#ouukillem

"Kill them with kindness."  The above is a quote that I live by on an everyday basis. Last night, as I was studying for one of my human resources midterms, I came across a theory titled "The McClelland's Learned Needs Theory." In McClelland's theory, he explained the "need for affiliation," which described the type of person who needs approval from others and someone who would rather portray a good image of themselves and solve conflicts rather than start one. An example I used to remember this "need" was myself. The description was on point. I hated conflict and if I ever came into one, I would be super kind so the person would feel stupid for ever wanting to fight with me. However, instead of seeing this as a positive characteristic, I saw this as being weak, vulnerable and permissive. Why couldn't I be the strong leader? Why couldn't I be the girl that has high achievements? Why did the guy I like stop talking to me to date a girl in high school!? The questions just kept going in a downward spiral as I reflected upon myself. My thoughts were consuming me, the stress of school was overwhelming me. I needed to get out. Interact, mingle, see some friendly faces. 

And that's exactly what I did.

I decided to take a stroll out to the local mall because I had a few errands to run. Now, mind you, this mall is particularly on the "ghetto" side. As I entered every store, most people were apprehensive. They didn't want to interact in a friendly manner. They were tired and annoyed. It's Friday, they had a long week and all they wanted to do was get out of the mall and enjoy their life. However, as I spoke to them, I interacted with them - engaged in a conversation, said "may I, please and thank you." I don't know if it was all in my head, but with every person I spoke with, they looked at me differently. As if they didn't expect me to talk or present myself in the way that I did. They were a more friendly person as I left them, smiling, happy, genuine. And that's when I realized it. My qualities, characteristics and everything else is who I am. It is what differentiates me, and yes, I can make an impact, even if it's just a smile. 

I came home feeling much better about myself. I always push myself to be positive and not to consume myself with terrible thoughts. Yes, the guy who is dating the high school girl is currently annoying me.. but you know what? His face isn't really that cute (: haha and I know that no matter what, I am a better person, even if you don't recognize it now and I will continue to learn and grow. 

As I come to a conclusion, I also want to recognize Dinesh. Last night when I was spiralling into a depressive state, the only person I wanted to talk to was you. No matter what, you are always there and you never judge. You listen and understand. You take the time out of your day to make others feel good, and you put the needs of others before yours. That's love Dinesh, and no one can take that pure-hearted characteristic away from you. I am honoured to be your 50,000th post (as long as this may be) but you gave me the freedom to write, to express and to acknowledge what an amazing guy you are. 

Thank you for being you and embracing it everyday <3