Before Sarah dies the colors are a lot warmer, a lot “kinder”, almost

But when she dies, and it transitions to present day, the colors get colder. More stark.

But Ellie’s colors are warm

And you see that contrast…

…then you see their color schemes come together

I’m so glad they didn’t equate being nineteen to “is a full grown adult who acts like a 30-year-old”. I’m so glad they let her be messy and chaotic and goofy and still a fucking teenager. A more mature teenager, but still a teenager. And the way they’re dealing with the firefly stuff is just perfect.

She’s bitter about the hospital and the fireflies. She’s pissed, and that scene with Tommy was just such a perfect way to get in her headspace surrounding that. I’m immune. I’m fucking immune, so why can’t you just let me be important? Why can’t you let me do what I’m supposed to?

She was so traumatized, but she convinced herself herself that the cure would make it “worth it”, that because of it she mattered, and we see how because that belief never came to fruition it’s started to leak out into her life. She’s being reckless and putting herself in danger, she’s hurting herself, she’s putting herself in danger because she feels like, without the cure, she isn’t “worth it”.

And her relationship with Joel is so tragic, it’s tearing me apart, but it’s just executed so perfectly. She doesn’t hate him. She can’t hate him, because he’s her safety. She’ll ice him out and move to the front yard, but she still cares for him so much she can’t truly leave. Not when he’s her person.

And Bella Ramsey is just pitch perfect. Seriously already such a phenomenal performance.

She still wants to help kids. She still wants to spare innocents. She still wants to make Joel proud. But she fails. She doesn’t get her grand vengeance, she doesn’t get to be the good guy, the righteous guy. She was so sure she was justified, she was right, but in the finale we finally see all of it crumbling down. Instead, she gets someone close to her killed. Instead, her vengeance does nothing but hurt people.

She isn’t a ruthless killer. She’s a kid in way over her head. And we see that sometimes the world isn’t like a movie, sometimes being determined isn’t enough.

Right now Ellie’s on her justice quest with her new girlfriend and yeah she’s fucked up, but we’re not past the point of no return. That’s literally the point, she isn’t intrinsically, irreversibly, irrevocably broken. Something inside her dies with Joel, and she’ll never be the same, but she’s not suddenly a lost cause. She’s not suddenly, like Gail believes, unable to be saved. That’s the whole point of the story; how she’s tearing herself apart with the her quest for revenge and how eventually she lets it go. If she were nothing but full of hate, the arc wouldn’t work. It wouldn’t be a good story if we stay in the exact same emotional state the whole time. We’ll see her at her worst when we get to the actual revenge part, which hasn’t happened yet. We’re very clearly seeing the buildup and how she’s pushing down her emotions. Very soon we’ll see her explode, but right now we’re still in the rising tension faze.

I just finished a rewatch, and am an absolute mess, but anyway…

I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen such a brilliant, emotionally-affecting episode. Every single aspect of it was a level of phenomenal that is near-fucking-impossible. Bella and Pedro are indescribable. Ksenia Sereda once again creates beauty. The writers created such a thematic and perfect episode.

The way it charts their lives, how they fall apart and back together. How Joel loves Ellie with everything he has. How they’re everything to each other. How he isn’t perfect, but he cares for her so deeply and so profoundly. How he wants to be better than his father, and Ellie to be better than him. How their love is so unconditional, so never-ending.

It’s beautiful. It’s my new favorite exploration of generational trauma and unconditional love (sorry, EEAAO). It’s profound and tragic and heartwarming and heart-wrenching. It’s emotional and ingenious. It’s so sweet and tender and human.

It’s the kind of episode that puts TLOU a step above the rest. That’s so unique to a show. A charting of a relationship, a love song, a funeral dirge. Seeing the ugliness in the world, in people, but loving anyway. Caring anyway.

This episode hurt my heart. Then it healed it.