#pardis a.

I am learning softly how not to become undone by change. To anticipate it. To crave it. To allow it to contour my body. Shape me into a person who is always becoming and is not reduced to fear by it.

you will only get one chance to break my heart. and when it is done. and I have left you. with our memories tucked in my back pocket. with my pieces glued thinly together again. you will reminisce and wish you had softer hands for handling me.

how many women

turn my body into an altar. show me how you worship. speak god into my skin. drape me in your holiness. adorn me with your unending light. make tiny miracles out of the water of me. drink me into drunkenness because I have fermented sweet on your tongue. love me so loudly that the ecstacy I feel before you leave me turns into gospel itself.

I cannot sleep or drink you away. You are written on my skin and over my heart. You cannot be undone.

I have been healing myself to meet her. I want to be bandaged. Salved. Prayed onto before I experience love like this again. I cannot present her with a mangled heart. I will not love her with wounds uncared for. I will not love her with the contempt of someone else's mistakes still rooted inside me. We both deserve better.

The older I get, the more I value kindness. I want friends who smile at strangers. I want friends who stop back-talking. I want friends who pray for my success. Because no matter how seemingly inspirational someone may be, how smart, how successful, it will never compare to words of consolation at the end of a long day, the warmth of a hug on a cold one, or a shared laugh when it feels like only despair knows your lips. I want to be kind. Utterly kind. And attract kindness. And melt the ice of this world that has made frozen shackles trapping us away from our fundamental humanness and each other.

I love how you love. Delicately, as if we have an eternity to unfold eachother, and then with an urgency that says, 'if I do not kiss you right now, the world will end'. I am keen to provide whatever your heart demands. I would let you swallow me whole.