#oztastic

So I have finally got round to writing something down. Ever since I realized my time in Australia thus far has consisted of being intoxicated a substantial amount of the time, I figured I better keep some documentation of the whole process.

Let's begin..

Although I am starting this 11 days into March, we arrived in Brisbane on February 17th quite early in the morning. All I can say about the journey was that it was about 30 hours of uncomfortable tiredness that revolved around a stench of stale  fart and sweat. Yes the trip wasn't the most pleasant, however I have done it once before so knew what to expect.

My travel partners are as follows: NJ, ST and DJ. We are all buddies from school and we share a passion for starting something fresh plus leaving the jobless, narrow-mindedness of N.Ireland is a shared passion. It is true that I have been waiting a long time to leave Ireland. While I still enjoy my Irish roots, I have slowly developed a strong reluctance towards spending the rest of my life there. As this journal progresses it will also become apparent I am an indecisive, spontaneous and unpredictable person so enjoy the read.

Once landed we met WF, he is another mate from home who has been here since August. He's actually known to us as C so that is what I will refer to him as from now on. The first thing you notice when walking outside is the overwhelming heat, it is like a blanket smothering you from all angles. Anyway I will complain about the heat regular so lets move on. We all bailed into C's car which he bought a few weeks ago, it turns out the car is as old as I am, a 1989 Toyota Corolla in a lovely burgundy color  It lacks finesse, however over in Australia if it drives well and isn't too young it will do the job nicely.

We traveled from Brisbane down the Gold Coast to Surfers Paradise where C lived. It is somewhat of a party town, just loads of lovely looking ladies, ripped to fuck surfer dudes and plenty of bars to give you a headache for the following day. I am going to summarize our days in Surfers very briefly as my recollection of events is somewhat blurred and jaded.

Day1: So we arrived, scobed the arse out of the Corolla from the sheer amount of weight of the five of us and luggage  at one stage I thought we were going to break C's car, serious like. We got settled into Backpackers In Paradise, a hostel based very close to town. We stayed in a 14 bed dorm which was basic, but to be honest at 21 dollars a night, you cant complain too much. Once settled we actually went round to C's place and chilled by the pool. Come afternoon we met his flat mates D and B. Nice girls, both from England and were very welcoming to us. We all ended up getting quite loaded that afternoon and late evening. The party then moved to C's pool by his apartment.  We smoked a blunt or two and got pretty bagged. It was a great first day and we managed to stay up beyond 10pm which in our eyes was quite an achievement.

Day2: Ok so for the life of me and the rest of the guys, literally no one remembers day 2 in the slightest. All we can recollect is that we tried to set up an Australian bank account, however the bank was closed hindering our plans. ST thinks that we ended up getting drunk in the hostel and played some pool. Sounds about right to me, all I know is I was stoned and drunk at some point during that day.

Day3: Yet another blank has been drawn here really, I am sure we got up early as at this stage the jet lag was still hanging about and we were sleeping pretty weirdly. I know this was the night we first experienced shooters. I am not 100% sure but I think the group experienced their first bit of flange that day. This Irish doll L met up with us and we all went to shooters with the hostel. Basically to summarize that night: I tried to break up a fight, hit a guy and got kicked out. DJ then walked me half way home, NJ then came running after me because long haired Mike told him I was in a fight and he was going ape because he didn't see what happened. Later that evening myself, NJ and ST ended up getting stoned off our faces and are all 100% certain we witnessed a domestic violence incident in car across the street. DJ shagged L on the beach and C, well I don’t know what happened C.

Day4: Pretty sure we went to the beach this day, started to do a wee drop of tanning on our pastey irish bods! L started hanging with us and we were slagging the shite out of DJ because he now had a woman following him like a fly round shite. We debated going out on the town again but it ended up DJ went out with L while the rest of us went to C's place. We ended up drinking again and once again smoking a blunt. Funniest shit though, me, NJ and B smoked this reefer of a thing and started getting all messed up on the balcony. Now the funny thing is I thought B was hitting on NJ, yet he thought she was hitting on me. So we had a moment of hilarity when she left for a minute and I was like "Get in there son" yet he was like "What? Are you not trying?" So I was adamant that he should give her a go so I made up a great wingman excuse that I needed a shite and had to go home. So I brought ST back with me and we crashed. DJ shagged L again I think, although he was annoyed cause she got him kicked out of shooters. Fuck shooters.

Day5: Right cant remember much again from this day, we met G or as we like to refer to her as Gm. She was out with DJ and L and she was a dead on cuddy so we all went to the beach. Was a shitty old day with rain and clouds yet I still managed to sweat like a priest in a playground. So I am pretty sure we went out that night and ended up once again in the shithole that is shooters, maybe we didn't though I cant really remember. Oh I forgot to mention though we met some other cool dudes like Tinsel, or Titzey or something along those lines. He was like Japanese and was a really cool dude. Found him passed out outside the dorm one night it was funny stuff. So yeah DJ tackled your doll Gm and that was that. Pretty sure he banged her on the beach, quite fond of the oul beach is DJ, as well as making the wee boy sick

Day6: Pretty sure L left us on that day, she was an all right cuddy too, just a bit weird like. So DJ had now a new woman to slurp round, yet again the jokes continued. To be fair though, she had big old boobies. I cant remember a fucking thing of what we did. At some stage we played volleyball in the pool, me and DJ ripped up and NJ hit the ball out all the time, was annoying as fuck. Ok cant remember much else if I am honest, it is getting late and I really cant be fucked trying to remember more shit that happened like 2 weeks ago. Oh actually funny story from that night.

Ok so I went out right with DJ and Gm the other 2 were being fannies and stayed in, nevertheless I ended up drinking with a kiwi dude all night called Calum I think. He was a civil oul scud, and we ended up chatting dung for a long time that night. Apparently Dj and Gm thought I was gona tackle him at one stage. Anyway moving on, we ended up going to vanity. It fucking stank of feet as soon as we walked in it was rotten. So all was good, loads of hot wimen about and I was thinking it was time to bag a wee lady. So went on the prowl a few times, did a few laps nothing much was biting. Gm decided to be my wing women and brought me to the dancefloor. It was quite funny, she pointed out a group of about 3 women and 1 guy, he was obviously chatting them up, so I thought I better show him how its done.

I bailed in and practically shouted in this girls ear that my name was B and did she want a drink! It worked anyway she came to the bar, we tried to communicate but I swear to christ we couldn't hear a word the other was saying. I went in for a wee snog and we were eating the face off each other. The bar maid actually told us to move away from the bar the spoil sport. Anyway I dropped a line on her to get her back for some fun: "Were do you live?", her response "Down around south port", my kicker: "Do you want to see where I live?" Her answer: "yes!" with a cheeky smile too!

So this lovely american doll and me headed back. To this day I don’t know why brought a girl back to a fucking 14 bed dorm, which was fucking full by the way. We ended up getting down and nasty on my bed, yeah it was a top bunk btw. So we were going at it, all was good and apparently I shouted down to the english girl below us. "You all right down there?!" she went fucking mental started saying "I don’t wana see it, smell it, be around it or hear it whenever your done fuck off!". So I bust out laughing! We finished off and the american doll thought she better leave, I didn’t argue, so she tried to leave out the fucking fire escape and set off the bloody alarm.. So now the whole dorm is awake and pissed off at me and the alarm is blaring on the fire escape. Was a great night!

Yeah, fun times.