#ouats4e15

If you ignore the gift of time & rush into things, you will never be ready.

Then Ursula was like, “Before I go regress to the exact same situation that made me miserable at age 16, I should tell you Gold’s plan: The Author can’t give villains their happy endings while the Savior is in the world, so Gold has decided to turn Emma’s heart dark forever.” “But Emma will still technically exist even if her heart is dark?” Hook asked, puzzled. “At this point, Snow has had a dark spot on her heart for like two seasons or something, and it hasn’t kept her from walking through a door that only the purest-hearted people could cross or splitting her heart between herself and Charming, so really how serious is this ‘dark heart’ crap anyway?” “I’m just the messenger,” Ursula sighed heavily. “Look at my plotline as an example and ask yourself: Are you really expecting some Tolstoy to unfold at this point? Are you expecting to be bowled away by some intricate explanation of a larger arc that ties together the last four seasons, the most recent half of which was based on a movie that didn’t come out until this show was halfway through its run? Yeah, manage your expectations. We’re all here for these awesome actors, the insane Disney references, and the shipping fandoms. TTYL.”

Oh also Hook was like, “Emma you’re my happy ending,” so all of you who are into that, you know: how thrilling 4 u.

Oh also Regina had this weird dream about killing Robin that she HAD to tell Emma about. Then she asked Emma if Emma would find Robin's email address/pager number/P.O. box for her. Regina, the address for Robin is 1 Hollow Log, Cheatonmewife Falls, Maine. Please send beef jerky.

Anyway, thanks to Regina using Snow’s body like a sock puppet, the “heroes” broke into the cabin to rescue August. Snow clobbered Cruella with a frying pan, then Ursula grabbed Snow around the neck and gave her a bunch of suction-cup hickeys, and just as we were all seriously considering changing the channel, Hook came in. Ariel had saved him and then jumped through a portal and retrieved Ursula’s father, who hadn’t changed breastplates in lo these 30 years, and it was he who ended up returning Ursula’s voice. Then they embraced and were like, “Hahaha, how silly of us to be estranged for 30 years LOL let’s be family again,” and everyone else was like, “Awesome, does this mean you’re off the show, Ursula? Just like that? Like three episodes in?” and Ursula was like, “Basically. Or until they need squid ink to handle the Dark One, then they’ll probably need me to help or some shit.” It all happened so quickly and so clumsily, like when you slip and fall down a short flight of stairs.