#over involved

People are so afraid of overloading their friends and loved ones away by being too extra or too annoying. And thats normal. Thats ok.

Sometimes though, you meet someone so used to being alone that they suffer in silence.

Love these people in the loudest way you can.

Let them roll their eyes when your name lights up your phone.

Let them scoff at your random nonsensicle messages.

Let them laugh at your silliness

Make them blush with embarrasment as you publicly show your affection.

Cheer them on for the most mundane things.

Tell them that youre proud of them.

Tell them that you love them.

Show them that you worry about them.

Be there for them however you can.

Let them forget what it is to feel alone for a moment, for as many moments as you can.

I read a book/article/notes while walking,  I do errands in the early morning, I added going to the gym or running on a consistent basis to my ‘goals’ this quarter, I’m the chair of my committee and have a million wonderful ideas I’m organizing, I try staying on top of all my readings/articles/assignments/studying before a lecture so I’m well informed, I want to be the best mentor I can for a handful of 1st year DPTs, I love volunteering for my soccer and wheelchair rugby teams!, I want to assist my professor on her gait lab research I’ve done 28474 training modules and paperwork for over the school break

I literally thought I was going to pass out over the potato dish or faint from lightheadness when grabbing for a dessert platter in the far cabinet. 

Days like today, I always find myself thinking about why I am where I am, why am I doing what I am. Rarely now do I think about why I still exist. I know there is something. I know there is a reason for my being here. I know there is a reason why I am faced with challenges and pain and the occasional bout of helplessness. But why does it always feel so... wrong? 

I guess I'm just fooling myself into thinking everything is wrong. Where I am at relationship wise is wrong, my life goals are wrong, my activities are wrong. Right now, everything I'm doing is wrong. I'm single, I never want kids and I want to travel always. I play rugby and dance, and that is causing my body to slowly deteriorate. I'm 20 years old and I face the future of knee replacements and chiropractic visits for the rest of my life. 

But those activities... for the most part, they make me happy. My team makes me happy. My dancing makes me happy. But none of it ever feels right. And I don't know who to turn to for help. Therapy? Maybe, I should go back. But do I have time? No... I never have time. Between dance, rugby, six classes, living in a special interest house, work and other such things... Anything that has to do with myself and my complete happiness and "me" time has to be placed on the back burner. 

I'm feeling all the stress and feel like I have to take on everyone else's. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but that is how I naturally am. I have to be there for everyone. I can't let anyone down if I can help it. Missing practices, and games I feel like I'm letting my team down, but I can't leave my responsibilities elsewhere. Maybe my feelings are due to lack of time. 

I'm currently a student at Allegheny College, loving the college, the people, the professors, the classes, the activities, just... everything about it. But there is a reason we are currently ranked 983 out of 983 for most manageable workload on College Prowler. Our course load is ridiculous high and many of the students, myself included, don't know how to deal with the stress it puts on us. Most students are highly involved in other student activities (which is also me). 

I have two theater production classes, a history course, a psychology course, and a dance class. You would believe the dance class to be easy, but that is not the case. There are projects and papers involved even in that class. I'm talking 8 to 12 hours a night in school work, as well as being on the executive board for the student run dance organization, Orchesis Dance Company; and being a member of the student run Jazz Dance Ensemble, JaDE. 

On top of those dance related activities, I have Rugby obligations. We have training two nights a week in the winter, as well as the Students Against Multiple Sclerosis performance. 

And let's not forget about Queers and Allies, and their annual drag show! Obviously, I'm involved in way too much for anyone to be able to handle, seeing as I also work on campus.