why donât you just break my heart?
Cole: The day had been long and with no knowing when they'd be going back to work, Cole had mostly spent the day at home, trying to finish up some emails and work he needed to do before the weekend. Due to Covid testing not being back in time, they'd had a few days off and it had almost felt like being back on hiatus except they were in Vancouver. They couldn't travel and they didn't have to film, work was mostly scarce bar the things they could do over the phone or via email and so there hadn't been a whole lot to do. He and Lili had been texting one another which wasn't an unusual occurence and Cole actually found almost comforting. Since coming back to Vancouver they'd kept in pretty good contact and he was grateful. They hadn't talked at all over the hiatus and it was nice to feel like they were getting back into the groove of being friends and actually being able to act on that rather than just telling one another that when they talked. It was always easy to promise things like that but to be able to do it was nice too. When Lili asked if he was doing anything, Cole told her no. It was the truth and it'd be nice to have something to do on a Friday night rather than spend it with his nintendo switch. Getting somewhat dressed up, he slipped on some jeans and a button down shirt, tied his bandana around his neck and locked his door once he left the apartment. He stopped in to grab a bottle of wine, just to be a nice guest and made his way to Lili's apartment, knocking on the door when he finally arrived.
Lili wasn't sure what she was doing. Yes, she wanted her friendship with Cole to be steady but she also wanted it to be /healthy/. Having little to no contact with him after their breakup had been difficult, but needed. Lili was a clinger. She was a romantic. She hung onto things well after they were finished and then it became just that much harder to let go. He'd always be in her life because..well, he was just that person to her, but they had to find new ways they fit into each others lives. He said it himself - he couldn't be /that/ Cole for her anymore and Lili really took that to heart. With panic attacks, she stopped calling him. When she missed him, she wrote poetry. She was trying her hardest to find healthy ways to deal with not being over him and constantly spending time with him couldn't be the answer.
But..she was weak sometimes. She missed him. She missed watching dumb TV with him just to hear his sarcastic commentary. She missed talking to him, Cole always being so insightful with the answers he gave her. She missed his smile. His laugh. Just the mere presence of him next to her could be as addictive as any other drug. So sometimes she caved and asked him to come over and pretended like it wasn't a really bad decision. Like tonight. As soon as she heard a knock, Lili got up off her couch and walked to her front door to open it. "Hey," she greeted him and raised a brow. "Wine. Nice. I almost wish I had some cheese now and we could have a real party. Come in."
Cole: "Hey" Cole greeted Lili with a smile, stepping inside when she opened the door for him, "I nearly brought some but I wasn't sure if we were going for a charcuterie kind of night or a take out kind of night so I just went with the red, although I don't know whether or not Chinese food and wine is an award winning combination" Cole made his way into the kitchen, moving around as if he knew his way around although he hadn't been there too many times before. He managed to pull the cork from the bottle, grabbing two glasses and pouring some wine into them. Despite the tumultuous relationship he and Lili had, it was easy to feel comfortable with and around Lili and it felt at least like they were getting back to some sort of normalcy now that they were in constant contact with one another again. "So'd you have a good day? Feels kind of strange being here and not being able to work"
Lili shrugged her shoulders. "I've had worse food combinations." Chinese and wine sounded perfectly delicious to her. She followed him into her kitchen and grabbed some forks, figuring they'd eat straight out of the carton and then motioned him to follow her to her living room. Like the true lazy girl she was, Lili had bought fold out dinner stands so that she could rest her food on them while she sat on her couch and watched TV. The less work she had to do, the better. She took the glass of wine Cole offered to her and took a healthy swig, already relishing how it relaxed her. "Yeah. I mean, I think this is the new normal for now. Plus, it gives me time to do all my press for Swimming Lessons and still have time to relax." In the past, doing Riverdale and also doing promo work for other projects had been exhausting. Not having to film meant she got a chance to catch up on sleep and focus on herself. "I'd ask how you're doing but I feel like I can predict you're playing Animal Crossing and watching anime." She gave him a playful grin, taking a bite of her food.
Cole: "I'm sure you have, I think people in LA really like to eat some weird food combinations, especially the health nuts" There was always some kind of new diet or food fad going on over there and while Cole was a pretty adventurous eater he had never been one to give into any of the weird crazes like putting grass in your smoothies or anything like that. Thankfully Lili hadn't been either and she had been pretty easy to take out. Cole followed Lili back to the couch, sipping from his own glass of wine and taking the seat opposite her. "Yeah, I think we have to sort of expect this a few times during the season now. They have to prioritise the schools and such. Lucky it lines up with your book release. How'd it go?" Cole had been with Lili through all the initial stages of the book release and even when she'd been deciding which sort of project to take on and now that they weren't dating, he hadn't been keeping up with all of that as much as he could have. He knew lots of people were speculating about who some of the poems had been about but he'd read the book before and had enjoyed them all regardless.
Lili "It's going amazing." Lili couldn't help herself for having a prideful glow about her. She had put so much of her heart and soul into her writing and to see it well received, it was a dream. She was ignoring all of the trolls and the critics, only focusing on the positive feedback and relishing that people were connecting to her. She was more than just Betty Cooper and she was happy her fans were starting to see that. "I'm already working on a new book. I've got over a hundred poems saved, so now I just have to sort through them and figure out which ones I want to publish." Quarantine and hiatus had been chock full of Lili scribbling down all her thoughts and feelings. She took another bite of food, another drink of wine, and then swallowed. "Some..some of the poems will be about you, though. I mean, some were in this book but..you saw those. I hope it's okay." Lili wasn't exactly asking Cole for his permission for her to share her feelings but it wouldn't be decent of her to not give him some kind of fair warning.
Cole: Eating some more of his food, Cole was happy to just listen to Lili talk. She definitely seemed happier and more sure of herself at the moment and it was really nice to see. "That's great, I'm sure everyone will love the new book just as much as they loved the last one" It was good that Lili had had something productive to be able to put her mind to during quarantine and he wasn't surprised to hear that she'd written some more poems about him. Taking a sip of his wine, Cole replied "I expected nothing less" he told her with a smile. "And I'm sure they're just as beautiful and profound as all the other poems you've written" Finishing up with his food, Cole picked up the containers when Lili was also done and took them to the kitchen to clear them away. "I saw Bentley yesterday. He flew us to a shoot and got demoted to sitting in the back"
Lili hadn't expected anything less from Cole but she was still grateful that he gave her his blessing. It was one less thing she'd have to worry about. She never wanted to make Cole a villain because as betrayed as she still felt sometimes, he wasn't one. He hadn't intentionally broken her heart or relished in her pain - they both got hurt. It was something that just happened, a possible effect from their relationship falling apart. "Thank you," she told him softly and gave him a small smile. It meant a lot to her, still, when he complimented her art. She turned her attention back to her food and rooted around for her remote, finding it and turning on Netflix. She pressed play on some random show she had been watching just for background noise and after she finished her food, watched as Cole cleaned up. He probably wasn't even aware that this was what they had done in the past and how natural this routine still seemed. She bit her lip and tried to distract herself from the memories by listening to him. "Oh yeah? And how is your nephew? Or is he your son? I can never tell," she chuckled. She missed Bentley, and couldn't wait for her chance to see him.
Cole: "Of course" It all felt very domesticated, making sure the kitchen was clean and loading the dishwasher with what he could. Once he was finished, he brought the bottle of wine back down the couch, settling in comfortably on the opposite side to Lili. "Nephew, I feel like UncCole as a name fits me a lot better than Dad" There had been a time while he and Lili were dating that he'd briefly considered that being called the latter word by a tiny human being might not have been the worst thing in the world but once he and Lili had broken up, all of those thoughts had just silently slipped away along with all the plans and dreams of a future with her. "He's good, his leg's doing a lot better than it was at the start of the year and he was pretty happy to be out and about, same with Bradley. It was a nice day out too, a little windy but still nice, made for a good photoshoot at least"
Lili "That's good." Lili knew just how much Bentley meant to Cole and the happiness that bulldog brought him so she was glad he had gotten to see him. Drinking from her wine glass, Lili looked over at Cole. The silence now wasn't exactly comfortable but it wasn't /uncomfortable/ either. They were just trying to find that middle ground. They were doing much better than they had in the past month - at least there was no more crying or yelling, but they had a long way to go before they were back to even how close they used to be starting out on the show. They'd get there, Lili would make sure of it. "So," she broke the silence and reached over to pat Cole's knee. "What am I putting on to watch while we're getting wine happy?"
Cole: "Yeah, it was nice to see them again" Seeing Bentley was just one of the things that made coming back to Vancouver so welcoming, there was a lot of little things that made the city feel so home-like and the bulldog was definitely one of them. Getting comfortable, Cole took another sip of his wine, moving his arm to rest on the back of the couch before focusing back on Lili and what she was saying. "Uhhh whatever you like, put on something halloween-y if you want. Oh! You know that skeleton movie? The one with the make-up that you did? You remember the first halloween we did together and you painted my face? The Skeleton King or whatever his name is?" Cole was trying to explain it to Lili but he wasn't entirely sure that it was working. "I can't remember the name but we should watch that one. I still haven't seen it and I feel like I have to watch it since theres a picture on the internet with that on my face"
Lili sat, amused, as she watched Cole try to piece together the Halloween movie that had inspired their makeup years ago. She was baffled as to how he could've avoided seeing it all this time. "How did we date and you never once watched A Nightmare Before Christmas?" She asked slowly, shaking her head and widening her eyes. "This is a travesty and must be fixed." It was a classic. She navigated out of Netflix and put on Disney+, going to their Halloween category and pressing play. It was always her first choice once October rolled around and she had seen it twice already, but the third time was the charm. "His name is Jack, by the way. Jack The Skeleton King." Lili still shook her head before she sat up straight, eyes wide. "Are you going to let me put makeup on you again this year? Oh my God, Cole, /please/."
Cole: âI donât know! You always used to sing that song from it and itâd always be stuck in my head but thatâs all I remember to be honestâ Cole knew that it was one of Liliâs most loved movies and he wasnât sure why he hadnât seen it before, especially since it seemed to be a Disney classic. At least they could watch it now since something gory and horror like wasnât really anything Cole was interested in watching at the moment. Heâd do that closer to actual halloween to really try and get in the spirit. âUhhh maybe? I havenât figured out my costume yet so Iâm open to ideas if you have any good ones. Iâm not sure whether weâre working but weâll probably do a cast thing like usual anywaysâ
Lili couldn't help but clap her hands excitedly. The more wine she drank and the more her and Cole talked, the more it felt like old times. "I don't know my costume either," she shrugged her shoulders after taking another sip of her liquor. "I don't think any of us will be going out or there'll be any parties, unless we're all together." Lili loved Halloween so it was depressing to think that she couldn't get into the spirit this year, but safety trumped everything. A Halloween party with the cast would be the next best thing to going out to another party, probably even better since she was more comfortable with her group of friends than with strangers. "Ooh, here's the song." Cole probably meant Sally's Song, but Lili also loved This Is Halloween. She leaned across him and turned up the volume, biting her lip as the drink in her hand sloshed over the rim and got onto his shirt. "Oh, shit. I'm sorry."
Cole: âYeah weâll definitely have to organise our own little gathering if we want to do something but at least itâll just be us thenâ Which was kind of nice if Cole really thought about it. A small amount of people and nobody else itâd be quiet and private which was just what Cole wanted. He wasnât paying attention when Lili spilt the wine, just felt the liquid seeping into his white button down. âItâs alright donât apologiseâ He shrugged it off, immediately slipping it over his head and getting up, âIâll just stick in the washer and then dry itâ he told her, making his way to put the shirt in the washing machine and then coming back. Heâd taken all his shirts back from Lili when they stopped dating so Cole was left shirtless but he knew Lili wouldnât care or he hoped she wouldnât. He sat back down, finishing the red wine in his own glass before setting it onto the coffee table.
Lili tried not to look over at Cole as he shrugged his shirt off, but was failing miserably. He had gotten more buff over quarantine - it felt like she had gained weight and he had gained muscle, where was the fairness in that? His arms were definitely stronger looking than they had been when they were dating and she watched as his biceps flexed as he raised his arms up. She stood up immediately as he sat down, feeling flushed. "Be right back," she murmured and moved past the washer that he had started. He /thought/ he had all of his shirts back - there was a light green one he had given her a few years ago, with the hole in the neck that she had kept and hidden deep in her drawer before sending all his shirts back. She pulled it out and dragged her fingers through the soft material before sighing and making her way back to the living room. "Here," she said softly. "I kept it because it smelled like you and I just missed..anyways, here." She handed him the shirt and let her fingers linger against his own, swallowing.
Cole: âOh thanksâ Cole replied, pulling on the green shirt Lili had handed to him. It was still just as soft as he remembered and it brought back lots of memories of lazy Sunday mornings, Cole cooking choc chip pancakes and brewing coffee while Lili sat at the island wearing his shirt. It had lots of good memories attached to it and he was grateful she still had it. He watched the movie for a little while, looking over to Lili every so often. She hadnât changed a bit over quarantine and Cole knew deep down his feelings for Lili hadnât changed as much as he hoped they had. Once the dryer went off, Cole swapped his shirt back over, sticking his green shirt in the wash. âYou can keep it. It looks better on youâ he told Lili truthfully, moving just a little closer to her. Her eyes had always lured Cole in and maybe that was what prompted him to kiss her, that or the alcohol that was currently flowing through his veins.
Lili "Mhm," Lili nodded and gave Cole a small smile. At least he wasn't freaked out by the fact that she had kept his shirt. Clearing her throat and moving her hand away from his, Lili sat back down on the couch and tried to pay attention to what was happening on screen but everything felt charged now. Maybe it was the soft way Cole was looking at her again, or how his leg pressed against hers, or the wine flush spreading across her cheeks. She didn't know but something felt changed. She finished up her wine, making the decision to not refill it, and finally looked over at Cole to see him staring back at her. She smiled at him and then jumped slightly at the sound of the washing machine beeping. "Thanks," she chuckled and reached her hand up to feel her heated cheeks. Whew - she needed to turn the AC up or something - and then her eyes widened as she saw how close Cole was to her. When he kissed her, she froze but it didn't take long to fall back into that familiar rhythm and she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. It felt wholly different and yet incredibly comforting all at the same time. Her fingers threaded through his long brown threads and she rested her forehead against his when they pulled back to get some air. "What are you doing?" She asked softly, not moving away from him.
Cole: Kissing Lili had always felt natural and this time was no different, it definitely felt like something had changed but not so much that all the feelings didnât rush back. He breathed softly when they parted and Cole answered Lili âTrying to make out with my ex girlfriend, is that alright with you?â He asked somewhat smugly and soon, his hand had found her neck and heâd pulled her close once more. She was like a fire, igniting everytime they kissed, always wanting more no matter where they were. Theyâd even gotten in trouble on set for making out once the directors had called cut occasionally. But now, Cole didnât want it to stop.
Lili rolled her eyes at Cole's response. Well, at least she could tell he wasn't drunk off his ass because that was /such/ a Cole line. "Shut up," she mumbled and pressed her hand against the back of his neck to bring him in for another kiss. Arousal pooled in her belly at the familiar feeling of him pressed up against her and even though warning bells were going off that this was a bad idea and she'd only get hurt later, she didn't want to stop. This was what she had been wanting, craving, missing all these months and now it was falling right in her lap. With a smile, Lili pulled back and ran her hands up Cole's chest to remove the shirt he had just put on. Her fingers explored the bare expanse of his skin she had been eyeing longingly just minutes before and she hooked her leg around his hip before jumping up fluidly, like she had so many times before. "Pause the movie and let's go to my room." She dragged her hand through his hair and smiled down at him, her heart pounding in anticipation before she dug her nails lightly into his back.
Cole: Immediately did as he was told, turning off the TV. The movie hasnât finished and he hadnât paused it either, just wanting to hurry up so he and Lili could continue. Lili had always been easy to carry and all it took was a hand around her waist and they were up and nearly at her bedroom, making sure to shut the door behind them. The bed felt like a fluffy cloud and Cole fell back towards it with a small âpodâ, his hands already working on her shirt.
Lili When Lili woke up the next morning, it was to find herself alone in her bed. She reached a hand out to see if Cole was there and sat up slowly, trying to see if she could hear any sounds of movement. No coffee machine. Not even the dryer humming. It felt just like old times, when they were sneaking around and he'd leave early so that Mads wouldn't find out they were sleeping together. Trying not to feel too disappointed, Lili pulled the covers to her chest and rested her forehead on her knees. Despite missing him being next to her, she couldn't help but smile. That had been..incredible. With all that built up tension, maybe in the top five of best sex they had ever had. Maybe things were turning around and they could work on..No, she couldn't get ahead of herself. One day at a time.
Cole: âCoffee?â Cole asked Elise, handing her a mug over the bench top. Her brunette locks were sprawled out and hanging loosely over the blue cardigan of Coleâs sheâd put on when they got up. He set about getting things ready for making breakfast and was mostly lost in his own world thinking about last night. Cole had fallen asleep entangled in Lili and when heâd woken up only an hour later, guilt had immediately crept in. He knew a lot of his confidence had come from the wine but Cole knew they couldnât have a repeat. Their split had ended mutually but Cole knew he was the reason Lili had been so upset. The elevator incident and a lot of other things had proved that to him. He couldnât go back and forth with her and she didnât deserve to be with someone like him. Heâd left the bed a few minutes later, calling Elise once heâd left Liliâs apartment. He needed to move on and forget about Lili as someone other than his co-worker. He couldnât keep hurting her. Elise was nice and easy to get along with so the distraction was welcome and soon, it was morning and Cole had woken again to find a brunette with him instead of a blonde.
Lili had fallen back asleep and when she woke again, it wasn't dark anymore and bright light shined through her windows. She pulled out her phone to see if Cole had sent her any texts and saw he hadn't. Nothing. Even in the past, he had always at least reached out to her and this felt weird. The excitement and hopefulness she had felt the previous night was slowly fading to something like dread in her gut but Lili brushed it off. Maybe he was just asleep, still sleeping off their night. She'd take a breath, not panic, and then go out to get him some breakfast to surprise him with. Regardless, they needed to speak about what had happened and what it meant for them. Was it just a one time thing? Did this mean he still wasn't over her? Did they try again? So many questions and only Cole could give her answers. Getting dressed, Lili grabbed her keys and her mask and placed a mobile order for some breakfast. Off to Cole's it was. She debated telling him she was coming over but decided against it, wanting him to be surprised.
Cole: It didnât take long for Cole to make a feast out of the breakfast ingredients heâd had in his house. Bacon and eggs and waffles were always a good combination and Cole was currently standing over the stove shirtless and frying the eggs as he waited for the waffles to finish. He set his coffee cup back down, listening to Elise talk. âWell he doesnât actually fly the helicopter, his owner does that but heâll definitely fight you for the front seat, thatâs for sureâ Cole chuckled, pulling the pan off the stove and putting the eggs onto a plate. He refilled his coffee up, drinking from it once more. He hadnât had a hangover, just a headache and a guilty feeling from last nights adventures. Cole was hoping work on Monday wouldnât be too awkward.
Lili picked up the breakfast fairly quickly and gave her Uber driver directions to Cole's apartment. Drumming her fingers against her lap and keeping the takeout boxes still, Lili stared out the window as the car drove. The closer she got to Cole's place, the more uneasy she felt. Something wasn't right. How could it have been so perfect, so natural the previous night and yet feel so strange and unfamiliar in the morning? Maybe it was because she was used to waking up next to Cole and cuddling with him until they were ready to get out of bed. This felt like a cheap hookup, and Lili never wanted to feel cheap or meaningless when it came to Cole. She thanked the driver as he stopped and got out, pulling out her phone and finding Cole's floor and room from the text he pinned in their group chat a few weeks ago. When she arrived, she knocked on the door and waited for him to open it with a small smile on her face.
Cole: Cole was halfway through breakfast when he ran out of coffee again and got up to fill his cup a second time. He heard the knock at the door and not bothering with a shirt went to open it. Cole was pretty sure this was what karma felt like. Seeing Lili on the other side of the door step made him feel sick and guilty all at once. He tried to plaster on a smile but Cole knew Lili wouldnât buy it âHeyâ he started with greeting Lili. âCole, where do you keep your...â He felt Eliseâs prescence next to him âOh hey, Iâm Eliseâ
Lili was a little surprised (but not necessarily disappointed) to see Cole shirtless again. "What's with you and shirts lately?" She joked, her smile widening as she held out the food. "I brought you some break..fast.." Her words trailed off as she saw a gorgeous brunette join him at the door. Her entire body went cold. It suddenly made perfect sense as to why he was shirtless and it made her stomach contract violently, thinking that he had slept with this girl right after her. He had touched her so lovingly, so gently and it had felt like she was the only girl in the world again last night. Now, she realized all she was was somebody to scratch an itch for Cole. There were a lot of things said about Cole by people who didn't know him and Lili had always defended him violently, knowing they didn't know the loving, thoughtful, kind man she fell in love with.. and right now Lili was wondering if she had ever really known him at all. "I thought you were different," she told Cole, not caring if this made him look bad in front of Elise. Her voice was choked. "And I thought I meant more to you than this. I guess you showed me, huh?" Her eyes filled with tears and she dropped the Styrofoam boxes right at Cole's feet, and walking away. She was shaking, she could feel it, and as soon as she got outside, she was going to throw right up into the bushes. So this was how it ended - not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Cole: This was exactly Cole had been trying to avoid and maybe he hasnât gone about it the right way but his intentions had been pure ever if Lili wasnât able to see that. âShould I go?â Elise asked âYes. I mean no, I donât know, do whatever you wantâ he told Elise a little more harshly than what heâd meant to and Cole picked a shirt from the coat rack and slipped it on, immediately following after Lili âLil, wait!â He called out after her. Her words had really hurt, she had been the one person Cole could rely on to always have his back and now she had changed her tune. The elevator doors had shut before Cole could catch up and he hastily opened the fire escape, skipping steps in order to make it down to the ground and catch Lili. âItâs not like that, I promiseâ He told her, her tears just another punch to the gut.
Lili could hear Cole calling out to her and she didn't care. If they never spoke again, that was fine with her. Her heart was screaming at her that that wasn't true, that this hurt so much because he /did/ matter to her but just looking at Cole's face made her feel like she wanted to drop into a hole and stay buried underneath the ground. She hadn't felt this hurt since they broke up. When he finally caught up to her, Lili laughed and there was no humor in it as she turned around to face him. "Are you kidding me?" She asked, swiping at her eyes. She didn't want to cry in front of him but she couldn't control it. "What - what is it like, Cole? I was just some - some easy /fuck/ and you weren't satisfied so you called up 'Elise' to finish the job?" Her chest burned as she looked at him, not recognizing him anymore. This wasn't her Cole and maybe he hadn't been for a long time. "Who are you?" She questioned him, her green eyes still shining with tears. "I don't know this Cole. I don't like him. You just - you fucked me and you tossed me aside like I was nothing, like the past four years meant /nothing/. Maybe they did, to you." She shrugged her shoulders, a sharp ache in her chest at the thought of that being true. "Maybe I'm nothing to you now. You could've just told me that in a text instead of ignoring me like some fuck boy and calling up the next girl for you to sleep with. I deserve better than that." Lili nodded her head and exhaled. "I deserve better than you and I never thought that until now. So shove your explanation, Cole. Go be with Elise. I hope she likes this version of you because I sure as hell fucking don't." She scoffed and shook her head, walking backwards. "Don't call me, don't text me. As of now, we're just co-workers because you've shown I'm nothing to you. Goodbye, Cole."
Cole: This was not how Cole had wanted things to go. His whole idea had been so he wouldnât upset Lili again and that had been exactly what had happened. It just confirmed to Cole that nothing good ever came from Lili associating with him and this was why they needed to be apart. He watched Lili leave, every word stabbing harder than the last and as much as Cole wanted to fight back and explain himself, he knew it was futile. Lili wasnât going to listen to what he has to say and maybe it was better she left now instead of the two of them getting more worked up in the lobby. Letting out a scream of rage, Cole kicked at the nearest thing and immediately wished he hadnât. The elevator doors were dented in, just another thing heâd ruined in his path of destruction.