now i know
a/n: hello !! i know i literally fell off the face of the earth and i don’t know if i am fully back but i had the sudden power to write. i have several ongoing drafts that are unfinished, but this one might be the oldest. i wrote this after the first few eps of tomorrow aired. so it's only fit i come back w a joong-gil story!
pairing: park jong-gil x reader
warnings: mentions of suicide, self-harm
summary: park jong-gil has been working for jumadeung for a very long time, he had his principles and was strict in following them. that was until you came along. you were part of the risk management team that he hated so much, but he couldn't help but become curious about you.
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he was feared and respected by all who worked in jumadeung. he was one the elite members, and he was known to be the most strict leader of the escort team. he portrayed no sympathy to the dead souls that are to be escorted, and he believed suicide is a murder. the biggest crime a person could commit against oneself. or so everyone thought. the number of suicide deaths were slowly but surely decreasing, thanks to the risk management team that are led by ko ryeon. he understood that deaths are increasing endlessly. but why would a person take such extreme measures only to feel the will to live after a few words of encouragement? it made his blood boil.
he wanted to avoid this team at all costs, but then you came along. you were young, full of empathy and love. joong-gil knew of the newbie that joined (through a course of unexpected events) and he found you quite annoying intriguing. when he heard about a suicide victim with a very high percentage on the red light app, he went to watch. he wanted to confirm his beliefs with his own eyes.
but when he reached there, he saw you talking to the writer, named eunbi, who was on the edge of the building. you were taking cautious steps towards her, trying to talk her out of it. how pathetic, he thought. but after looking again, he wasn't sure if those were the correct words to say. he was shocked to say the least. not because the writer jumped off, but because you jumped right after. you were reaching out to her, trying to hold her. you held her so tight, preparing for impact. can a reaper die? is what you thought as you waited for impact.
however, it never came. you never felt pain. on the contrary, you were feeling the air breeze softly kiss your skin. you looked up, and there he was. the seemingly heartless reaper, holding you in his arms. you couldn't keep in the shocked expression, neither can he. you then frantically looked around for eunbi. she was laying on the ground. no...did she die? "she's not dead." you heard a deep voice say.
he was still holding you, staring at you with his dark black eyes. "what? what..happened?" "i think i should be the one asking that?" you could hear the disbelief in his voice. why am i holding this woman?.."are you out of your damn mind?" he threw you on the ground. you grunted. "why would you jump after her? were you trying to die with her ?! you're insane?!! " you were taken aback by what he said, and before you know it – tears started forming. you tried to gulp down the lump in your throat, you didn't want to break down infront of him. he wouldn't understand anyways. the other team members catch up to you, checking if you're okay. you stand up, looking at joong-gil one more time before walking away from the scene, with your head hung low.
a few days had passed. he didn't know if it was the tears you were holding in, or the look in your eyes, but jong-gil found himself thinking about you more than he'd like to admit. he wondered why the pain behind your expression is imprinted in his mind. but he had work to do. shaking thoughts about you away, he got to work. he was going to catch a well-known mafia, and he knew it was going to be a tough one. he prepared backup and left. after a few fists and punches, he found himself on the ground, in pain. he had been stabbed. the mafia was injured too. he was strong. and he knew that he should have planned this more carefully, because he's in a bit of a trouble now.
the mafia got up, took out a knife and was headed towards joong-gil. but before he could do so, a hand yanked the knife away from his hand. Joong-gil looked up, only to find you standing infront of him, wrestling the weapons off the mafia. after a few punches here and there, you knocked him out. breathing heavily, you looked at joong-gil. you immediately noticed his abdominal injury.
you find a piece of cloth and walk up to him. "what do you think you're doing here?" he hissed in pain. "i don't think you're in the right state to be asking me that, i need your cooperation to stop the bleeding." he was reluctant but he obeyed. you tied the cloth around his injury, and put his arm around your shoulders, trying to pull him up with you. he grunted in pain as he stood up. "does it hurt alot..?" you looked at him, worried. worried?? why were you worried? joong-gil thought as he looked at you. maybe this is the way you are to everyone, he shouldn't get it confused.
"are you stalking me?" he said as you furrowed your eyebrows and moved your head slightly to look at him. "if you believe you're the center of the universe, you're mistaken" you scoffed. "then why are you here? helping me?" now your mind is blank. why did you save him? you were on a mission that happened to be near where the fight occurred. before you left, you heard grunting and breaking glass. as you came closer and saw who it was, your body started acting on your own.
..."because you're an important member in jumadeong. and it wouldn't benefit me to leave you to die here." he was staring at you with an expression you can't quite decipher — it was a mix of gratitude and playfulness — he wasn't used to getting help from others, especially not from the rm team. you finally reach jumadeung, but instead of leaving joong-gil to the guards there, you took him to the infirmary. "looks like only the mighty joong-gil got hurt today" you slightly giggled at this unusual scenario.
usually joong-gil would have a comeback ready, but this time all he did was stare. stare at you. why were you so kind to him when all he does is ridicule the rm team? there must be something wrong with you...was your death so horrible it messed up your brain even in the afterlife? well...he definitely guessed the first one right. "...can you stop rubbing it in my face, it's not like i jumped willingly off the roof-" shit. shitshitshit. "i didn't mean to-" he grunted as you threw him on the medical bed, turned around and left. he didn't realize that he said the last part out loud.
people in jumadeung ridiculed you for doing "too much" to suicidal people for as long as you can remember, but why do you feel your eyes burning with tears? why did that heartless leader have such an effect on you? you couldn't understand. you kept walking, almost sprinting, to get to the place you loved the most - a hidden roof garden that only you knew about (or so you think). you always went there when you needed to take a breather, and to let your tears fall down freely. as you opened the door to the garden, your tears rushed out of your (e/c) eyes, as you were unable to hold in your sobs. you cried your heart out, knowing well no one was there to see you.
but you were wrong. standing at the door, someone was holding onto to their heart, feeling immense pain. joong-gil felt like knives were stabbing at his heart, the air rush out of his lungs. he couldn't believe what he's seeing. that he was the reason that triggered it.
after a while, you had calmed down, your sobs turning into sniffles. you now noticed the spectacular view of the city, bright lights shining under you. you collected yourself, and realized that you had spent way more time than you should here, work isn't gonna work itself. joong-gil sensed that you were about to get up, and hid before you could see him. feeling pathetic for his cowardly action, he felt his eyes burning. me? crying? he didn't know his tear ducts were working at all, after too many years working in escorting the dead.
after that incident, joong-gil decided you were better off without him looming over you all the time. however, that's not how it was for you. what he said lingered, rather, took over your mind. you couldn't fathom why you wanted his understanding, why you wanted his dark eyes to look at you like you meant something to him. you decided to pile your desk with work to give no space for your racing thoughts.
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but to their dismay, they both couldn't stop thinking about the other, both throwing themselves at work, like they couldn't handle the life moving on around them.
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part 1 | part 2
