Send me a "?" for something my muse hasn't had the guts to say to yours.

@madrecuradora

"You're my nr. 1 example of how to be a good human, but..."

hc questions ! ☆  @desgarrcn​  ☆ always accepting !

        – HC. fear is something that comes like SECOND NATURE to him. 

        – HE’S naturally in tune with his feelings, to a level that he wishes he’d be less empathetic, less sensitive. because really, there are a great many things he fears– & it’s largely because of that fear, that he holds so many regrets, that he thinks of himself as such a COWARD.

        – HE fears losing rukia, fears getting in her way, fears making her unhappy, when being happy is all she deserves to be. it’s that very fear that only helped to widen the distance between the two for so many years. sure, he’d tell himself that he was doing the right thing, that getting stronger, was the right path– when it really wasn’t. when in reality he was just afraid that if he’d approach her then & there, they’d never be able to go back to how they were. for 40 years he’d preferred to live with the ILLUSION that he’d get her back if he just grew in ranks, than speak with her once more, tell her what he really thinks & chance destroying any chances of talking with her again.

        – BEFORE he met ichigo, he’d feared losing. it’s why when he became byakuya’s lieutenant, he could do nothing more than to tread behind him. for the longest of times, he’d wanted to surpass him, but the fear of not being good enough, of knowing that the other was stronger & that he had no chance against him, stopped him from even TRYING to do so. that fear chained him down, stopped him from moving forward– he’d grown to a certain level & then, even unconsciously, hadn’t been able to bring himself to keep going. he’d always run away, push on his responsibilities to someone else– seen where, even though he tries to fight the system when rukia’s set to be executed, doesn’t have it in him to completely disobey, pushing the burden to ichigo ( ‘cause he ? renji didn’t know whether ichigo himself was scared or not, but at least HE acted on his words, compared to himself ).

        – EVEN after then, during the whole arrancar arc, & even at the beginning of the war, subconsciously he was still fearful of various things. though there were other reasons, of course, as to why zabimaru hadn’t given him the key to their bankai– the fear, the subconscious knowledge that he was WEAK & could never grow at the same speed ichigo could, had stopped him from growing any stronger. somewhere deep inside he’s always belittling himself