The actual issues I have managing teen volunteers: Child. Child, I just saw you eat that cantaloupe that is only for the turtles because someone said 'what fruit is that?'. The cantaloupe is stored in a dirty critter container and we've been sticking our salmonella covered turtle hands in there for a week, and you also just touched the turtles. Dear God. Please stop eating the cantaloupe.

What it's actually like: No, if you get rabies, you will die without the vaccine. No, you will not survive. No, you specifically will die. This is why we don't play with raccoons. Let's go learn to light matches