#parentsoflgbtq

“Ex-gay”. I don’t even know where to begin with this concept. Is a gay person an “Ex-straight”?  It is a group or movement that I’ve always chosen to simply ignore. But we can’t really do that as long as they are still active in our world.  I tend to take it lightly because I’m at a distance from them. I would also ignore groups called: “Ex-lefthander”, “Ex-white",  if they were to exist- the list is endless.  So this post is dedicated to introducing the ex-gay or “reparative” movement and then, like cockroaches, let them scurry back under the fridge when we turn on the lights.

Basically, this type of ‘Treatment” involves taking someone who has same-sex attractions and eliminating them. Turning them into opposite-sex attractions.  There are many ways this has been attempted from something as simple as counseling, to the very dramatic electro-shock therapy. The basic concept of Behaviorism of stamping out an unwanted  behavior by pairing it with a painful stimulus. Thus, for example, a gay man may have his genitals wired and then have him shown provocative pictures of naked men. If he becomes sexually aroused, he receives a shock. This is repeated until the sight of a naked man no longer excites him, rather, would terrify him. For anyone who has taken a general psychology course, imagine “Little Albert” as the gay man, and the white rabbit as the  naked male model. But instead of the metal bars clanging behind the baby’s head, his penis is subjected to electro-shock. A rather simple form of torture. There are less dramatic types of aversion therapy but they all have the same goal. To stamp out the same-sex desire from the subject.

This may be done though counseling where gay, lesbian, or bisexual people talk though their problems to find what CAUSED them to choose this “unnatural path”. Perhaps if they can get to the root of the “gay” they can “fix” it.  Some people believe that GLB people were victims of sexual abuse and that is why that have chosen to be GLB. Or that they had mommy or daddy issues. We can thank our old friend Dr. Freud for those outdated ideas. I don’t even believe that Freud saw homosexuality in that way, and I am confident he wouldn’t if he were alive today. But a little knowledge can do a lot of harm.

Some people may be encouraged to enter an opposite-sex relationship, perhaps even marry and have kids. Now we’ve set up a scenario where not only are the  GLB people victims, but they have brought others into the picture to suffer along with them when the day comes that they reach self-acceptance.

Why would anyone go though reparative therapy  or “SOCE” (Sexual Orientation Change Efforts), when the American Psychological Association (APA) has stated that: ”Same-sex sexual attractions, behavior, and orientations per se are normal and positive variants of human sexuality—in other words, they do not indicate either mental or developmental disorders.”  They go on to call these SOCE tactics harmful and could result in depression, loss of sexual feelings, and increased risk for suicide.

The APA does discuss, in the above referenced document, clients who seek counseling due to what is called “minority stress”. The stress that comes from being a member of a minority. This is hard for me to understand. I understand the stress of being a minority, I am a Jewish, feminist, vegetarian in the Bible Belt of hog country America- but I can’t really imagine going for counseling to change myself to suit the majority. But I digress. Some people suffer from self-loathing when they realize they are queer, having been taught that it is wrong or that they are doomed to hell. More commonly, and more dangerously, parents try to "fix" their children thinking they will give them a better chance at a happy life.

The APA stated in that the studies being touted as “cures” for homosexuality are not considered scientifically valid, do not meet the methodological standards of good science, nor do they meet standards of basic safety for the clients.  When looking at studies done with children and adolescents, they found increases of felt-stigma, shame, isolation, rejection from family and community, and increased minority stress. No evidence has been found to support therapeutic “success” at turning pre-gay or trans kids straight or cis-gender. 

  As an academic psychologist, the findings of the APA, along with all of the other information available makes this topic one I prefer to avoid in its entirety. But it is not one that PFLAG or other allies can ignore. The reason is because these groups are still out their preying on our family and loved ones. Offering them either “hope” they could change, if they themselves are not comfortable with their sexual orientation due to religious or other reasons, or hope for their family who do not want a queer child. We should be working to stamp out homophobia and transphobia, working fix the haters not change their victims.

I do not feel that we can stand up to the Christian right fundamentalists on this simply because they will wave their Bibles and shout things at us. So I’m simply writing this entry for anyone with an open mind who wants to hear what DAMANGE they are risking for themselves or their loved ones in giving credence to these “ex-gay”  groups. There is a lot out there on the “failure rate” of people who CLAIM to have been “healed” only to return to their former sexual orientation, one may say, to their true selves.

The best I think I can do is give you resources and ask that if you are considering this road for yourself or anyone else, PLEASE stop and take a close look at what people who have survived this have to say. If you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, pansexual, intersexed, asexual or (an inside Doctor Who/Torchwood reference here) Omnisexual, YOU ARE NOT BROKEN. You do NOT need to be REPAIRED. You are the way you were meant to be. Love yourself, love your children, love your friends. Accept and love them, stop worrying about them being broken, don’t try to fix them.

Would you rather have a happy gay son or a dead one? For many of you reading this: that is your choice.

“Ex-Gay Ministries and “Reparative Therapy” by PFLAG

Beyond Ex-Gay

Ex-Gay Movement (wikiapedia)

Facts about changing sexual orientation from UC Davis

Ex-Gay Watch

Reparative Therapy: A Pseudoscience

Fish Can’t Fly : are people born gay? Can gay people be cured?

Safe-Schools Coalition on “Ex-Gay”

What leads gay, straight teens to attempt suicide? click to read article.

Abstract from the original study by the Am. Academy of Pediatrics