Hey, how would you comfort a parent/loved one who’s worrying about their parent dying? Or who’s worrying about death in general because they’re getting older? Or what would you say? If you have time to answer this, could you tag this with the ❤️ emoji so I can find it... thank you
Hi darling,
I think it’s really sweet you want to help someone you care about so much! The worry of someone dying can be tough to bear, and comfort is always welcome. Something that I think is always helpful is to let them know you’re there for them and that they can talk to you when they’d like to. Another reminder that can be good to have is that their parent has lived a long life, and it’s okay. Yes, it hurts and it’s so painful. They don’t want their parent to die. But they also don’t want their parent to suffer, which when someone grows old becomes more likely. Having the reminder that their parent has lived a beautiful and long life can help to get closer to accepting that it’s okay if they pass away. This stage of acceptance might not be reached soon, might not be reached before their parent passes away, but that’s okay. Any tiny step in that direction can help already.
If a parent dies, this can leave quite a lot of things to be sorted out. Finances, housing, inheritance, etc. There are people who can help out with this, and I think it’s wise to accept this help. The time right after they pass away is such a difficult time already, all the help is welcome. Maybe this is something you can talk to your parent about already, so that it’s something you won’t have to arrange if the time comes, but it’s something you’ve prepared beforehand already. You’ll know who to contact, how it all works, etc. Preparing these practical things can give more space to deal with the emotional side of it all. I know that if I leave practical things unsorted, I won’t be able to face the emotional side at all.
Worrying about death in general is completely understandable, as death is a scary concept. However, it isn’t helpful because those worries really don’t bring us anything. We don’t know what it’s like, when it’ll come, how it’ll happen, etc. There are many questions left unanswered, which makes it all really scary. Keeping this in mind, I think we can draw the conclusion that worrying about it all won’t get us further. So then we can try to shift our perspective. Rather than worrying about death, see if we can make the most out of our life right now. Fear of death often is accompanied by the fear of not having made the most out of it or not having done what we wanted to. So if we live by the motto that we’re doing the most we can, this fear can hopefully settle a little.
Grief is tough. And I think the anticipation of loss or death can be some kind of ‘preview’ of grief; very similar to the grieving process itself. We have a page on grief here and a video here, so you might find it helpful to look through those. Grief is different for everyone, and therefore there isn’t really something specific I can say that will definitely help. Support in general is great already, but when it comes to more specific help, I think it’s more about trying out some things and getting feedback on whether it’s helpful or not.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t give more specific advice! If you want to talk things more through, I’m more than happy to as grief is a topic close to my heart. So let me know okay?
Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard.
Keep fighting beautiful <3 Love Pauline
