first murim is so key to my understanding of yoo joonghyuk. because the thing is that she spent a really long time in the second round just hanging around breaking the sky sword saint. doing whatever she asked, even when it ended up with her being beaten or shaved bald or it was a useless task altogether or all of the above. and in the 'dumplings made by others' side story, they say that yjh didn't even need to stick around to learn breaking the sky swordsmanship! that she learnt it basically immediately!! so all of that being towards the purpose of learning breaking the sky swordsmanship is just a more practical excuse for the emotional root of it all (yjh loves logical guises. for example: "i'm going to the demon realm because i don't like people impersonating me and there are good hidden items, and NOT to save kim dokja or anything").
but the truth is that btsss gave yoo joonghyuk a birthday. her signature sword form. the startings of transcendence. a sense of belonging somewhere, of home, which is something she so desperately searches for and wants throughout all of orv. yoo joonghyuk isn't shown to be particularly sentimental, but when she comes back to the first murim, even kim dokja can tell she's nostalgic. both of the swords she uses for the majority of main story (breaking the sky sword and black heavenly demon sword) are murim swords. her favourite food is from the first murim.
the reason yoo joonghyuk doesn't want to go back to the first murim is because losing all of that in the second turn is something incredibly tender and raw for her and she doesn't want to think about it!! she doesn't want to face btsss after she watched her die! after she failed to save her!! ("have you protected all that you wanted to protect?") she doesn't want to face a btsss that doesn't remember her!!
(as an aside: i think it is incredibly telling that the only food we see yjh eat that is made by another person is those dumplings. its no surprise that in a story so focused on connecting with others, food is symbolic when it comes to connection - multiple times lines are drawn between the two, but what comes to mind in particular for me is kim dokja, lonely and hungry in his tiny apartment, eating while reading twsa; and yoo joonghyuk, alone in space and missing her companions, eating while reading orv. yoo joonghyuk's refusal to eat food made by others is, in part, symbolic of her refusal to truly connect to others due to the pain of that connection. but she will still eat murim dumplings!)
it is compelling to me that while yoo joonghyuk seems determined to put any past connections behind her, she isnt entirely capable of it once those past connections are in eyeshot. she tells kim dokja just to kill lee seolhwa, and then when they're shopping together yoo joonghyuk stands in front of her in a crowd to stop her from getting knocked around, and takes medicine without complaint once she's told it's at lee seolhwa's request. she keeps yoo mia at arms length but then feeds her like a baby bird and gives her affection. she tries, multiple times, to avoid seeing breaking the sky sword saint, and then shares memories and vulnerabilities with her anyway. she is one of the only people (if not the only person) that yoo joonghyuk shares her memories of the previous turn with. she is one of the only people yjh is emotionally vulnerable with. she is the only person yoo joonghyuk uses honorifics for (excluding the odd affectionate "mia-yah"). she takes care of yoo joonghyuk. she's her master! i am losing the plot but you understand
