#ourthoughts

the force, the field —

depends, however,

on acting gravitational, magnetic.

Trigger warnings!!

Trigger warnings:

Talks of suicide thoughts.

Venting

English mistakes Im so sorry..

Just life.

About:

And if you’re looking for someone to vent to, you can find a post on this account that explain why Im here, y’all can write in the “request” button and well just talk together, I want this to be a safe place!!

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Ok so… it’s been a year and a month since I first posted on here. Crazy, right?

I still vividly remember when I decided to make this page. I was on my bed, literally crying because of my insecurities.

Why post after a year?

I need to talk to people who don’t know me and who I’m not scared will talk about me behind my back.

Today I had a fight with one of my closest friends. I think she’s one of the most important friends I have, but sometimes it doesn’t feel the same for her.

So we had this small fight and it ended pretty well, but I wanted to make sure everything was actually okay. I asked her if she wanted to talk more about it or if everything was fine, and she said everything was alright and that I didn’t need to worry.

Okay!! And I was like, “alright then, love you girl.”

We spent the entire day at school (yeah, it happened at school) laughing together, me giving her little scratches on her back and arms, you know, just small things that every friendship has (in different ways for everyone).

Then we said our goodbyes after school.

Still no problems.

Now I need to add something important.

That same morning I talked to her about something that was bothering me: my dad has to go through another heart surgery (his fourth one), and it’s pretty serious. During his last one, he almost lost his life.

I only told my best friend and her.

She said things like, “I’m so sorry, don’t worry, nothing is going to happen,” etc.

I think this is important because it comes back later.

We finish school at 14:30 (2:30 p.m.), and three hours later, at 17:40 (5:40 p.m.), I get a message from her.

She tells me that I’m aggressive during fights and other things, and she ends with:

“Even if you’re going through your own things, it doesn’t mean I have to deal with it.”

I never said I haven’t been more defensive lately. It’s not just about my dad’s surgery, but many other things. School has been stressful—so much that I started taking medicine to sleep, but it doesn’t even work.

I also had surgery this October. It didn’t go badly physically, but mentally it was really hard for me.

And the worst thing is that my best friend always says she’s right, even when she’s objectively not. I don’t know why. Then when we’re alone, she tells me I was right. I don’t understand—I just want someone to be on my side.

But that text was really bad. It basically felt like it was saying:

“you’re a terrible friend, you have a bad personality and nothing good about you.”

It might sound like I’m exaggerating, but it was really harsh. I just don’t want to go into details because it was private.

Then I confronted her, telling her how the message made me feel and that I was scared of losing her. She kept replying in an annoyed, almost “I don’t care” tone.

I’m going through so much.

My dad is about to have a serious surgery again.

My mom is very stressed and has her own health problems.

My older sister can’t always be the strong one anymore—I see her cry more than I ever have before.

My little sister has been seeing a psychiatrist for months now, and she’s being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, OCD, ADHD, and other things.

And I’ve always been seen as the “crybaby,” but now I can’t even cry anymore unless I’m alone.

I feel this constant ache in my chest.

Everyone thinks I’m fine now, like I’m the only one not going through something, but I feel like I’m slowly drowning.

I’m anxious all the time. I feel like I can’t breathe. The pain in my chest won’t go away.

I don’t think I can handle this anymore… and I’ve started thinking about ending it all.

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This blog is the suggestive content hub of the Glasstech Incorporated collective. Individual members will tag their posts with emojis, and all triggers will be tagged accordingly.

#ourthoughts - text posts made by us

#ourart - our drawn art

#ourliterature - things we've written

We are 18 years old. Please use he/him for us unless you know the poster's specific pronouns.