Once upon a time, there was a panattoni. That panattoni was very self conscious; it was afraid it had too many pieces of dried fruit. Although the panattoni was insecure, he was content with life, though that doesn't mean he didn't have problems. There was this mean, green lumpy panattoni. Normal panattoni didn't like mean, green lumpy panattoni because he was a bully! In fact, he was an asshole. 98% ass, 2% hole, 100% green and lumpy. One day, mean, green lumpy panattoni tried to push panattoni into an oven. He barely escaped with his life! It was just as he was descending into the fiery abyss that a beautiful panattoni came to his rescue. He lost a few fruit chunks in his attempt to escape. Though karma caught up to mean, green, lumpy panattoni. He fell into the oven himself and was never seen again. After panattoni was safely perched upon the counter he looked at his saviour. She was beautiful. She was none other than the luscious lady panattoni. He asked her to be his wife. They had their wedding and lived happily ever after with their two children, panatteeny and panattiny. When panatteeny and panattiny went to college, panattoni and lady panattoni got lonely. To recuperate for their loneliness, they adopted a child named Pompeii. They all lived a long and happy life, and panattoni was forever known as the panattoni who lived.
