#overcomingdarkeness

In my life, I reflect on the simpler days. When books would take you beyond the universe on a perilous adventure only to end back in reality. When music or movies had to be re-wound to be enjoyed once again. When double cassette duplication was popular and making a mix tape to profess your feelings was a greater extension of how you felt then any text or email could convey today. Each song a monument of chemistry and profound love. Lips like sugar. . . .  sugar Kisses!!! - I digress....

In my life, I reflect on the sweeter moments like the climbing of a tree, that safe castle in the sky. Ahh! The laughter of Mom and Dad, with their playful spirit at the tail end of their young adult lives; all was right. The days when you actually had to knock and ask your friends parents, if so and so could come out and play. Building that jump was a hard day's work. You remember that jump! It's the one your friend broke his arm on.  

In my life, I reflect on my adolescence - Way out of touch with the outside world coveted and sheltered by the impurities of my surroundings. A grip too tight stunting my development into adulthood. Despite my insatiable thirst for knowledge, I realize now through self-diagnosis that I am comfortable at age 41. I can accept and play the role of more adult responsibilities, but a deep anxiety shadows my performance. I turn it on when needed and I have become quite the actor.

I reflect on Dad, you were taken from us, and I am broken as a result. I believed in you, in your dreams, in your excitement, and I loved your passion. I loathed your stubbornness and the uneasiness you could add to a room when you lost yourself. In retrospect, I understand this part of you. Perhaps an undiagnosed sickness. 

I carry your heart, and I knew it's purity and your ability at forgiveness. And so... I forgive you and absolve you of any and all pain at your hand. In 2005 you visited my dreams and gifted me the release of pain I carried over your loss. I bared the torch as long as I could for Mom and the boys; as you referred to the three of us so lovingly. Perhaps a greater sadness is Mom chose to die with you, and it hurts to watch her just exist without passion for anything. It's been 12 agonizing years.

I write for my own sanity. It's all I can do to release my emotional afflictions. The love I have for others is all that has stopped me from ending it all. Too much pain, and with each trial, I slip further away from feeling happiness myself.

In my life, I reflect on how fortunate I am at having stared death in the face tortured but spared. I’m left with the permanent and deep scars. My curse is my nurturing personality, as it attracts the lost and desperate souls looking for wisdom. I accept that if he exists, that I am Gods whipping boy, spared as a witness to remember and love all those that others have forgotten. If paying the price for a previous life is my sentence, then I can confirm that time travel is impossible. As my dimensional accomplice would have altered his own outcome freeing me from this sentence. The biggest crux is as my mind is sharpening, my tortured body fails me.  

In my life, I reflect on Business and as a creative soul with an encompassing vision. It's difficult to find work that fills my life.