#oxytoxic

You'll always be the one I picture waking up next to every morning.

You'll always be the one that broke every single rule.

You said "Those who took one bite, and those who finished the whole plate, both know how the dish tastes like.. At least now I know what being with you tastes like, even if we'll never be able to finish the whole thing.."

Your metaphors always kill me.

The next night you asked "what are you afraid of right now?"

"I don't know" I lied

Truth is I'm scared to death that nothing will taste as sweet as this.

I'm afraid no will ever make my heart beat like you do.

I'm afraid that I'll never fall for someone as much as I fell for your smile,

That no one will ever look at me the way you do,

That I'll never want to wake up next to anyone but you,

That my soul will not connect to anyone's as much as it's connected to yours,

I'm terrified that all we'll get is "the other lifetime" we always talk about,

Maybe there your mother will not mind me raising her grandchildren and my parents wouldn't mind calling you family.

Maybe there people will understand that love is above all earthly things, above all reason, above all things we did not choose or believe in.

Maybe only then I wouldn't be so afraid to dig in.

I'm afraid I will not be able to resist taking another bite.

It is not you that I fear,

It's not you that I long for either.

It is not you that breaks me.

We have become good friends since 2012, remember?

It was you who was always scared.

It was you who was always coming at nighttime, like a courageless theif,

Stealing hearts,

Stealing lives,

Stealing people I love.

But it is not you that I fear,

It's my mother's tears,

My father's unusual stance,

My sister's bloody eyes.

It is not you that I fear,

It's the hopelessness we feel when you come,

Llike an unexpected miscarriage.

It's the screams that follow you,

Like the scream of the Palestinian mother holding her bloody son I was raised up hearing.

It is not you that I fear,

It is the melancholy you trigger,

It is emptiness we have to live with after you visit,

It's all the possibilities you take away from us.

It is not you that I fear,

It's the numbness I function with after you walk out,

It's the faithless moments,

The godless words, the heartache, the sleepless, thoughtless, cold nights.

It is not you that I fear, dear death,

It's all the destruction you bring with you.

They blame you for too much, my friend,

They blame you for all the wrongdoings of attachment.

You, you are my friend,

We grew up together,

And a bunch of my best friends telling embarrassing stories about me

You,

Letting me hug you tighter, laughing, looking up at me with those sparkly eyes of yours

You,

Listening carefully to them without giving a damn, telling me that you know me better, that you'll always know me better

Me,

Laughing at the top of my lungs, without anyone telling me to quiet down, looking down at you, thinking how this moment is life.

Me,