#p067

Elliott wanted to say that they hadn’t been aware of it, until the Quidditch World Cup. They wanted to say that it was a new development, or one that they’d been aware of over the past few months. But it had been nagging at them for a year. It had begun about the time that they’d had to watch James, after Lily had been taken. But at least then, it had been manageable. Avoidable. They’d been able to work with it as a part of their life up until December or so. December, when Umbra had begun, and they’d begun prioritizing little things. Putting James and Quinn, and the war that had only just begun nudging at their awareness into focus above their other relationships. That had been when Elliott began to realize their issues with trust, no matter the issue at hand. 

Small things still, but that were decidedly a problem all the same. They’d noticed things were different for them, and were changing still. Had Daniel not acted as he had, Elliott knew they would have ended the relationship at some point. And maybe they’d played a part in it anyways. But still, Elliott had been at least trying to work through them. Keep the people they trusted close, and all other relationships superficial and light. Don’t let people in too far, unless it was James or Quinn. And then, for too many things- it had just been James. And then, Rachel had come into the picture.

Rachel who’d changed everything, and nothing at all. Who’d made Elliott want to protect her, no matter the close to their relationship. Who Elliott had been steadfast in keeping everything from- until Umbra had chosen her to be a part of them. It should have been easy after that, to let her in. It should have been second nature.

And yet there were too many secrets. There were too many things that Elliott couldn’t tell her. Things they knew they should, things that they wanted to tell her, relating to the war, their own mental state, their fears and worries and the fact that though WADA was still the dream, Elliott didn’t know if it would stay that way. She would understand and listen, if they told her. And yet, they didn’t. Felt that they couldn’t, really. She’d known that something had happened at the cup. Had called Elliott out on it. And Elliott had lied, and deflected until she believed them. Had covered the damage to their arm with carefully placed Charms, and still kept the faint scarring of the burns masked under Charms and layers.

Really, that was the sign that something had to give. That Elliott had gotten hurt, and told no one about it. So that had led to the past few weeks of being too quiet, happy on the surface but thinking, always thinking. There had been a lot of talking to Mercury, and too much time spent as a fox, because those things were easy, and those things made sense. They hadn’t even been able to tell James what they were feeling, which said enough.