#parentssss

oh my god

i am sick of being told that since i have dietary restrictions i have to pay for food myself whilst i don't even have an income

plus my mom can't drive right now because she's going off seizure medications because she hasn't had one in like six years, and my dad complains and stews and pouts whenever we have to drive ANYWHERE because he hates traffic.

im just really tired of the only thing my parents care about is saving as much money as possible

yeah saving money is good and god knows i'm stingy as well, but come on, if you refuse to do anything that encourages family bonding and positivity jUST because maybe it costs a little money, then it's really out of control

my dad is so obsessed with paying off the mortgage on the house because he has this deep seated hatred of being in debt and this deep fear of being laid off because he's a government employee that all he does is dwell on how much he hates it and refuse to do anything fun (unless it's somethign HE wants to do)

for instance my dad spent $1k on a motorcycle that' despite being in really good shape is not in working order

he hasn't even fixed it yet because "i'll do that when the mortgage is paid off"

my parents have never spent $1000 on doing anything I wanted to do even if they thought it was something silly

ever.

That's always kind of pissed me off, because i imagine having kids and wondering, why the fuck if you loved your kid wouldn't you get joy out of buying them something/going somewhere with them and investing in one of their hobbies that gave them joy, even if you didn't get it? I'm pissed because if i made as much money as my dad did, i would be actually buying people presents because it gives me so much joy to see other people happy. And he just gives me this look like i'm being whiny if i say hey dad do you think you could get me this?

No because i need to learn to be responsible with my money and make my own way in the world

never mind the fact that over a year, i spend less than $400 on food, clothes, the occasional fun thing, gifts for other people, the occasional gift to charity, my bus fare, toiletries, acne medication, makeup, stuff like that. The internet I'm using right now? Thirty dollars a month out of my own bank account because they thought it was a waste of money.

i save my money because that's what my parents taught me and i still spend more on other people's birthday presents when i can afford to then my parents do on any of us kids.

My 22nd birthday was a mild affair, we went to santa barbara and had a nice lunch, but that was because we had to go to santa barbara anyway partially.

but in terms of actual gifts i got a dvd, some chocolate, and a $2.00 box of tea from my mom

i didn't get a single present from my dad.

apart from birthdays, i have never gotten a completely useless, selfless gift from my parents that they gave me just because they love me.

but my dad's bought motorcycles, pocketknives, a new rifle for $300 that he hasn't even used yet (oh he say's he'll take us to the shooting range "when the mortgage is paid off" --my dad's really not a scary person; he thinks firearms are cool but would never hurt a living soul, he's just a skinny average height guy, and he makes sure that everything is tightly locked up and that we kids know how to use and handle one safely, which i really admire, but this has turned into a huge tangent), etc etc etc

but yeah he gets stuff and then doesn't even enjoy using them.

and he loves biking, so he had this big thing about how he would literally spend money on a trip to europe if it was us biking across the country

i don't like biking in the slightest and i am terribly out of shape, so this seems awful to me

but no if we want to go and not bike he's not interested.

ugh i am just so frustrated with my parents right now i mean i feel guilty asking my dad to drive me to the pharmacy to pick up refills for my meds and they make me feel guilty for not being able to pay the FIVE DOLLARS they cost under our insurance, and sometimes i have to go a day without because he's too bitchy to want to drive LITERALLY ONE MILE on a day when he's gotten home from a long day of work.

and i absolutely hate conflict it makes me super depressed which is why i just take all this silently, because if i complained i'd get the speech of how we do so much for you, be grateful there's a roof over your head and you don't have to pay for your own food (even thought they get what they want at the grocery store, not what I want. If i want a kind of food at the grocery store and my dad or mom don't really like it, they think it's a waste of money. And then my dad will buy a pack of tecate beer for $20 and five things of soda and my mom will buy a thing of beef for $12 when the thing i wanted was literally two or three dollars.

I really try to be grateful because i'm legal now and they could kick me out, and if they did that i would be homeless and probably would've jumped off a bridge by now.

But then i think about the people i really love, like my friends i made at biola and on here and my siblings and i just

i would never treat them the way my parents treat me, and if i did i would consider myself a selfish asshole