#ousiders

A criança possui uma coisa que o adulto procura desesperadamente ao longo de toda a sua existência: um refúgio. São as paredes do útero com todos os nutrientes afluindo cotidianamente e que é preciso às vezes conseguir reconstruir em torno de si. Tenho a estranha impressão de que, quando fracassamos, o mundo procura nos levar de volta a esse lugar por meio de um golpe do destino, alguma coisa exterior nos faz retornar à vida interior num confinamento a portas fechadas e a priori lúgubre, mas na realidade salvador. Quatro paredes apertadas, uma porta pequena, uma janela por onde somos vistos mas nunca tocados, e contatos restritos. Victor Hugo na ilha, diante do mar, compõe seus versos; Trótskí, em suas prisões, escapa da morte e escreve; Lowry em sua cabana compila a agitação do mundo no entanto invisível dali onde ele se encontra. O que faço de diferente agora daquilo que eles realizaram, na minha floresta sob o vulcão, de volta da quase morte que me espreitou? O que faço senão ousar dar um passo para o lado para ver melhor, ver os sinais que pulsam em mim e que anunciam suas contradições, seu furor, sua tragédia? Perdi meu lugar, e busco nesse momento um entremeio, onde encontre a intersecção entre mim e aquilo que me cerca e que de algum modo me traduza. Um lugar onde me reconstituir, atendendo às minhas expectativas e não às do mundo que deixei quando busquei o útero da floresta.

Ponyboy- Cutie. He is just so adorable sometimes.

Johnny- Love.

Sodapop- My Prince.

Darry- Superman. You first said it as a joke, and then it ended up sticking.

Dally- Baby

Two-Bit- You call him by his real name, Keith. All the boys call him Two-Bit, but you loved his real name.

Yesterday afternoon I assassinated the invasive outsider that took form as a palm tree outside my office window and, now formerly, made efforts to invade my personal space through cracks in my window. It put up little resistance having elected for a largely non-combative shape but the same cannot be said of its cohort who has taken residence rear to my house.

This alien ally has chosen to be a thorn-tree of some variety and until yesterday it covered the escape routes of my girlfriend’s unidentifiable small dog, who I increasingly suspect to be a spy. Further, this thorn tree has insidiously chosen to live in my neighbor’s yard and merely extend its tendrils and branches into my territory so that I may not kill it at its heart but merely chop off these arms with my reciprocating saw as it fights back, clawing and tearing at my exposed flesh, since in Florida nobody owns anything with long sleeves. It’s in the state constitution.

Still I’ve done what I can and for now the dog-thing’s tunnels and gateways have been blocked off and there is nowhere he can dig or construct alternate doorways that I cannot observe and prevent before he can complete them.

I feel more secure but I do know that it is only a matter of time before the incursions and who knows what or how much the dog has told his true masters or even who they are.

PONYBOY

You hop into your brothers car. "Hey (y/n) how was school?" you reply with a simple "good" He had a couple friends in the car. They were driving you to your friends house. Your brother starts driving and passes a greaser. All of his friends yell at the boy out the window "Shut up he didn't do anything to you" they all start laughing "(y/n) we're gonna take a little longer than planned" what? They start following the boy, he looked familiar but from where? You roll your eyes at how rude the boys we're being. We come to a stop "STAY HERE (Y/N)! WE'RE JUST GONNA GIVE THIS GREASER A HAIRCUT!" they run out of the car. You ignore it for a bit but then your brother pulls out a blade. You run out of the car and tackle your brother "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!" you take the blade and before you know it a group of about 6 boys come over. You ignore them all chase your brother and his friends away and go over to the boy. "Are you ok? I'm so sorry for my brother and his friends, they think they're real tough" he moves his head and looks you in the eyes, he was perfect. "Yeah i'm fine. It's fine they do that all the time. Thanks for saving me I guess...What's your name?" You put your hand out and he shakes it. "I'm (y/n) and you?" he smiles. "Ponyboy" 

JOHNNY

You grab your coke and walk down the street, you were looking at the ground when you bang into someone. You fall to the ground and look up. It was a boy, he was pretty good looking. You smile and then he notices you staring "I'm so sorry!" you say as you realize you spilt your coke all over him. He stands up "It's fine, here let me help you" he holds out his hand, you grab it and he pulls you up. "I'm (y/n) by the way, listen i'm really sorry. Wanna go grab a coke?" you giggle and he smiles a little "I'm Johnny, sure. I'll pay don't worry. I...uh....I'm going to a movie tonight with some friends...you wanna join?" you nod and smile as you two start to walk down the street "I'd love that"

SODAPOP

"Something is seriously wrong and i don't understand I take such good care of it! I mean it can't be fix-" your jaw drops when you look up. You didn't realize that this whole time about talking about your car you been talking to this hottie! You feel so stupid...you were freaking out about your stupid car when this hunk was standing in front of you "Ummm i'm sorry what was I saying?" he laughs "I think I can fix it. Lemme take a look. This might take a while so to break the ice I'm Sodapop!" You blush a little. His looks were kinda intimidating. "I'm (y/n) but you can call me (y/nn) for short." He closes the hood of the car and rubs his greasy hair. "This is going to take longer then I thought and Steve isn't here... you wanna help out?!" you giggle "I don't know the first thing about cars but I guess" You both grab a coke and you watch him work on the car.

DALLY

You walk into the corner store and start looking at the magazines. You hear crazy laughter and start laughing yourself. Before you know it a boy is behind you "You think that was funny babe?" You try to control your laughter but keep giggling "Yea" He smirks at you and takes the magazine that you were holding "You want me to get it for you?" you shake your head and take the magazine back "I don't even know your name, I don't want to take your money"  he laughs and gives you a weird look "Who says i'm paying?" he snatches the magazine, puts it in his jacket and casually walks out the store. You chase after him "Whats your name?!?" you basically yell having to chase him round the parking lot. He holds up the magazine and stops running, you catch up to him "You tell me yours first" you raise an eyebrow "I'm (y/n), thanks for the magazine.. if you ever give it to me" he laughs a little "Thanks for asking...I'm Dally" He hands you the magazine and you two light a cigarette and talk.

TWO-BIT

You roam around the drive in looking for your friends car. "Hey baby!" You look over and see a boy walking towards you "I'm Two-bit you want a beer?" you look at him and sigh "Why not" he pops open a beer for you and you go and sit in chairs "I never caught your name" he says "(y/n)" he nods "That's a nice name... I think- never mind" You give a confused look "What?" he shakes his head "Nothing" you raise an eyebrow "I've heard of you beofre. They don't call you Two-bit for nothing. Speak up" You take a big sip of the beer and wait or him to talk "I...I think you're pretty good looking" You roll your eyes "Thats all?" you joke. you both laugh as he gives you his jacket. It was nice and warm. He walks you home and you can't stop thinking about him. 

DARRY

knock knock knock you run to the door and open it "Hi! Are you fixing the roof?" The man nods...he was pretty good looking you didn't expect him to be doing this hard of a job, I guess that explains his muscles. You snap out of your thinking as he says "Yeah, I'm Darry. You're (y/n) right?" you smile "Yep!" he smiles oh my god he was perfect. But he looked a little old for you. "I'm gonna get started aright?" You nod and watch him. You quickly run to the kitchen and make some lemonade. You go out after about 20 minutes of him working "Hey! You want some lemonade?" he comes down the ladder and takes a glass "Thanks" you smile "No problem...How old are you?" he looks down "20..." your eyes buldge. Not on purpose, he just didn't look 20 you were happy, you guys were the same age. "Same! Why don't you take a break for a little?" you suggest and he gladly accepts the offer.

STEVE