Robbe loves the way Sander kisses him, as if he’s always underwater and Robbe is his air, his shore.
That’s how he feels about Sander. It’s a need that sometimes scares him but that also fills him up, makes him feel alive and whole.
It still amazes him that Sander fell for him before he even knew he existed. That he kept that picture of Robbe from that night that feels like it happened a lifetime ago. So much is different now although it hasn’t even been a year, yet. Robbe has never felt this way before, is pretty sure he will never feel this way about anyone else. And he knows that even though they are young, he has found something that feels like forever with Sander, that feels like a home he’s never known.
When his mind goes there he can’t help but reach out and pull Sander close, kiss him until they are both breathless and needy with desire.
And they are still very affectionate in public, even after everything that happened.
They’ve talked about the attack with their therapists and with each other, but sometimes it is difficult for Sander to discuss it, so Robbe doesn’t push.
Robbe reported the hate crime, and the police have some leads. His friends and flatmates all rallied around them. He’s ready to do everything he can to make sure their attackers are captured and sentenced.
And, yeah, he and Sander are more cautious, more aware, when they are affectionate in public, and he hates that they have to be, but they won’t let the assholes win. They fought too hard and went through so much to be together. He kisses and loves on his boyfriend when and where he wants to, out and free, and Sander does the same.
Robbe feels more comfortable when they’re with friends, but sometimes that backfires.
Like the time when they were at a house party with Moyo, Jens and Jana, and Sander pulled Robbe into his lap and started kissing him. Sander knew that although Moyo was making some effort, he still seemed bothered by their PDA at times.
It was too late before Robbe realized Sander was looking at Moyo, teasing him, as he smiled into the kiss.
Moyo noticed and said he hated them, but he laughed and shook his head as he left to grab another beer.
In Moyo’s defense, the week before, someone had hurled a nasty slur at him and Sander as they held hands on their way to grab something to eat with the Broers. They had to stop Moyo from going after the jerk. And yet, there’s still an awkwardness between Robbe and Moyo...and Robbe can admit, some pain, and he wonders if that can ever be fully healed.
But Sander’s kiss at the party had really turned Robbe on, so he pushed thoughts of Moyo to the back of his brain to dissect later, extricated himself from his boyfriend’s arms and lap, and grabbed and tugged Sander up and toward the back of the house so they could quickly find an empty room to make out in.
He saw Jens from the corner of his eye talking to Jana. Jens gave him a knowing, smirky grin. His friend knew how gone they still were for each other even after almost six months of dating.
They made out the rest of that night. Jens had to find them to let them know the party was ending.
Robbe wanted to remove the shit-eating grin from Jens’s face.
Robbe loves that Jens and Sander get along really well.
Except they have this playful, jealousy thing going on that makes Robbe want to crawl in a hole sometimes.
Like the time at the park when Robbe was sitting close to Jens watching the latest Broers vlog.
Sander had sat decidedly between them, pushing Jens over with his body and nearly making Jens fall off the bench. He then proceeded to kiss Robbe so passionately it had made Robbe blush.
Jens had just laughed out loud and told Robbe he’d see him later...at his house...and that he’d be making the best croques ever for him.
Robbe nearly choked on his own spit, but Sander only chuckled as he playfully pointed his middle finger at Jens.
Later that evening, Robbe got a call from the police. They said they would need them both to come down to the station later that week. The officer had been kind, told him they thought they were really close to identifying all of their attackers.
After the call, he noticed that Sander was on edge again, so he rubbed and massaged his shoulders, smoothed his hair from his forehead, made soft little hearts and circles on his back. Sander eased back into his touch, looked at him as if he had a million things running through his head. Sander had struggled to say something, but Robbe had softly shushed him. Sander gently smiled at him, laced his fingers with Robbe’s, and relaxed into his arms again.
Robbe wished he could fix everything for Sander, but he knew he couldn’t. But he could be there, love him fully and unconditionally, let him know he never had to go through anything alone, again.
They were just a few weeks away from their six month anniversary and he had plans. And as Sander kissed him (and before everything turned to heat and need in his brain), Robbe smiled and thought of those plans and the seaside where they first met.
