All those "this is abusive" lists make many valid points, but there's one I'd like to dispute: the one about how it's abusive to tell a crying child to stop. Sure, sometimes when children cry, it's because they're sad or scared or tired or any of the other valid reasons to cry. But some children also cry instead of throwing a classic tantrum. Mine does. I might deny the request for a cookie, and the kid cries like it had lost its parents and were all alone in the world... In such a situation, I don't validate the crying. I ignore it, or even tell the kid to stop. It is admittedly tricky to distinguish between crying-for-a-reason and crying-instead-of-kicking-and-screaming. At least there's some feedback in how the kid reacts to my reaction. If the tears are for a reason and I tell the kid to stop, or if it's a crying tantrum and I try to give comfort, the crying goes on and on. When I get it right, consoling when the kid cries for a reason but say "stop it" to a crying tantrum, the kid calms down pretty quickly. Judging on that metric, I get it right maybe 80% of the time. And judging on what a happy, trusting and inquisitive child my toddler is, 80% is good enough.

AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!