#osemansanta

“Rumours are that you are in a polyamorous relationship with several people. What do you say to that?”

Bullshit, Lister thinks internally, and is about to open his mouth to speak when Jimmy quietly rubs his foot against Lister's own. It's a small gesture, undetectable to Maeve herself, but it soothes Lister.

“I'm not in a polyamorous relationship.” Lister says, and the room settles for almost a moment. “I'm dating Jimmy.”

And with that, everything erupts into chaos.

*

“You announced you were dating Jimmy?!” Cecily shouts from where The Arc are bundled into her office. “What on earth possessed you Lister?!”

“She was annoying me!” Lister exclaims, “I wanted to rile her up!”

“Do you not have a brain?!” Cecily demands. “Has it been drummed out of your skull? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Many, many things are wrong with him.” Rowan says from the sidelines.

“Shut up.” Cecily and Lister tell him, and then go back to yelling at one another.

“Do you know how much damage control I'm going to have to do?” Cecily asks.

“It's just a joke.” Lister says stubbornly. “I'll just tell her I was messing about.”

“It's already gone into print.” Cecily says, “The devil works fast but Maeve works faster.”

“Just call a press conference.”

“Oh, just call a press conference, shall I? Just a casual press conference on a Tuesday morning. Sorry everyone, my band member is a complete idiot who lies for the fun of it.” Cecily seethes.

“I could say it's a lie.” Jimmy pipes up.

Lister turns to look at him. Jimmy is slightly flushed across the cheeks, hands shoved deep into his pockets. They haven't spoken to each other properly since the interview, only Lister trying to make jokes and Jimmy ignoring him.

Lister hates when they're not speaking. They're best friends after all. No matter what stupid stuff that falls out of Lister's mouth.

“Because it is.” Jimmy says, fixing Lister with a look. “A lie.”

Lister rolls his eyes. “Nobody is going to believe it.”

“Can I remind you of Jowan?” Rowan says. “Or have you forgotten that as well, you lump.”

“Don't call me a lump.” Lister snaps.

“Boys.” Cecily says icily, and the three of them stop talking. “We're going to fix this. It just might take a while.”

She looks Lister dead in the eye. “You just might have to pretend to have a boyfriend for a bit.”

“What?!” Jimmy and Lister say at the same time, and an evil grin spreads across Cecily's face.

*

“This is so stupid.” Jimmy mutters under his breath as they pose for an Instagram photo. “Your breath smells.”

“You smell.” Lister retorts, and the camera man sighs.

“Can you two please pretend you're in love?”

“Gross.” Lister says.

They're sitting on a sofa together, arms wrapped around each other. It's supposed to look like a candid shot, but they're both so uncomfortable with each other that they look like they have guns pointed at their heads. Which, isn't much of a lie to be honest.

“Jimmy, lean into him.” The camera man says.

Jimmy leans in and almost hits Lister in the head with his skull. Lister jerks backwards and hisses under his breath.

“Sorry.” Jimmy says, but it doesn't sound very genuine.

“I know you think this is all my fault.” Lister says.

“That's because it is.” Jimmy mutters.

“I was just trying to make you laugh.” Lister says. “Honestly. I didn't mean to make you upset.”

Jimmy looks up at Lister through his eyelashes. “You don't think before you speak.”

“That part of my brain was sadly injured in the incident-we-don't-name.” Lister says, and the corners of Jimmy's mouth twitch upwards.

“You truly are an idiot, aren't you?” Jimmy says.

Lister grins. “That's me.”

Jimmy sighs, but it's fondly. “Come here.” He says. “Let's try and make this Instagram photo look real.”

“Yes Sir.” Lister replies, and leans into Jimmy's space again. “I could fake kiss you if you like?”