#ouch!!!!

him: "so which one is the character you like?"

me: " ..................................tenna."

him: "

August feels his heart breaking. It's the kind of pain that is palpable. It's too real, it's too raw, and it's too much of a reminder that he's human. Too human. He doesn't like to think about the honesty of this situation, and how letting go feels like a loaded fucking gun. It was foolish for August to firmly believe that he was deserving of something so good, and it was equally as foolish to believe that it would last long enough for him to perfectly memorize. August considers that this may be the kind of thing that haunts him for a lifetime.

None of this was fair, but how much of August's life had ever been considered fair? So many times had he found himself caught in the ache of a cruel injustice, and that didn't seem to placate the older he got. Time dragged on, as it does, and it became just another perturbing reminder that August, to his very core, was violently undeserving of purity wrapped in an honest love.

Conrad was different. That much had always been apparent from the very first time that their paths crossed. August had never been a big believer in things like fate, but it was hard to dismiss such a theory when the red string coiled around his throat until he was forced to admit to that defeat. There was no other rhyme or reason for the two of them to find themselves caught in the crosshairs of each other's lives.

Loving Conrad felt easy. Too easy. The kind of thing that somebody doesn't really think about doing. Autonomous, like breathing, like knowing how to fight when the water gets too high. It's not something that August had ever questioned, or even tried to fight. There was no sense in fighting what felt like destiny. Their futures were cemented into the fine lines. August never expected it to end like this.

Something about this situation felt like a side swipe. It's not anticipated, and it catches him completely off guard. The pain takes shape and makes ruins of what he once considered peace. Everything is everywhere, emotionally. Where do they go from here? How can he continue to go on when the one person he's always leaned on is no longer there?

August thinks about it, and it feels like the wire around his throat tightens. He'd never be able to look across the room and search for the peace in Conrad's gaze. Would they survive the aftermath, or was this the end before the beginning? His stomach coils into knots, and he feels physically ill at the thought of that question. Conrad's embrace may be the only thing holding August together. He fears for the lack of contact and what it might do to him.

He feels Conrad loosen his grip, and it feels like he's letting go in more ways than physical. Desperation strikes a subtle tremor in his hands as he reaches out, and it feels too pitiful to put a name to.

"Please, don't leave me. I can't do this without you."

like not only did kevin get this taste of freedom only to then find himself exactly back where he started, i think it'd be so much worse because he's had that freedom. he's in the nest knowing he doesn't deserve this, that he doesn't have to be afraid of riko, that he's capable of healing, but still he leaves it destroyed and broken. then neil is gone in whatever way he's gone, and andrew's promise has been broken. it'd be awful and messy and heartbreaking and just the worst thing for kevin to have to go through again.