#osuka

After rehearsal, Sosha the Gossip Queen hands out her homemade newspaper. Her latest scoop: She caught Eiki doing extra “character research” for Jiraiya by reading Makeout Tactics on the rooftop. This is the first of many humiliations this episode has in store for Eiki.

So the next day, everyone brings fake homemade headbands for the play. Himawari forgot hers, so Kawaki tries to give her his real headband. Himawari tells him to put it away, because a real headband would reveal his identity. But it’s too late - Eiki already saw.

He meets up with Sosha. He shows her a mysterious note warning him that Kawaki had a secret, and once Eiki saw the real headband, he realized the secret must be that Kawaki’s a real ninja infiltrating the school. Sosha says Eiki needs to get tangible proof before she’ll publish the scoop.

We get a brief moment on the rooftop where Kae talks about how much she’s going to miss her Academy days with friends. Kawaki tells her to enjoy the present, and she happily scampers off. He then tells Eiki to come out of the bushes and quit being a stalker. Eiki realizes he’ll have to get Kawaki’s headband another way.

Later that day, the kids rehearse on the actual stage Neon and the other background kids set up. Eiki has switched the Jiraiya role with Ehou and is now playing Manda the snake summon. He’s wearing the worst snake costume in history. It doesn’t even have a tail, which is 90% of a snake’s body. 

Orochimaru and Tsunade send forth their Pokemon summons to do battle. Kawaki the slug and Eiki the snake pretend to fight, but Eiki goes off script and knocks Kawaki’s headband out of his costume. He asks for Orochimaru’s help in retrieving it. Osuka takes this opportunity to really chew the scenery as she pretends to lift Kawaki so Eiki can grab the headband.

Eiki retreats to the rafters with his evidence. He announces that this headband will be what shows everyone Kawaki’s true nature. But as he’s gloating, the rafters break and fall. Kawaki saves Eiki from falling on his head and killing himself, but instead of being grateful, he immediately scampers to Sosha to snitch.

But the headband Eiki hands over is fake. He tries to convince everyone Kawaki’s a dangerous imposter, but Kawaki points to the destroyed stage and says Eiki’s the one who almost killed Kae with his shenanigans.

Eiki finally realizes he’s the bad guy, flops onto the ground, and wails. Everybody just watches him sob for two solid minutes. It’s very awkward. But Kawaki tells him to get up and they can repair the stage together.

Once the stage is fixed, Osuka sneaks up to Himawari and Kawaki. She reveals she switched out Kawaki’s official headband for a fake one when she was pretending to lift him up. He asks why Osuka helped him out, and she says it’s the least she could do after he saved her from kidnappers last episode. 

Osuka believes Kawaki’s a drop-out genin who is being forced to redo the Academy as punishment for bad behavior. Given the absolute hell this mission has been for Kawaki, he admits she may be right. Maybe it is some kind of karmic punishment.

Outside, Eiki apologizes again and shows Kawaki the mystery note he received. Someone else is trying to pull the strings to get Kawaki away from Kae. We then cut to some Bamboo politicians lurking in an abandoned garden shed. They plot evilly about how they want to get rid of Kae so her brother will be crowned king instead, so they’ve sent an assassin to infiltrate Konoha.

Kawaki rushes toward the infirmary, where Kae was going to rest of a bit. He’s just in time to see a hooded figure stand menacingly over the princess with a kunai. Kawaki chases the assassin off, and they escape through a window. Kae sleeps through the entire fight.

So the episode starts after school. Kawaki is on cleaning duty and can’t walk Himawari home, but that’s okay because she’s going shopping with Kae, and Mr. Battle Butler will be with them. The writers spend a LOT of time emphasizing how the kidnapping is in no way Kawaki’s fault because he checks on Himawari multiple times.

So as Himawari is leaving, she runs into Neon and Osuka. Osuka is in a bad mood because she feels neglected by her movie star mother. I’m not sure how the other characters can tell though, because to me Osuka was acting like her usual unpleasant self. But everyone is very concerned for her.

Neon leaves, and Osuka and Himawari barely manage to get 10 feet out the school gates before they are kidnapped. They then wake up in a warehouse and hear the world’s two worst criminals panicking because they kidnapped an extra child. 

The plan was to hold Osuka for a hefty, celebrity-level ransom. Himawari wasn’t supposed to be there, and now they’re arguing over whether they should release her into the woods, like she’s a baby crocodile that found its way into their gecko terrarium.

Osuka ominously states that her mother won’t pay the ransom, although why she believes this remains a mystery.

Himawari asks the Defective Duo why they've gone into the kidnapping business. The two explain it’s nothing personal, they just need money. They describe themselves as “losers” who dropped out of the Academy, keep getting into fights, and can’t hold down a job. 

They’ve only been able to survive this far thanks to a man they call Big Bro, who is a super badass because he used to be a real, actual genin. Clearly, a man to be reckoned with.

Meanwhile, Kae and her butler find Kawaki and ask him why Himawari never showed up to their shopping date. They find Himawari’s shuriken necklace, and Kae concludes Himawari would never drop her things, so she must have been kidnapped. 

Kawaki calls Kae paranoid and says Himawari’s probably hanging out with Osuka, since he saw them leave together. They stroll up to Osuka’s conveniently close mansion, where a bunch of maids and butlers are fretting over a ransom note. They haven’t called Osuka’s parents yet because “they’re both working on set for an upcoming movie.” 

Kawaki rightfully tells them off for having messed up priorities, then tells them to call her parents already. Then they run to Neon’s house to see if she’s also been kidnapped. 

Neon’s safe, and we get some backstory about her and Osuka. Basically Neon and Osuka’s moms are old friends. Whenever Osuka’s parents are too busy to be with their kid, they dump Osuka at Neon’s apartment and ask her to keep Osuka company. 

But Neon assures everyone that she’s not Osuka’s friend out of family obligation. Really. Osuka’s actually the nicest person once you get to know her. That’s why she sabotaged Kae’s cake with mustard and insulted her for the first month of school. She’s nice.

Meanwhile, back at the warehouse, ex-genin Big Bro shows up. He recognizes Himawari immediately and says he may sell her to one of the Hokage’s enemies for extra cash. When the Defective Duo realize who Himawari is, they panic even harder and say Naruto’s going to murder them. Himawari says no, he’ll probably forgive you if you apologize. She’s right, too.

Once they bad guys are asleep. Himawari and Osuka slip their ropes. Osuka ties up the Defective Duo while Himawari battles Big Bro. She kicks his butt for a solid minute and gives him a Gentle Fist strike that makes him temporarily regret his life choices. 

But Big Bro has an advantage over Himawari - he’s over four feet tall. So he picks her up by the scruff of her neck and start choking her in mid-air. Osuka tells him to stop and, to my surprise, actually offered herself up in Himawari’s stead. The Defective Duo also begs Big Bro to stop, hugging him by the knees like little kids.

That’s when Kawaki bursts dramatically. He squares off against Big Bro, who starts punching fireballs. But apparently if you’re a high enough level, fire no longer burns your skin, so Kawaki just jumps straight through the flames and knocks him out. Battle Butler, despite specializing in water jutsu, contributed absolutely nothing to the fight.

Flash forward, and we see the cops arresting the bad guys. Himawari talk-no-jutsus the Defective Duo into turning their lives around, and the police escort them off to the Nice Farm Criminal Rehabilitation Center Upstate where all the reformed filler villains go, to never be seen again.

Osuka's mother comes sprinting up and hugs her, declaring that her movie isn’t nearly as important as making sure her daughter is safe. Kagemasa, Osuka’s father, didn’t show up and is presumably still working on his latest action movie. But nobody mentions that.

Osuka asks Neon how her group found the warehouse. Neon reveals Osuka’s mother had commissioned HER mom to build a certain robot. Remember the RoboMinion from the tea party episode? So not only is he rocket-proof, but he also uses artificial Yamanaka techniques to keep track of Osuka’s chakra signature.

Forget spending time with your kid. A mother who REALLY cares buys a military-grade robot to monitor her daughter’s location 24/7. And then she’ll put that stalking technology in the hands of her daughter’s best friend, who is very responsible for her age and will never break or misplace the robot ever.

So in the face of such foolproof parenting, what was Osuka mad about? Well, it turns out her mother had done something truly unforgivable...she’d thrown away Osuka’s favorite pudding.