knowing what he knows now he can’t help but blame himself) that he feels so strongly about helping that if he manages it or doesn’t its going to bring up a lot of the other things besides the feelings of resentment and abandonment and uselessness - the self loathing, the realization that he enjoys hurting others and there’s a part of him that enjoys that his suffering causes his brothers pain, that hes a monster more than the brat could ever be and more than that he wants to be - that leads to him going back to regular drinking... but with an air its fine as long as he’s “functioning” and keeping it “in control”.

Meeting Cosmic - in a bar: Seeing how he’s separated from a good brother, lost, and drinking away those feelings... He won’t let anyone turn into him. He’ll actively ask around and get the message out that he’s looking for a particular ‘line. HE doesn’t know how to find lines or even how the jumping process works - he abandoned science when Gaster died (the start of avoiding shit instead dealing with it) and the only reason he hasn’t been lost in the void between places is the inherent spatial awareness that all sans types seem to have - but his desire for a close bond with Orpheus is his largest driving force and if he can’t heal the figurative rift between himself and his brother, helping close the literal distance between cosmic and his brother would be the next best thing to feeding that need. After this talk though, regardless of how it turns out, is going to put him in a pretty dark place and the only thing holding him together is the thought that maybe he can help, be useful to someone, do a bit better at making his brother proud of him. But then...

Meeting Thanatos: Random guy insults him looking to start a fight. Where Pierian comes from you don’t let that stand. But worse it tips him over the edge. He’s Pissed and all that INTERNALIZED hatred suddenly has an EXTERNAL target... but then he’s forcibly reminded he can do fuck all. He’s walking free exp. He gives the fuck up on EVERYTHING. Honestly it happens so fast I’m surprised Thanatos doesn’t have whiplash. Any other uf sans I’ve ever written a fight would be EXACTLY whats needed to get him somewhat out of his funk but noooooooo Pieran has to be difficult. But on the good news side - if Thanatos doesn’t dust him - this leads right into the event I wanted to do anyways. EITHER way (dusted or not) I see Thanatos being good for Pierian in the long run because it will be very easy to slip the kid into the ‘little brother replacement’ role whether Thanatos wants to be there or not. I... don’t know how Orpheus would feel about that but it’ll be FUN.

Random - he’s “happy” because he’s drunk, but he’s still empty and needs to be able to help someone: He’s drunk. Him giving up was for real. But alcohol is a hazy safe place and he finds himself still acting on those ‘gotta be useful’ urges but they don’t hurt because nothing matters anymore. He’s just passing time and floating and fluctuating between really happy fuzziness to very sad about to fall down. But determination poisoning... (note to self. make an explanation of that.) Don’t know how this interaction will go for long term effects (still too early to say) but it IS the last one he has before the event.